Friends don't let friends fat-talk

In one study, Martz and her colleagues showed 124 male and female college students a scene describing three women engaging in fat talk. The test subjects were then asked to predict how a fourth female would respond to this discussion.

Forty percent of male subjects and 51 percent of female subjects believed that the fourth female would self-degrade her body, in results that will be detailed in the June issue of the journal Body Image: An International Journal of Research.

“Because women feel pressured to follow the fat talk norm, they are more likely to engage in fat talk with other females,” Martz told LiveScience. “Hence, women normalize their own body dissatisfaction with one another.”

“If there are women out there who feel neutrally or even positively about their bodies, I bet we never hear this from them for fear of social sanction and rejection,” she said

Wouldn't it be nice if we all had an Oprah like inner voice that was compassionate, encouraging and accepting? Imagine stepping in front of the mirror and instead of hearing critical comments about your weight or the "f" word immediately jumping into your head, you accept who you are. Sure, Oprah has had weight battles. But, she doesn't judge herself for this or use the "F" word as a personal weapon.

How to get there? We can't control when the voice pops up, but what we can control is how we respond. Instead of nodding in agreement with the critical inner voice, begin to ask yourself, in a nonjudgmental way, why you feel that way. Notice how Oprah phrases questions toward guests. The questions are nonjudgmental and simply push people to think deeper, particularly about things that would be an easy target for judgment. She begins questions with words like this: "I'm wondering," or, "I'm curious," or, "Help me understand," or, "Explain to me."

What if you already notice the presence of your critical inner voice and want to take it one step further? The good news is that self-affirmations can help. Affirmations are positive self-statements. Yes, it may feel silly and forced. But, they are about rewiring your inner critic. It's as easy as writing down five positive self-statements and repeating them silently to yourself throughout the day. In general, repetition will help turn these thoughts into automatic statements that you can bring to mind effortlessly. Create a mental shield to help defect critical thoughts.

Does this take practice? Yes. But, in the long run you will be on your way to quieting your critical inner voice and helping it to sound more Oprah-like.

In honor of No Fat Talk Week, try writing out five positive self-statements to combat the inner critic when the "F" word creeps into your inner dialogue.

We can try to make the world "fat talk free" by telling everyone how lovely they are, how amazing womanly curves are, how real beauty comes from the inside. But, as a teenage girl who has been conditioned to mindlessly parrot those responses to "fat talk," I know I'm going to have the same frustrating conversation next week. Women have become too accustomed to a scripted conversation about how they aren't fat and you're not fat and real women have curves.

Telling a woman she's not fat after she asks if she's fat is entirely pointless now. You're just going to have the same conversation with her as soon as she tries on the next pair of pants.

Rather than try to tell women not to use "fat talk" to discuss their bodies, or anyone else's, we ought to just stop validating it when they do. Bluntly put, I'm tired of letting people think I care about their whining.

Yes, I understand eating disorders are very serious. People should feel good about their bodies. But I rarely feel like I've accomplished anything by coddling someone's feelings using default answers like, "No, don't worry about it. Your butt looks great in those jeans."

Sometimes, instead of telling you just how gorgeously not fat you are, I'd rather just force you to watch me devour, without any shame, guilt or fear of judgment, a really great burger and fries.

Call it tough love. Or maybe it would just be mean. Either way, it's something you haven't heard hundreds of times, so maybe you'll actually pay attention

Blah, blah, blah. You don't take responsibility for anything, do you

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Blah, blah, blah. You don't take responsibility for anything, do you

I am responsible for what I do. I am not however responsible for how you react to what I do, how what I do causes you to feel. You should have figured that out when your endless attempts to guilt trip me with emotional response have been a resounding failure. Only when I violate/transgress upon you do you have a valid complaint against me, you being repulsed by my presence and/or ideas is not evidence that you have been wronged. You never had the right to expect/demand that other people would think or act like you want them to do.

Just what do you think you are doing with this thread? Duh! Expecting/demanding that other people would think or act like you want them to

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Just what do you think you are doing with this thread? Duh! Expecting/demanding that other people would think or act like you want them to

I am objecting to an organized attempt to get people to tell other people what they should think/feel. This is organized bulling, this is organized assaulting of individuals who are not thinking/feeling what some other individuals think that they should think/feel. This program is offensive.

I am not however responsible for how you react to what I do, how what I do causes you to feel.

You never had the right to expect/demand that other people would think or act like you want them to do.

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Just what do you think you are doing with this thread? Duh! Expecting/demanding that other people would think or act like you want them to

I am objecting to an organized attempt to get people to tell other people what they should think/feel. This is organized bullying, this is organized assaulting of individuals who are not thinking/feeling what some other individuals think that they should think/feel. This program is offensive.

But when you react to what others do, it becomes your job to "inspire" people to "resist" and "fight back."

People who are trying to moderate their own language

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But when you react to what others do, it becomes your job to "inspire" people to "resist" and "fight back."

when I see things that I believe have good wrong, are wrong, it is my moral obligation to speak up and object. How in your mind does this connect with my being responsible for your feelings?

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People who are trying to moderate their own language

had you read the OP you would know that the current objective is to moderate the language on university campuses for one week a year. The long term goal is to moderate the language everywhere all the time. You have completely failed to understand the subject being discussed here.

So when people on a campus see something that they feel is wrong, they don't have the same moral obligation to speak up and object

This is a voluntary activity that is designed to challenge the participants in how they address others.

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So when people on a campus see something that they feel is wrong, they don't have the same moral obligation to speak up and object

that would be the exact opposite of what is being done here, the demanding that a subject not be talked about.

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This is a voluntary activity that is designed to challenge the participants in how they address others.

"Friends DONT LET friends fat talk" This is not a challenge, this is goading, and it is implied that this is not voluntary but rather a moral mandate.

Be careful, you are taking after firefly with your dishonesty in debate.