Am I ready for sex??

The advice I would give is to tell your partner ahead of time (it might be at the start of your date night) that this is what you want. Dont leave him wondering if he is doing the right thing by you.

In this way you will be making a decision in the cool calm cold light of day not when you are hyped up with desire. Your partner will also be able to think ahead and plan. Boys do get nervouse In clinical terms this may affect his ability to perform. This could embarress him and may cause a rift in your relationship. If possible have some lubricant (KY Jelly is available in most supermarkets where I live) available 'cause you might be a little nevouse too. If you feel you cant buy KY (or condoms) then you are probably not ready.

In this way (telling him ahead of time) also you will be able to set aside plenty of time and arrange a comfortable situation to enjoy your partner, yourself and this expression of your feelings toward each other.
Nothing worse than two inexperienced adolecents fumbling about in the dark in some back alley and I can tell you that from personal experience.

If you have trusted condoms as your only method of birth control, and they've been successful, then that's great. But I've had at least two friends who got pregnant when using condoms only. I simply don't trust them 100%. In an earlier post, you suggested a combination of pills and condoms. I agree with you -- that is a better choice. Two is safer than one.

It sounds as if you have always been a responsible man, and I commend you for that.

I am advocating the same for our poster. Girls/women must be taught to take responsibility for their own bodies. That is crucial. Using condoms doesn't necessarily mean "leaving the birth control up to the man"--but some girls/women do, though. That doesn't always work out so well, because not all men are responsible. I want our poster to know that smart women look out for themselves.

If you've got to sneak behind your parent's backs to do it, then I'd suggest waiting.

Of course, what do I know? I think you should wait until you get married, but I'm probably the only one here who will give you that advice.

One more thought. Why not talk to your parents about this as opposed to a bunch of strangers? I think they have more invested in your well-being than anyone here does. Plus they know you and your emotional state better than a bunch of strangers. Getting this type of advice from people who do not know you is not ideal, if you ask me. (And you did since you posted here. lol)

Her having sex, ending up with a STD, pregnant is not going to improve that relationship.

Would I have ever talked with my mother about having sex with a boy at 14?

Not just no, but HELL NO!

That's besides the fact I didn't want to have sex at that age.

To the OP, you're a 14 year old girl, and want to have sex with a boy.

Wouldn't you rather wait until you're a woman, and have sex with a man?

Getting your period is not the entire price of admission into the Sisterhood.
This boy getting wood does not make him a man.

Did I talk to my mother the first time I had sex?
No, but I wasn't a girl when I first did it.

It may be hard to see at 14, but based on the little you've provided, I'd say your parents may just be protective instead of overprotective. There is a difference. Your parents want to protect you while you are young and teach you to protect yourself when you are older. They are a great resource for you to tap as you start making important decisions for yourself. If they were all that overprotective, I doubt you'd have a boyfriend at all. Your parents likely have more care for you than all of us strangers on this board combined. Would you really take our advice before asking theirs?

I feel like I am discussing this with a bunch Sarah Palins. Let's look at facts here.

The poster was asking about voluntary sex in a committed relationship with a partner that is about her age. It is her body, and this is her decision. Someone accused me of giving her a "free pass". All I am saying is that this is her body, and her decision. If this is a free pass, then fine.

Now fine, 14 is a little young. I checked and only about 1 in 10 teenagers have sex at this age. If she waits, it is probably a good thing (I think I made this clear from the start).

Teenagers need real facts about sex so they can make responsible decisions on their own (and no this does not mean that adults make the decisions for them). Trying to hype the fear of diseases and the risk of pregnancy are counterproductive.

Why not tell teenagers the truth?

A person with a single partner using condoms is at a very low risk of an STD. This is true for someone in their 20s, and the risk is probably even lower for teenagers with teen aged partners. If you are going to have sex, then use a condom (I hope we are all in agreement here). But there is no reason to exaggerate the risk.

Let's get real. Only 10% of kids say they are sexually active at 14. But, by age 17 this number is over 50%. Teenagers have sex. This has always been true through the Victorian period and through the rigid 1950s, it is part of human nature.

What's important is not stopping it, but making sure that people have what they need to make responsible decisions for themselves.

There is no such thing as a "committed relationship" at the age of 14.

Other than that, I've got no problem with your post. I certainly agree that teens should get real facts about sex. Of course, I also believe these facts should come from mom or dad. But again, I'm a bit old fashioned that way. A bunch of strangers who do not know this girl have no foundation to answer the basic question she asked at the beginning, ie "Am I ready for sex?"

Personally, the fact that she is questioning is proof she is not ready.

There is a world of difference between 14 and 17 - yes, both are teenagers, but
the maturity factor is huge within that age bracket. For once I have to agree with
Coastal Rat: there is no committed relationship at 14!

I think that when you are 18, you will look back on this period of your life and say, "What the hell was I thinking about?"

The loss of virginity is a powerful emotional turning point for any young woman.
What seems to be love at 14, will probably be perceived for what it probably was............a combination of hormones, curiosity, and the desire to cement a relationship with another human being. Problem is, most people of 14 don't have the maturity, the experience the insight and the coping skills to embark on a meaningful sexual relationship.

Virginity is a gift that can be given only once. It is important to the young woman that it be a beautiful and meaningful experience that she can remember fondly for the rest of her life.

don't feel like you have to rush getting your virginity over with. You're young and will have future chances. BUT, if you really feel that this is a decision that you AND your boyfriend have made consciously and you are prepared for the action and the consequences (physically and emotionally) than I say yes.

When I say emotional consequences, having sex for the first time will sky rocket you into a different stage in your life and in your relationship. So just be prepared for the best and the worst. I wish you the best of luck!!

I am shocked in 2010 to hear a woman claim that virginity is a gift to be given away. First of, according to the feminists women are not supposed to gift themselves to men, secondly, I have rarely come across a man who puts much value on virginity. I for one would prefer a women who had learned a thing or two about what to do with her body during sex, I want someone with experience.

I have always had a affinity for the women who say that they did their first time with a random guy so that they could get the first time over with, so that when they found mister right they would know what to do. The overt sentimentality about the first time I see in this thread comes across as corny to me.

I am surprised to hear anyone say this in the 21st century. Have you heard about feminism?

Are you planning on having any kind of a future such as college and then a career as the best possible means of destroying your future beyond child care and low income jobs is by having sex and perhaps babies.

Not to mention the dim future you would be giving to your children and the burden you would be placing on your parents.

You are not in fact placing just yourself at risk but your parents and the next generation in your family with only a condom standing between you and a dead end future for more then one generation.

Get out of high school and into college and learn how to protect yourself from becoming pregnancy and that would include both a condom and birth control.

Also if the worst happen anyway your partner and you would both then be in a far better position to deal with it.

Come on! A teenager needs honest facts on healthy sexuality as practiced in the 21st century, not mystical claptrap from the Middle ages. The backward views on sexuality in this thread are simply sad.

The fact is that in the 21st century, most people have sex for pleasure with no desire to have kids. This is done responsibly by hundreds of millions of people. People today have lots of options. There are birth control choices that include condoms, pills and other choices. There is safe and legal abortion.

There is a sad irony that there is a high rate of teen pregnancy from teens who have made pledges of abstinence. This is because if you aren't getting a real picture of sexuality, you can't make responsible decisions.

The fact is that most people have sex before they leave high school. We have futures, go to college and get good jobs.

Teens need to have access to good reliable information about sexuality that is based on real facts and will help them make responsible decisions.

They don't need fear based attempts to keep them from having sex.

Yes indeed I am sure that would be great comfort for the parents who will end up raising another generation and seeing their daughter future go down in flames.

All because some 14 year old boy did not know how to put a condom on correctly or have it come off when he is inside of her.

Oh well too damn bad.

She have zero rights to place her parents future at risk let alone some future child.

In any case it not going to be her or her 14 year old partner that going to need to pick up the mess she might created.

I'm curious maxdancona, what is your age?

I am middle aged with teen aged kids of my own.

AMAZING

Take a deep breath Bill and let's not get hysterical. I think we agree that lowering the risk of teen pregnancies is an important goal. My point is that foisting abstinence on teens through misleading facts and hyped up fear is a proven failure. It has been tried, and not only has it failed to help adolescents develop healthy relationships, it has even failed to reduce teen pregnancy rates.

Can we at least agree that teaching the 14 year old boy in your example how to use a condom correctly is a good idea?

The answer isn't to scare the heck out of kids with exaggerations about STDs and pregnancies. Better to give kids real information and resources to deal with sexuality in a responsible way.

The most effective way to stop STDs and teen pregnancies is to teach teens (including 14 year old boys) to use condoms correctly.

Your claim that teen aged women don't have rights is too ridiculous for me to even respond to.

Hey, max.
I'll let you pick out 12 fifteen year old boys.
We'll give them condoms.
I'll bet you $100,000.00 that 98% percent of the boys you pick out can't manage to get the condom on correctly in less than two minutes.

Deal?
Oh. forgot to tell you: they will be surrounded by fifty (count'em) fifty of the finest hookers I can find. No charge for costumes because they won't be wearing any.
==
Note: No State recognizes the right or ability of any person under the age of 16 to drive a car, do you think that any 15 year old has the sense to drive a penis?

Joe(How come it doesn't say "Tear open with your teeth?)Nation