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Sun 1 Aug, 2010 08:16 am
I'm in the dog house again. This Sunday morning, I woke before my spouse as is our routine and started coffee, and did a little exercise. When it started getting around the time where we would flirt with being late to church, I went to see if she was stirring yet. She was - in fact, she was sitting up looking thoughtful. I said "oh, you're up!" She said "Yeah, I was having a bad dream for about 4 hours." I then innocently asked, "What was the dream about?" and nestled down on the bed, for her to tell me. She then embarked on a re-telling in great, character and detail filled length, of her dream. I have at one time or another considered myself a pretty good listener. But after 10 minutes or so (at least it felt like 10 minutes), I said something like "Man! this is the longest dream ever in history!" I knew I had stepped in it as soon as I said it, and my wife's face clearly and immediately showed her hurt. I tried to backpedal by saiying "You sure can remember a lot of detail! I only remember the broad themes of dreams, and whether they're bad or good! Was the worst part of that one the gore of the head getting shot?" But the deed was done - I again am the partner that does not listen to her, and does not let her express things the way she needs to.
I get myself in these dog house situations so easily. I wish I had more patience with her when she takes 5 times as long as I would to say something. There's no reason why I shouldn't just let her talk, but a lot of times I find it hard to just sit quietly when half the time I already know what she's going to say.
Anybody been there?
Absolutely - and it drives me crazy!!
Must I hear EVERY tangential detail?? ("We were walking on State Street, or no it was Green Street, you know where the clock is; I think it was noon, no maybe it was three because the kids were out of school, the Smith boy was there . . . . ")
I find that holding that gently holding that person's face and saying something like, "Oh that must have been (wonderful/scarey/awful) for you. Let's get breakfast and you can tell me what the main frightening thing was?
Other than that, mentally practice your times tables . . .
@snood,
The way you described your awakening and your activity waiting for her to wake up, is it possible that you wanted to have sex rather than listen to her dream?
BBB
Of COURSE he was!
But all he was going to get was a story.
Maybe he should have said, "Let me get in bed with you and make you feel safe . . ."
@BumbleBeeBoogie,
Counta be that BBB. Would Snood be late for/miss church just for a little sex?
My wife speaks at great length, telling her stories circularly and going over them in great detail, often three times at a telling. A day or more later she might be triggered in repeating some story in the same fashion. There were times in the past this annoyed me. But, I know it helps her to go through all that and so I patiently listen and comment appropriately. I learned patience when I was very young and few expectations were met. I can outwait anybody.
@snood,
People just don't understand that the dream has more of an emotional impact that it can ever have on those who didn't have it. That just reliving the dream by way of recounting by the dreamer could not particularly express this emotional impact especially if it's just a mere recounting of plot and dream facts.
I think you did your part Snood and you showed concern for her and were there when she made the herculean effort in retelling her dream. She shouldn't have felt so bruised by your little-bit-overt impatience because when people recall their dreams who knows how long they will keep on describing that dream before they get to the emotional punchline.
I guess if it happens next time, to keep out of the dog house, you have to bite your lip and ride out the hurricane of dream retelling and hope it's not a half hour long dreadfully boring
Ingmar Bergman film.
@edgarblythe,
Quote:I learned patience when I was very young and few expectations were met. I can outwait anybody.
I utterly respect your specialized martial arts prowess
master sensei!
@tsarstepan,
You have no idea. Without it I would be long dead.
I have no idea if you are a good listener as I have never had a conversation with you. I doubt that sex is in any way relevant to your post. I also think/believe women in general are far more involved in the process of explaining often derailing the content of their own communication to the point where no-one has any idea what the conversation is about. this seems especially true when women are using the phone, they can call a friend/relative whatever to ask about their health and 2 hours later, still on the phone have no idea as to the health of the person they called.
@tsarstepan,
tsarstepan wrote:
Quote:I learned patience when I was very young and few expectations were met. I can outwait anybody.
I utterly respect your specialized martial arts prowess
master sensei!
Really, edgar. It is a skill of utmost value and you have my kudos for possessing it.
And thanks to all who replied. I have since crawled out of the doghouse, and back into favor. We missed church. No sex yet, just some hugging and talking.
@snood,
Hugging and talking is all that's appropriate to the situation, snood.
@edgarblythe,
"Oh dear, I see your coffee has gotten cold, here let me heat it up for you or would you prefer a fresh cup?"
@dyslexia,
Your makeup is crooked. Well, I thought you already had it on.
@edgarblythe,
edgarblythe wrote:
Hugging and talking is all that's appropriate to the situation, snood.
Talking about the Red Sox... appropriate or not appropriate intimate conversation?
If I ever find myself in this situation I would like to know if this topic is a viable one.
I have a few simple solutions:
1) I grab my electric guitar and arpeggiate scales, it's unplugged so makes almost no sound.
2) I get my laptop and take notes / record the proceedings, that adds dimensionality.
3) I analyze conceptual problems I will be addressing shortly in front of my class such as...what happens to the secondary voltage in an auto-transformer when the primary magnetic field is expanding? Given the fact that the primary magnetic field is taking energy from the line and converting it to a magnetic field, is there energy being supplied to the secondary at this precise time, or only when the primary magnetic field is collapsing?
@Chumly,
Chumly wrote:
I have a few simple solutions:
1) I grab my electric guitar and arpeggiate scales, it's unplugged so makes almost no sound.
2) I get my laptop and take notes / record the proceedings, that adds dimensionality.
3) I analyze conceptual problems I will be addressing shortly in front of my class such as...what happens to the secondary voltage in an auto-transformer when the primary magnetic field is expanding? Given the fact that the primary magnetic field is taking energy from the line and converting it to a magnetic field, is there energy being supplied to the secondary at this precise time, or only when the primary magnetic field is collapsing?
Chumly
Your third suggestion is probably the most realistic and viable for me, although I'd have to substitute the subject matter with something in which I am versed. The first two wouldn't work, because she tends not to like it if I'm 'noodling' with anything while she's talking.
@snood,
Is number 2 headed the same direction as number 1, Snood?
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