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How do I find my biological father whom I have never met or had any contact with?

 
 
Velzie
 
  1  
Sat 14 Jun, 2014 08:16 am
Hi all, just have a question I found out not long ago that my father that left my mum the second she fell pregnant also rapped my mother and had a family and kids on the side without mum knowing as well. For years and years I have been wanting to find him and settle the score but in the last 2 years I have really over come the anger towards him and the situation and looked at the positives that came out of it.. Now I am at the stage where I'm starting to wonder what he looks like and sounds like.... Would going and finding out be a good idea or is it opening more doors for hurt and anger???
jespah
 
  1  
Sat 14 Jun, 2014 11:34 am
@Velzie,
It's hard to say. How does your mother feel about this? I think the person you should be connecting with about this, first, is her. I'd follow her lead on this.

Assure her that it's just about curiosity. You're not trying to replace her, you're not angry with her, and you aren't looking to leave her or idolize your biological father. If you have a stepfather, I'd involve him, too, and give him similar assurances. Tell him how grateful you are that he raised you. Tell them both that you love them (something that's kinda nice to do any day of the week).

One very legitimate reason for finding out about your biological father, apart from curiosity and perhaps a need for some closure, is the desire to know your biological heritage. If cancer runs in that side of the family, if you carry a genetic disease like Tay-Sachs or Sickle Cell Anemia, you should know about that, in order to make more informed reproductive decisions in the future.

Plus there is a family on that other side, but understand that you would be upsetting the apple cart, and they are definitely innocent in all of this. His other family might embrace you as a long-lost sister/brother. They might reject you. They might blame you and your mother for any problems that their parents had. They might partly accept you, and partly not. They might even ask you for money.

So recognize that this can be a bit of a minefield that you're stepping into. You have rights and you're an innocent in this as well. But be sensitive to others' concerns, needs, and feelings in all of this.

And tell your mother that you love her because, you know, you probably should. Wink <3

PS Welcome to A2K.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  -2  
Sat 14 Jun, 2014 05:05 pm
@katiegreek,
katiegreek wrote:

Its actually both because I found out some stuff at my doctor and they need to know what is on my dads side and I have no idea. Also I would just like to meet him, see what he looks like and other things.


#1 Doctors have been making diagnoses on people without knowing the history of one side of the family for years. Do they "need" to know what is on your fathers side, or did they say it would be helpful.

#2 I've said this in other threads, but I am a firm believer that if a birth parent has not indicated they want contact, the child, even as an adult, needs to leave them Alone. This man may, well probably has a family of his own that knows nothing about you. The fact that he had sex with a woman one time does not give you the right to even try to get into his life.
If he hasn't made any sort of contact, it's because he doesn't want to. Leave him alone.

The fact you would like to know what he looks like, and "other things", does not chop ice.
Romeo Fabulini
 
  1  
Sat 14 Jun, 2014 07:50 pm
Quote:
Katie said: it was a one night stand and he didn't want anything to do with me

Well if the louse didn't want you, why do you want him?
0 Replies
 
zandla
 
  1  
Tue 17 Jun, 2014 11:44 pm
M looking my Father name is Gert Coetzer was stay in Mpumalanga Kleinbuffelspruit around 1981 until 1990 , I don't have a birth certificate for him please help me. Thank u Zandile Soko
0 Replies
 
kherene joyce
 
  1  
Sun 13 Jul, 2014 02:44 am
Im kherene joyce tabaƱag artianza and im looking for my father honesto john carter broncanio could you help me me fine myfather
0 Replies
 
Romeo Fabulini
 
  -2  
Sun 13 Jul, 2014 05:49 am
Hey Katie, your old man didn't want you, so it beats me why you should want him. Forget him, he's a loser and doesn't deserve you
0 Replies
 
ashpooh 213
 
  1  
Thu 23 Oct, 2014 07:15 pm
Hi yes im 22 years old and I've never seen my father because my mother said that he told her to get an abortion with me when she was still pregnant and that I was not his daughter and I have a brother I've never seen and will love to meet the both of them because I have four children that will love them and I would to ... and his name is Tyrone pernell Johnson
0 Replies
 
tayder
 
  0  
Wed 5 Nov, 2014 01:49 pm
@katiegreek,
i wonna fine my farther now cause i dont know what he looks like i wont to fine him
0 Replies
 
cjmccarty
 
  1  
Fri 14 Nov, 2014 04:19 pm
I am 28 years old and never met my father. I have always questioned things about him. However, my mother tells me that he can't remember his last name, only the first name and the city where she met him. I am at a dead end without his last name. Anybody have any suggestions? I want to be able to tell my children about their grandfather or at least be able to know something more about him before I die. Please email me with any suggestions: [email protected].
dodge69
 
  1  
Mon 8 Dec, 2014 02:10 pm
@caesarprafg,
Your situation sounds identical to mine. My mother was 17 and she gave birth to me and for 14 years wouldn't tell me who my father was until she told me his name now I am on the search to find him. I am 24 now about to be 25.
0 Replies
 
Winstons1215
 
  1  
Sat 3 Jan, 2015 06:23 pm
I have never even seen my dad he left before I was born and I only know his first name.HELP! What steps do I take?
0 Replies
 
escobedogirl12
 
  1  
Sun 11 Jan, 2015 10:29 pm
@katiegreek,
Hi I know how you feel. I am looking for my dad, and my mom doesn't want me to but I want to know if he loves me and wants me or if he doesn't want anything to do with me. If you do find your dad can you try to tell me if I have hope or not. Oh and if you do congrats.
0 Replies
 
Franklin RAY
 
  1  
Fri 30 Jan, 2015 01:07 am
@shelbydancy,
Hi, I m in the same boat. I will be 50 this year and know nothing . its been quite a challenge growing up not knowing who you are. if you have any info on DNA testing please share your info ,I would be so greatful.
0 Replies
 
Linda miller
 
  1  
Tue 3 Feb, 2015 03:42 pm
Hi my name is Linda and I found out the man that raised me isn't my real dad, all my mom cam remember is my dad's real name. I have searched for years and found no one that knows him. I recently used Facebook to send out the only picture I have of him and it's the day he married my mom in 1963 and after 96 messages and 6 states later still no one knows his face or name. Something has to give I amoretti sure he deceased but I can't find out anything with in a name and state. If anyone can help please call me or email me

[email protected] please help
jespah
 
  1  
Wed 4 Feb, 2015 07:14 am
@Linda miller,
If there was a valid marriage then there is a marriage certificate. You need to also get to the house of worship or wherever the marriage took place.
0 Replies
 
Natasha28
 
  2  
Mon 9 Feb, 2015 04:44 pm
@katiegreek,
My name is Natasha Crighton i was adopted when i was 1and I don't know my father never seen him I don't even know if he knows that he have a child. I have a 3 year old son just cause he wasn't there for me it doesn't mean he can't be there for my son
0 Replies
 
Nick-keyfood
 
  1  
Tue 10 Feb, 2015 01:43 am
@katiegreek,
Hi Katie and to all hopeful searchers,
My name is Nick. I'm a black man from brooklyn N.Y. Searching for a child that was a result of a one time situation. I'm posting this comment to let ppl know that fathers search as well. See, most times, men don't get the chance to tell the other truth. I really wanted to be there for my child and I really care for Shelia, however she stayed in her troubled relationship cutting me out. I suffer in anguish for my child. My advice to all is to Pray. Thats the first step. Ask The LORD for guidance, preparation and the ability to forgive with the capacity to love. I know the day is coming soon that I will meet my child. Believe your day will be revealed as well. GOD Bless!
0 Replies
 
casey1986
 
  1  
Wed 4 Mar, 2015 01:29 am
My mothers name was serelda casey, im 28 years old an looking for my biological father. My mother has passed away so dont have much info on him.
0 Replies
 
ally96
 
  1  
Thu 5 Mar, 2015 09:16 pm
Hello im ally and my mum raised me up and thought i was my stepdad daughter but when i was born i looked different, he however still registered me as his daughter on my BC, when i was in year 8,I found out about him and his name and everything, i managed to talk tohim but he kinda doesn't believe I'm the daughter, my mum p assed away and before she did, he was the only man's name she said. What do i do?
0 Replies
 
 

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