23
   

Am I ready for sex??

 
 
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 11 Oct, 2010 10:52 pm
@maxdancona,
Quote:
The answer isn't to scare the heck out of kids with exaggerations about STDs and pregnancies. Better to give kids real information and resources to deal with sexuality in a responsible way.


No 14 year olds have the right to run that kind of risk not only with herself but for her parents and her future children. Responsible and age 14 does not go together!!!!!!!!!

The 14 year old boy is not going to be of any used in taking care of any children he might father and the 14 year old girl is going to dump the problem onto her parents.

So your suggesting that it is either wise or in any way or in any manner correct for a 14 year old to have sex with or without a condom is sick and sickening.

I did not have sex at 14 and a large percent of the people I know did not have sex anywhere near 14 years old either.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  -3  
Reply Mon 11 Oct, 2010 11:21 pm
@maxdancona,
Our young friend is talking about doing something that only 6 percents of 14 years old girls are dumb enough to do now. Good going encouraging her to go ahead with her plans


• The median age at first intercourse is 16.9 years for boys and 17.4
years for girls.6


before age 14 has decreased in recent years, from a high of 8
females aged 15-19) decreased 28 percent between 1990 and
percent of girls and 11 percent of boys in 1995 to a low of 6 percent
of girls and 8 percent of boys in 2002.7

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://docs.google.com/viewer?a=v&q=cache:lzCzqBg8L1cJ:www.kff.org/youthhivstds/upload/U-S-Teen-Sexual-Activity-Fact-Sheet.pdf+average+age+for+sexual+intercourse+in+US&hl=en&gl=us&pid=bl&srcid=ADGEESg2eMz8qP2KIdITJE9WXoWMq_i3nKGlNG6bIB7ljf5cLdpOc5Pbpq5pp1H8bQ5HNiDaZziKe8MoyolTErortJ-gs1UMTHpRmUEIgozi1YFMON-PkKyXlWrz4Y09gEaGaKwtXcRp&sig=AHIEtbRecMlKiPNKHi-mx_a1at2bZB7PQA


Over the last decade, the percentage of all high school students
(9-12th grade) who report ever having had sexual intercourse has
declined. At the same time, among teens who are sexually active,
rates of contraceptive use – including condom use – have
increased. Both factors help to account for the decrease in teen
pregnancy rates in recent years. Yet, despite these trends, about a
third (34%) of young women become pregnant at least once before
they reach the age of 20 – about 820,000 a year,1 and
approximately four million teens contract a sexually transmitted
disease (STD) each year.2

General Sexual Activity

• Fewer than half of all 9-12th grade students report having had
sexual intercourse, reflecting a decline during the last decade
from 53 percent in 1993 to 47 percent in 2003. Males are more
likely than females to report having had sexual intercourse.3, 4
(See Table 1)

Percentage of 9-12th Graders, by Gender,
Who have had Sexual Intercourse, 1993-2003

70%

60%

50%

40%

30%

20%

10%

0%

Source: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1993, 1995, 1997, 1999, 2001, 2003 Youth Risk Behavior Survey.

• The percentage of high school students who have had sexual
intercourse increases by grade. In 2003, 62 percent of 12th
graders had had sexual intercourse, compared with 33 percent of
9th graders.4

• Data about teens’ sexual experiences other than intercourse are
more limited. In 1995, 53 percent of teen males aged 15-19 said
they had been masturbated by a female (an increase from 1988);
49 percent had received oral sex; 39 percent had given oral sex;
and 11 percent had engaged in anal sex.5

First Sexual Intercourse

• The median age at first intercourse is 16.9 years for boys and 17.4
years for girls.6

Pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
• The percentage of teens 15-19 who had initiated sexual intercourse
• The U.S. teen pregnancy rate (the number of pregnancies per 1,000
before age 14 has decreased in recent years, from a high of 8
females aged 15-19) decreased 28 percent between 1990 and
percent of girls and 11 percent of boys in 1995 to a low of 6 percent
of girls and 8 percent of boys in 2002.7

The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation is a non-profit, private operating foundation dedicated to providing information and analysis on health care issues to

policymakers, the media, the health care community, and the general public. The Foundation is not associated with Kaiser Permanente or Kaiser Industries.

2400 Sand Hill Road, Menlo Park, CA 94025 Phone: (650) 854-9400 Facsimile: (650) 854-4800 www.kff.org
Washington, DC Office: 1330 G Street, NW, Washington, DC 20005 Phone: (202) 347-5270 Facsimile: (202) 347-5274

Table 1

53

53

56

54

52

50

50

48

52

49 48

48

47

46

49

48

45

43

Boys
Girls

1993

1995

1997

1999

2001

2003

Sexual Partners and Relationships

• The percentage of 9-12th grade students who report having had four
or more sexual partners has declined in recent years from 19
percent in 1993 to 14 percent in 2003. Males (18%) are more likely
than females (11%) to report having had four or more sexual
partners.3, 4

• Most (74%) sexually active females aged 15-19 have partners who
are the same age or 1-3 years older; for a quarter of girls, their first
partners were 4 or more years older. The younger a girl is when she
has sex for the first time, the greater the average age difference is
likely to be between her and her partner.7

• Teen girls with older male partners are more likely to be sexually
active8, less likely to use contraceptives9, and more likely to face an
unintended pregnancy.10

Abstinence

• In 2003, 66 percent of high school students were currently abstinent,
meaning they had not engaged in sexual intercourse over the last
3 months.4

• Among teens aged 15-17 who have never had sexual intercourse,
94 percent said that concern about pregnancy influenced their
decision to wait. Similar numbers said that concern about HIV/AIDS
(92%), other STDs (92%) and feeling ‘too young’ (91%)
contributed to their choice.11

Contraception and Protection

• Nearly all (98%) teens 15-19 who have had sex report using at least
one method of birth control. The most common methods were
condoms (94%) and birth control pills (61%).7

• In 2002, three quarters (75%) of females and 82 percent of males
15-19 used some method of contraception the first time they had
sex. This has increased from previous years.7

• Nearly one fifth (17%) of sexually active females 15-19 and 9
percent of males the same age said they used no method of
contraception the last time they had sex. 7

• Condom use among 9-12th grade students has increased over the
last decade: In 1993, 53 percent reported using a condom the last
time they had sexual intercourse, compared with 63 percent who
did so in 2003. 3, 4

• Among sexually active teens 15-17, important factors in choosing a
method of birth control include “how well it protects against HIV
and other STDs” (98%) “how well it prevents pregnancy” (94%),
and what “side effects” may exist (93%).12
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 05:42 am
@Joe Nation,
Let's calm down here.

First Joe, the scene you are imagining, middle aged men betting $100,000 on the performance of 15 year old boys surrounded by prostitutes has nothing to do with the issue (and is a rather disturbing image).

The issue here is the best way to support adolescents in developing a healthy and responsible sexuality.

In this thread two options have been offered:

1. Do whatever it takes to get them to stop including scaring the hell out of them with stories of STDs and almost certain pregnancy leading to a inescapable life of misery and crime.

2. Offer real information on responsible sex and a balanced view of the decision that is theirs to make no matter how much adults want absolute control of their adolescents. This would include education on birth control and the correct use of condoms.

This anti-sex hysteria isn't rational. As I have pointed out before, the abstinence only movement has been a failure leading to more teen pregnancies, not fewer. Sarah Palin is a grandparent. I am not.

To answer your driving analogy, I am far far more worried about my kids driving than about them having sex. It is not even close. I think that based on the facts, this is logical.

chai2
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 05:57 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

I am middle aged with teen aged kids of my own.


I'll remember that for when you contradict yourself on future threads.

Not only is it amazing, it's quite unbelieveable.

I think the only people you could fool into thinking you are middle aged are 14 year old girls.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  4  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 06:00 am
@maxdancona,
I don't think those are the only two options (nor the only options offered in this thread). A third option, which I'd support, is:

3. Offer real information so if they find themselves in a situation where they must make use of it, they know wtf they're doing, while ALSO advising that it's a good idea to wait.

Because that's what the issue is here.... she's specifically asking whether she's ready for sex.

Sex at 14 is a serious proposition for many reasons. Not least is sexual maturity, or lack thereof (for all of this talk of "gifts," losing one's virginity is frequently a painful experience for girls). But the emotional component is also huge.

That's why, when asked, I would advise against it. While also encouraging accurate and effective sex ed. (As much as I wish a 14-year-old -- especially a 14-year-0ld girl -- would wait a while, the stakes are too high for just wishful thinking.)
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 06:00 am
@Joe Nation,
Joe Nation wrote:

Note: No State recognizes the right or ability of any person under the age of 16 to drive a car, do you think that any 15 year old has the sense to drive a penis?

Joe(How come it doesn't say "Tear open with your teeth?)Nation


oh Joe, you're the best.

Chai(hey watch out where you're pointing that thing)Tea
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 06:06 am
@sozobe,
You are absolutely right Sozobe.

I think that was the position I was trying to take. My early responses in this thread were in reaction to what I saw as serious overreaction to the side of option #1.

Advising against it is the right thing to do. Scare tactics and misinformation are not.
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 06:33 am
@maxdancona,
Quote:
Advising against it is the right thing to do. Scare tactics and misinformation are not.


What scare tactics are you talking about?

If she begin having sex at 14 with or without a condom she is running a great risk of sooner or later becoming pregnancy at an age where the burden will fall on her parents not her or her boyfriend.

No one should or have any right to run that kind of a risk until they are able to deal with the possible outcomes themselves not hope for the best.
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 06:52 am
@BillRM,
I think Bill that both you and Max are in some agreement here. I think you would both agree that 14 is too young for anyone to become sexually active. At least, I think Max would agree with that. You differ in that Max seems to believe that sex among teens is inevitable while you may be closing your eyes to the fact that sexual activity among teens happens rather often.

With my children, I taught them why I believed it is important to wait until marriage, which includes the dangers of STD's, teen pregnancy, etc. But I also told them that if they chose to have sex, they should always be responsible, both for their own health and their partner's. Part of talking with them openly about sex was so they would know they could always discuss the subject with me.

I think the best advice any of us can give this young lady is first of all to wait. And yes, discuss this with her mom. Her mom knows her better than any of us know her. And then, if she decides for herself that she wants to have sex, then to be responsible and make sure she and her partner do all they can BEFOREHAND to protect themselves.

Just my two cents worth.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 07:43 am
@CoastalRat,
CoastalRat,

You and Sozobe are so good-tempered, civil and reasonable. Please stop. There is absolutely no place for these transparent attempts to reach a sensible common ground in a mud fight such as this thread.


CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 08:03 am
@maxdancona,
Yeah, I know. But it is such fun to try. And it makes me look good too. Cool
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 09:41 am
@maxdancona,
We don't have much experience on A2K together, but those who have know that I am one of the strongest feminists on this site.

Saying that, I still believe that the first time that a young woman has sex is an extremely emotional experience, not to be entered into lightly. If the girl were 18-19, I might advise her differently, but at 14, I think that she does not have the
emotional wherewithal to handle the experience appropriately.

Just because a female is biologically a woman, emotionally, she is still an adolescent.
BillRM
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 10:22 am
@CoastalRat,
The mean age of sex in the US is not 14 it is 17 plus for girls.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 10:29 am
@Phoenix32890,
Phoenix32890 wrote:

Saying that, I still believe that the first time that a young woman has sex is an extremely emotional experience, not to be entered into lightly. If the girl were 18-19, I might advise her differently, but at 14, I think that she does not have the
emotional wherewithal to handle the experience appropriately.

Just because a female is biologically a woman, emotionally, she is still an adolescent.



Yes, I took umbrage at the statement that indicated a woman shouldn't be so old fashioned to want the first time to be a gift and special.

Hey, it's the 21st century! Shouldn't we be beyond that and just call it f*cking?

No.

No one has the right to tell someone, male or female, that their first time shouldn't be considered a gift, and something they will always treasure the memory of.

The first time I had sex, I was nervous, and yes it hurt. In retrospect, not a lot, but it did. However, to this day I can say it was a special event, that I'm glad I picked the person I did (not so much out of love, or wanting to marry this man, but because he was someone who respected me, before during and after)

There are damn few special, memorial events in life, and I'm glad I didn't give up one of them.

And all this nonsense about some small amount /% of 14 year old girls that have already had sex?

What number of this small % were actually ready for it. Certainly not all of them.

Just throwing a number out there, if 5% of 14 year old girls have had sex, and even 50% of them were ready, that's only 2.5 girls.
BillRM
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 10:53 am
@chai2,
The claim that girls will have sex no matter what at a young age so we should just pat them on the shoulders and hope for the best is not true as the numbers show and in my opinion no 14 years old male or female is ready for sex.

To do so is an offense against themselves, against their parents, against any possible children and the society as a whole that have a right to expect people to avoid the chance of becoming parents until they are able to raise children.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 11:37 am
@BillRM,
I understand that Bill. My reference to 14 was specific to the young lady who posed the question, not to the general population as a whole. Sorry if I wasn't clear.
0 Replies
 
CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 11:42 am
@Phoenix32890,
Quote:
but at 14, I think that she does not have the
emotional wherewithal to handle the experience appropriately.


Couldn't agree more. Hopefully the young lady who started this thread is still reading and seriously listening to the advice she is getting. I think most of us would urge her to wait. We just have a few differences in how we are urging her to wait.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 11:56 am
@Phoenix32890,
Quote:
but at 14, I think that she does not have the
emotional wherewithal to handle the experience appropriately.
That is a big statement considering that it was not that long ago that girls were routinely married off at the mid teen years. I am not included to believe that modern girls are as emotionally stunted as you claim.
CoastalRat
 
  6  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 01:01 pm
@hawkeye10,
I would counter that those who were married off at 14 way back when may well have been as emotionally unprepared for sex and marriage as are 14 year olds today. People just weren't concerned about their daughter's emotional well being in years past.

This is not to say that throughout history, even now, some 14 year olds may well be emotionally capable of a sexual relationship. I just doubt that the number would be very high.
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Tue 12 Oct, 2010 01:12 pm
@CoastalRat,
That's a very good point. Also, depending how far back we're going, a 14-year-old then does not necessarily equal a 14-year-old now in terms of how much time has passed since menarche, general maturity level, life span, and all kinds of other things.
 

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