abusive dad, don't know what to do

innie
I am also here to support you.

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oh my stars, lol, people usually think i am a guy. Razz

I don't know why lol, maybe my screenname is too masculine!!

anyway, my name is Johannah... which isn't masculine haha

thanks for all the luck, dear people!!! I've got the phone in my hand! *gasp*

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{holding breath}

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People usually think I am a guy, what with the dog and the name, too, but I am also a Jo.

Also here in support.

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Yeah, it was the sleepover thing. When I was 14, it was kind of a big deal to have a guy sleepover. Like, unheard of.

Glad that your mom is trusting of you in that way, innie.

katya, I don't recall if it was in this thread or elsewhere, but innie said that she IS attending some classes at school, now.

Interested in how your call went, innie.

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alright, I called...

it was a woman that I talked to... and here's how it went:

i told her how old my friend and I were... and what was going on with my friend... she asked for extra information etc...

i explained my concern and such

and she ended up saying that they could send someone to my friend's house but if he denies it all theyre is nothing they can do plus his parents would be pretty angry and it would porbably make things worse...
she went on to say that i need to tell my friend my concerns, and urge him to tell a counsellor about it or even talk to his mom about it since she tried to sand up for him this last time something happened...

she also said that my friend could call the hotline and get some comfort/advice/help if i could convince him to....

the phone call wasn't too long, but it would have been longer if i hadnt started crying everytime she asked me a question Crying or Very sad

i don't know what t do now... before i felt like i could dosomething, i was just scared to do it... now i feel so completely helpless....

thanks for your support everyone

the lady was really nice and i'll definitly be having a talk with my friend...

i kno my typing is even more bad then it usually is and i'm sorry for that.... and i hope you all understood what i said.... my hands are shaking really hard i don't know why..

sweet dreams everyone

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Good for you innie! That wasn't an easy thing to do. You're what they call 'shook up'. You'll be ok.

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innie,

When you have your friend over for the visit, you could tell him how concerned and worried you are and that you called a hotline to see what kind of help there might be for him. Tell him exactly what you told us about the conversation and reassure him that you did not give any names or other identifying information. Give him the phone number of the hotline and tell him he's welcome to make the call from your house if he wants to do so and that your mom knows about the situation if he wants to talk with her about it.

Let him know that your house is a safe place for him to come to, and just continue being the friend you have been for him. That's the best way to help him.

As for you, I hope you'll share with your mom what happened with the phone call and how you feel about it. I think she will be extremely proud of you and will help you feel better.

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Good for you, innie. You took a big step, did the right thing. Maybe you can call back again later to get some advice on how to best approach your friend, if you'd like. But you've already done something, that's great.

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innie, you took the first big step, good for you. Butrflynet and Sozobe gave you good advice and I hope you follow it.

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Innie, you're a sweetheart. When you look back on this, when you're older, you'll recall it as one of the great things you've done. :-D

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Innie- I am really proud of you. That was a tough one, and you rose to the occasion. I think that the advice Butrflynet gave you is perfect.

It is ok to feel a bit discombobbulated, after what you did. It took guts, and you are shook up. Remember, you did absolutely the right thing. When you are older, you will look back, and feel proud of yourself.

We are here for you!

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(((((((((((((((((((((((((((Innie)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

well done!

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i'm still worried, your mom more than likely just don't want you to get in volved,out of caring for you.
and i [understand that] but your friend will not get better or the abuse will not just stop.i [promise you this] but you do not need this heavy on you,but yet your friend is in 911 need of help. you friend is already scrod for life,but with help from some one who cares and gives true love will help him heal.but it will take time.[iv never got help,and it hurts like ''hell''] im still checking on something for you.

haven't forgot you
your friends dad&mom or sick and will continue to hurt him,until its to late to help him
I'M really HURTING FOR YOUR FRIEND

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Innie,i sent you 2 private messages,have you received them?

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Innie, you have done the right thing...it's a beginning. Talk to your friend and stay close to him. You can always call again...and hopefully he wil call. In the end, what you did was right. You took action when it was needed and that's what a compassion and caring person should do. You are a good, solid person with a caring heart from what I can tell. Be proud of yourself and know that we cannot live another person's life...we can only do little things to help them along their path.

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innie
Maybe in time you'll be able to convince your friend to do something about it, but in the mean time you did the right thing.

Hang in there kiddo.

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katya8 wrote:

It's my understanding that

a) Innie is only 14. Why are y'all trying to make her feel responsible for the life of someone else?

Innie has voiced her concerns. It's not that we're trying to make her feel responsible, she already feels as if she needs to do something. We're just trying to give her the best answers and support we can come up with.

Innie, I think you did a great thing calling. Don't feel helpless. Urge your friend to call. Urge your friend to act. Tell him how concerned you are. It might help him to make a decision to do something for himself. You'll worry about him, but there is only so much you can do.

You've made the call.
You've talked to your friend.
You've given him an answer for what he can do about it himself.

If he is a real friend, he'll take into consideration that he has worried you with this. It might be enough to get him doing something.

In the meantime, write that you book you mentioned on another thread. I can never have too much to read.

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Re: abusive dad, don't know what to do

innie wrote:

my friend's dad hits him whenever he is really angry... about once a month, he'll get very very mad and shake him really hard or smack him with the remote control or try to spank him (even though he is 16) which never works out cause he fights back...
about 5 months ago he pushed him down the basement steps... and then my friend called me and told me and i know those basement steps and they are concrete and they are steep... he could have died and even he says so
lately his mom has been standing up for him a bit more, but not stopping the hitting...
he cuts because of it... he hates himself and hardly eats
and told me if i tell anyone he'll kill himself... and he has 3 adopted siblings that would be taken away... he said if i say anything i'll detry his entire life...
Innie, anything new about you'r friend?
I did check with the child protection on the matter,of course they need to know where the person is from,so they can tell me who you need to contaced. This is a very heart braking thing,and I am very worried about you'r friend,[please] don't wipe it under the table,thinking it will go away,becouse it want.If this person is a friend you will do all you can to help him. ''WHAT IF IT WAS YOU'' OR WHAT IF HE DIE'S
i don't know what to do
should i tell anyone?

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hey innie - how's it going?

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abusive dad, don't know what to do

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