Am I ready for sex??

It is difficult for me the get my mind around an allegation that our ancestors were so inferior to us as to not care about their children's well being. We being that same adults who are leaving out kids a broken down country, a pile a debt, a poisoned planet, and have a deep resistance to allowing them to grow up.

Yes indeed.
At some points in history, a person life was half over by the time they were 14.
They had experienced much more hardship and experience than the 14 year old of today.

Sure, they were probably mentally immature, but they didn't have time to dwell on typical 14 year old concerns.

Sure and the mate of these girl children was not 14 year old boys but full grown men who could support infants similar to the Mormon cult of today.

Sure marrying them off to late twenty year old men or older would work put you do need on adult in the mixed as the husband.

Is that a fact? The 21st Century, eh? What do you think the Romans were doing, saving themselves for marriage and having kids? Seems each generation, passing through those young years, think maybe they invented sex. In the 21st century, today, 14 year old girls should be smart enough not to have sex. Scheeese, how about 16. NOT 14.

once again thanks, to all of you but some of you, not all of you are kinda making me feel like I'm one of the stupid whore type sex crazed teenage girls that you see on tv, and I'm not, I'm a straight A student, I'm in honors geomortry, I'm the smartest one, I think of all my friends. I'm not a stupid girl, my boyfriend isnt stupid, the farthest we have gone is him fingering me, and thats pretty much it, I'm 99% sure that I'm not going to have sex and tbanks for everything, but if we get "in the moment" and we have protection and everything and when we dont have to worry about perents or anyone bothering us then I'm not gonna stop it and to just reassure all of that, this mostlikly won't happen for probably a couple of years so dont be too worried

I certainly never intended to make you feel like some "stupid whore type sex crazed teenage girl" as you put it. (I really hate that language, by the way!) I never thought that, either. I've tried to talk to you as an intelligent girl, and I think what you are going through is perfectly natural.

I still think that anyone who is too young to handle the consequences of getting pregnant is too young to have sex...because there is no birth control method that is 100% effective. Ask yourself this: "What would I do if the condom broke, or it had a hole in it, or he waited too long to take it off, and I got pregnant?" Because those things do happen all the time to people older than you. Twice it has happened to friends of mine, and they were married at the time!

I don't mean it to be a "scare tactic." It's reality. If you're old enough to have a game plan for handling an unplanned pregnancy, then you're old enough to have sex. If not, the smart thing to do is wait.

I'm glad to hear you're not planning to do anything right away. I think you need to think about this a little more.

I wouldn't scold the OP so much for talking to us (as opposed to her parents). This could be good rehearsal for when she does (and she should). She feels that her parents are over-protective, but I'm sure many teens with sexual anxiety feels like sex is on the end of the list of approachable topics with parents. Many feel like they will get in trouble for showing sexual interest or that their parents will isolate them socially. I'm not a parent, so I can't comment on the other half of the equation, but I can say that way too many parents are hands off when it comes to sexual health topics and their kids. In college as a wellness educator, I had many students come by the office and their understanding of things like BC and STIs was really troubling.

The combination of virginal novelty and archaic puritan sensibilities obstructing proper sex ed, is hurting people. People need the information, but saying the words "penis" and "vagina" are embarrassing and/or dirty words for teenagers.

A
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A German Hungarian friend told me "old enough to bleed, old enough to breed".

1) Gross.
2) The point here is to very specifically NOT breed.

A
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I have a 16 year old son, and believe me, I am the LAST PERSON ON EARTH he would talk to about sex. I'm absolutely sure he would rather die first.

And he's not exactly thrilled to talk to Dad about it, either.

As much as I would love to have those conversations, he's not about to do it. I think that's pretty normal.

How many of you would have talked to your parent(s) when you were thinking about becoming sexually active?

thanks and i am sorry for the language, i had to express myself and how i felt. also i don't think you were one of the very few people to make me feel like that. and i can pretty much guarantee that i wont have sex anytime soon. just right now I'm under i guess you can call it stress its kind of hard to explain. i don't have a very good relationship with my parents at all, im the youngest child and i feel like they like my sister more and i feel like to them im the "bad" child i guess just cause i have a boyfriend who loves and cares for me a lot and it just really hurts me... it also doesn't help that my older sister and my mom even called me a slut or a whore just because of some shirts that i wore and i guess they even thought i acted like one and then in middle school girls also used to call me those words behind my back and it just really hurts. another thing is my family doesn't even know me that well anymore because i exclude myself in my room all the time because they don't know how sensitive i am and i have the type of family that i guess makes jokes about other people and they don't know how personally i take stuff, the little things to some people can feel like a knife cutting me open to me. my boyfriend knows all of that but my parents don't know any of it. i'm afraid to talk to them about it cause i'm so afraid that they will make fun or me and not believe me. before my boyfriend and i were going out i honestly thought i was really depressed. i USED to do things that i completely regret doing now (i don't do them anymore at all), i covered it up so well with my fake smiles every day and i told it to my sister and she just laughed it off and well made fun of me like i expected. for me its really hard to talk to my parents about anything. they don't even know me at all, i really want to talk to them about everything i'm just afraid...

Thanks for the further info, won-der-ing.

It's hard to know what to advise. As a parent, I'd want my kid to feel able to talk to me about anything at any time. And I'd tend to think most parents would want to know this kind of thing (I don't mean the sex issue per se but the more general stuff you're talking about, how you feel misunderstood and you cut yourself off from the family).

But it's possible you really would be shot down... I'd hope not, but I can't make any promises from here.

Maybe you can get your mom alone sometime and kind of slowly build up to things. Talk about much more general things and then slide in some of your concerns in a gradual way. See how she takes it, go from there.

I will say though that this background makes me even more nervous about you having sex with your boyfriend. I'm glad he's there for you and that he's so considerate, but I think that sex can be a proxy for other issues with intimacy. And it sounds like you are just not getting the love and support you need from your family. It can be really dangerous to put all of your eggs in a basket as fragile as a single romantic relationship, as a 14-year-old. And sex just makes everything much more intense and the stakes that much higher.

Nods to Soz - which is why I took my niece to planned parenthood when she was fourteen. She had a very disturbed/troubled mother and a father who had difficulty communicating with her even on everyday situations, and vice versa, and immediate issues of her own. (I know dad was glad I did.) She's almost a decade older now and has thanked me for that several times over the years. I suspect that on the great chain of life in the sense of "six degrees", several of her friends shortly thereafter benefited from knowing about PP too. They are good on educating, as far as I saw from this experience.

I was going to pipe in with that apparent news about you, Phoenix.

I was one of the lucky girls/women who had a wonderful first time experience. I was also one who waited, not entirely by my own good sense as I went to a girls' high school, didn't know that many boys - only the ones at my after school and weekend job - and with those, there was a little romance, along the lines of one fellow giving me a teddy bear for christmas. Those were my years with crushes (waves to Roberta and her crush thread). Worth the wait, oh boy.

Strong agreement with you on that, art.

Laughing at the thought I would have talked with them.
I'm from an era of learning about sex by reading Ligorian magazine, which counseled about mortal sin, at least back then. I think wanting to learn about life propelled my addictive reading behavior, and that was a good thing.
http://www.liguorian.org/

And, as I've mentioned before, our religion teacher one year instructed us that pleasure in the procreative act in marriage was morally wrong.

Really, it's amazing I'm the swell sane person I pretend to be.

Some comments on my last comments -
the Sozobe post I was commenting on was an earlier one, seen by clicking on the light blue Sozobe at the top of my post.

Won-der-ing - I can see you are sharp, and have sympathy for you in your family situation. Nodding again to Soz and her response on that.

Eva, I just had to laugh with you on that. But I can also feel a kind of loss about it.
You're right, though. I figure discomfort on this is pretty much routine, maybe even built in to us as humans.