@sozobe,
sozobe wrote:...Maybe you can get your mom alone sometime and kind of slowly build up to things. Talk about much more general things and then slide in some of your concerns in a gradual way. See how she takes it, go from there.
I will say though that this background makes me even more nervous about you having sex with your boyfriend. I'm glad he's there for you and that he's so considerate, but I think that sex can be a proxy for other issues with intimacy. And it sounds like you are just not getting the love and support you need from your family. It can be really dangerous to put all of your eggs in a basket as fragile as a single romantic relationship, as a 14-year-old. And sex just makes everything much more intense and the stakes that much higher.
Wow, that is some really great advice, Soz!
So great I thought I'd re-post it!
@won-der-ing,
won-der-ing wrote:
once again thanks, to all of you but some of you, not all of you are kinda making me feel like I'm one of the stupid whore type sex crazed teenage girls that you see on tv, and I'm not, I'm a straight A student, I'm in honors geomortry, I'm the smartest one, I think of all my friends. I'm not a stupid girl, my boyfriend isnt stupid, the farthest we have gone is him fingering me, and thats pretty much it, I'm 99% sure that I'm not going to have sex and tbanks for everything, but if we get "in the moment" and we have protection and everything and when we dont have to worry about perents or anyone bothering us then I'm not gonna stop it and to just reassure all of that, this mostlikly won't happen for probably a couple of years so dont be too worried
Oh, the last thing any of us would do is make you feel stupid, etc. You are asking advice, and that is smart even though it isn't coming from your mother.
You have some good advice from Sozobe, and others. I think it would be good if you could talk with your school counselor about the lack of support at home, find some way to communicate that they (mother & sister) are hurting you. Your mother and sister may even be surprised. They couldn't possibly know how they are affecting you and need to learn these things from you, soon. Wishing you well.
Its your choice completely about when you want to do it. You say you know the facts and I believe you. I think a lot of people look at age as a number rather than the maturity of the person. I lost my virginity when I had just turned 15 and things turned out right for me. I'm not advising 14 year old's to have sex, but if you know the risks and feel ready then it is their choice to make.
As the others have pointed out. The right age to share your virginity is when you reach the age when you no-longer have to ask. Ofcourse this is reinforced with common sense and legal prerequisites. You must also not be in a hurry..real love can, and will, always wait. ^^
You are still young, and although you may have been with him for seven months, that's not a guarantee that it will last for a longer duration of time. No matter how ready we think we are when we are young as that, we are truly too immature mentally, emotionally, and physically to handle sex at such lengths. You are still under-developed in all those areas, and sex can really screw you up if you can't handle it properly. Almost all my friends lost their virginities around 14-16 after dating their boyfriends for more than a year. Because of this, they thought they would be married to them eventually because of how strong their connections were. But after each broke up, they each went into some sort of mental breakdown because sex messed with their emotional and mental states before they were ready. They honestly thought they were truly ready when they started doing it, but they didn't know. If you respect yourself enough to know that your relationship is emotionally strong enough without intercourse, then you not only have dignity and respect for yourself, but you have respect for your partner as well. Respect eachother and wait until you grow more knowledgeable of the world. And if you guys breakup, I think you'll be thankful to say that you didn't lose your virginity at age 14.
Boy am I ready for sex.
Logging off now.
"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk--real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious."
- Jack Kerouac, On the Road
