True confessions on an insignificant nature

@squinney,

Quote:

When no one is home, I follow the cat around on my hands and knees just to watch how freaked out she gets by me being on the floor on my hands and knees following her around. Then I laugh hysterically.

You are a truly evil woman, Shelley! Smile

0 Replies

@squinney,

squinney wrote:

LOL at David saying Hi to Roland following the suggestion that Roland might have a shoe fetish. That made me laugh out loud!

I don't know about a shoe fetish, but he sure has a fetish about licking otis's ass.

otis has no arguments with it either.

I used to hear Wally yell "GODDAMIT, knock that off!"

I said "why, they both seem to enjoy it"

Now he just looks the other way.

1 Reply

@chai2,

otis prolly tastes like chicken...

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

No lo comprendo.

You say you're kind to turtles on double yellow lines. Now, my understanding is that someone in the middle of the road is a moderate; and I know that you have no use for moderates in your battle against liberals. So, I don't get it.

I like all turtles, even snapping turtles. Once, when I was in elementary school, I had a number of acquatic species. Then one day in the creek that ran behind our home, I found a baby snapping turtle. I put it in the cage (which consisted mostly of a pool of water) with the other turtles. When I came back later, I was surprised (well, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised Rolling Eyes

) to discover that the baby snapping turtle had bit all of the other turtles' heads off. Crying or Very sad

I didn't kill the baby snapper, but I did take it out of the cage and return it to the creek where it belonged.

1 Reply

Are you a turtle?

2 Replies

@squinney,

Gotta try that with Nermal. Spooky isn't likely to notice.

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

No lo comprendo.

You say you're kind to turtles on double yellow lines.
Now, my understanding is that someone in the middle of the road is a moderate;
and I know that you have no use for moderates in your battle against liberals. So, I don't get it.

That 's a very good point:
I was DELIGHTED when Ms. O'Donnell defeated "moderate"
Mike Castle, who had an F rating from NRA.

wmwcjr wrote:

I like all turtles, even snapping turtles. Once, when I was in elementary school, I had a number of acquatic species. Then one day in the creek that ran behind our home, I found a baby snapping turtle. I put it in the cage (which consisted mostly of a pool of water) with the other turtles. When I came back later, I was surprised (well, maybe I shouldn't have been surprised ) to discover that the baby snapping turtle had bit all of the other turtles' heads off.

Thay must have considered him to be a MONSTER.
I bet that thay wished that thay were better armed.

wmwcjr wrote:

I didn't kill the baby snapper, but I did take it out of the cage and return it to the creek where it belonged.

U BANISHED him, for his offenses.

1 Reply

@squinney,

Who? Me? Well, there have been times when I've been slow ...

And one of my daughters (a university sophomore) likes to wear necklaces with turtle figurines. They're all cute (including her).

0 Replies

@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

Don't worry. Only toads will give you warts.

By the way (seriously), you're to be commended for your humanitarianism.
I myself (not to mention many others, I'm sure) have picked up turtles
that had crawled into the middle of a highway.

To your commendation, I will add mine, for turtilitarianism.

What about the snails who crawl out onto cement sidewalks
when it rains? When I see him moving along down there,
I am very cognizant of his exposure to the danger of getting trampled.
Thay r too slimy to touch; u can 't even wash that slime off with soap.
I have taken ambient leaves of sufficient size to avoid manual contact,
picked him up and hurled him onto a nearby grassy area
(like the one that he probably just came from).

Is that doing him a favor ???
If he just spent the last few hours crawling away from there ?
Is he suicidal ?
Maybe he prefers getting trampled n squashed to continuing life as a snail ?
Its hard to figure out what snails r thinking.

0 Replies

@roger,

Hehe, I was hoping for a free drink.

1 Reply

@squinney,

Yes, I am a turtle.

I crawl on all fours and eat bugs.

(I like this answer better.)

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

Yes, I am a turtle.

I crawl on all fours and eat bugs.

(I like this answer better.)

R u ARMED against your snapping brethren ?????????

1 Reply

@squinney,

Next time you're in the area, let me know.

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

No, I only have legs.

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

wmwcjr wrote:

No, I only have legs.

Well, practice pulling your head into your shell anyway.

0 Replies

@OmSigDAVID,

Regarding Ms. O'Donnell's victory in the primary election: This is the first election of any kind in which one of the candidates took a stand on the pressing issue of masterbation. She actually was quite courageous. I figured that all the masterbaters would vote against her.

I honestly had thought that the baby snapping turtle would leave the other turtles alone. But I was wrong, dead wrong. I was horrified by the bloody sight that greeted my eyes. All of their heads were bitten off! (the horror ... the horror) I remember there being at least four other turtles in the enclosure, and that baby snapper had killed them all! I guess he just wanted to be left alone. Well, he was alone. He was the only one left. At least two of the murder victims were bigger than the baby snapper. That little murderer truly was another Jack the Ripper -- er, Jack the Biter.

You're not kidding when you say that the other turtles should have been better armed. Well, actually, they didn't have any arms. All they had were legs. Rolling Eyes

And, finally, the baby snapper (which had only done what comes natural to snapping turtles) wasn't actually banished. After all, the creek was where it wanted to be.

1 Reply

@wmwcjr,

Too bad their shells did not have doors that thay coud close
against horrible monsters; imagine what their final conversations
must have been !

0 Replies

@Joe Nation,

Joe Nation wrote:

It's nearly impossible to tear off one sheet of TP while standing. 'nuff said.

It is a known historical fact
that it is fast & e z to tear off an individual sheet of Bounty (ex-) Kitchen Towels.
(Thay cease to be Kitchen Towels, when u take them for use into the bathroom.)

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Except when they plug the pipes and the plumber charges a fortune to clear the lines.

1 Reply

@Ceili,

The trick is to use only one sheet of Bounty; shoud be no problem.

1 Reply

True confessions on an insignificant nature

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know