abusive dad, don't know what to do

alright you guys...

heres what i ended up doing (and anymore comments and advice will still be needed )..

i told my mom, i told her everything i told you guys... i added details where she needed them and told her what you all suggested. she said you guys had good advice (yay!) but that if my friend didn't want help, calling child abuse wouldn't help because he coulds just deny everything and say it didn't happen--since he doesn't have any permanent scars they wouldn't be able to find proof.

so... i know my friend woldnt cooperate if anythign were to happen.. he already told me that. my mom and i decided i would have him over to spend the night (which i do alot lol so its no big deal) and i would tell him how i am worried for his future and his sibling's futures... he may just deny all of this etc... but my mom said there is nothing else i can do. and no matter what my friend is gonna be really screwed up from all this
also, i cant tell how serious the situation is... so he may be exaggerating or sugar coating his circumstances with his parents....


so i am going to talk to him about it, hopefully thatll help
if not, then the next time something happens im calling the child abuse center. hopefully that wont happen tho, because he said its getting better and it seems like it is =/ i cant be too sure tho...

and now i have my mom to back me up. and hopefully everyhitng will be okay


so what do u guys think?

{mulling}

I think you should call the hotline anyway.

This is what they do. They are good at it. He may deny, at first at least, but they will likely have ways of figuring things out. It doesn't have to be scars.

Also, has he ever been hospitalized? They can get records if need be.

But, in the mean time, he's living at home with an abusive dad who'd be really ticked off?

One last comment -- you were sufficiently concerned that you started this topic on Friday. How could things have changed significantly in two days? (In terms of "he said its getting better and it seems like it is")

Maybe my above post is vague. Is there a way that he can talk with someone at the right department/hotline and figure things out without his parents knowing anything about it until after the fact?

littlek, which meantime?

What I'm getting at is that those who staff the hotlines are professionals, while none of us are (except for Deb) and probably know what they're doing. (In terms of denials, ticked off dad, etc.)

innie- Why don't you leave that problem to the professionals? It probably is just as scary for your mom to contemplate doing this as it is for you.

From what you say, both your friend (in one way), and his dad (in another way) are ticking time bombs. Are you waiting for something to happen to your friend?

Ah, didn't see that last post, sorry.

I assume the hotline is confidential.

Maybe that's thething to do, innie, have him over, give him a room with a phone and privacy, and have him call.

sozobe, i am very concerned about my friend... i am just scared that i'll act on my information and it will end up being a mistake and ruining my friend's life.

what can the authorities do though, if everything i tell them my friend denies?
also, if they come to the house r call whatever, and my friend denies everything... he'll then have an extremely angry dad and mom to deal with.

you're right, phoenix. i am really really scared. i don't want to get my friend into worse trouble... i don't want to make a bad desiscion and i don't want him hurt anymore then he aready has been.

it just feels like not matter what i do it's going to end badly.

what can the hotline do if my friend denies it?

I agree with Soz'd 4:40 post. Have him over, give him the room and the phone and let him do what he will do.

innie- The hotline will call a local social service agency, who will start an investigation.

In this world, sometimes we have to make tough decisions, not really knowing how they will eventually turn out. From what you have said, your friend is in BIG trouble, and if something isn't done, your friend may be at risk for his life. It is really up to you whether you want to take the chance. I say, "go for it"!

okay, i'll have him over and give him the phone. *crosses fingers* hopefully i can have him over sometime this week... i don't want to wait a long time.

Tonight for dinner?

if my friend doesn't call within this week... i geuss i'll have to :-/


littlek, my friend has plans tonight already... and he said he's busy tomorrow night too... it'll need to be soon though

I think so innie. If it's you who calls, tell the person at the hotline your concerns.

Innie, abusers don't just stop. It's like a heroin addict telling you that he has quit in just two days. The call must be made, whether it is you, your friend, or someone else.

Best of luck to you, innie. It'll work out.

I'm thinking about you innie. Hang in there.