Once I thought I was a listener

Huh?

Woof.

tsk

you men just don't get it.

we wimmins tell you the entire story to Save You Time in the long run.

y'see, once we get finished, there's no need to ask to clarify anything, because we have considerately given you all the information.

Unlike men, who routinely make an announcement one day, like "I'm going to commit suicide this evening" and you find out it's because of the 10,000 things that have been bothering him over the last 11 years, none of which he's ever mentioned.

your point being?

And all you have to show for it is 11 years of blissful silence.

Are you nuts?

What the guy has to show for it is 11 years of the woman asking "what's wrong?" and "you never talk"

Pick you poisen, just remember who has all the vagina between the 2 of you.

Lovely dog photo, Tsar.

Snood, I have some short circuiting with my patience, not so much for one person's long story (I've been known to be that one person), but for continuing arguing over disagreeing points of view. Mostly our marriage worked since we didn't try to change each other. It eventually failed, after a couple of decades, but that's another story having more to do with our ages and interests. But even outside of marriage, say re a2k posts, I have low patience for arguing in circles, on and on and on.

You tell 'em sistah!

And the ad, guess!




















EHarmony.

ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if finding a "more suitable" partner is going to change this situation!!!

I consciously stopped telling Hubby long stories some time ago. (He may not agree, but believe me, I stop myself routinely.) I also stopped expecting him to explain things in detail. Men just don't like to do that. That's what women friends are for. (Be glad she spends hours talking on the phone, Dys. She could be trying to have those conversations with you! Hahaha...)

I'm not a man, and I don't get it.

I'm not a fan of the long story. Get to the point and move on.

(Imagine how that works given my co-vivant.)



Maybe I am a man.

My experience comparing long vs. short, or what I consider thorough vs. getting to "a" point, is that the 2nd way is far less efficient.


I'll say "I'm going to Walgreens to get hydrogen perioxide, witch hazel and band aids. Then I'm going to Pet Smart to get cat litter. Then I'm going to yoga at Westgate (Central Market is right next to the yoga place). Do you need anything?"

He'll reply "Get some of that fur ball malt and a loaf of rosemary sourdough bread"

Me: "do you need anything from Walgreens, or anywhere else?"

Him: "uh....oh yeah. rembrandt toothpaste"

Me: "anything else?"

Him: Isn't Central Market next to that book store? See if they have that new mystery novel I want.


********

Man's conversation....

"I'm going out." That, in his mind, is the entire point.

Me: (knowing that means he's going to buy something) Where you goin'?

Him: Walgreens

Me: Could you pick up x,y,z?


Then, 2 hours later, he comes back with bags from not just Walgreens, but stuff from Pet Smart, but no cat litter, which we're now out of, items from the book store that's right next to Central Market, (I would have asked him to buy this other book I've wanted), and within 1/2 an hour of coming home he says "we're out of bread"

Yes, thanks for getting to the point. Your conciseness means a whole 'nother drive around town for guess who.

I'm definitely the "I'm going out" person.

If ya just had your damn list ready, then none of this would have had to happen, Chai.

So, in the scenerio I gave, you're ok with causing more work for either yourself, or another person, because you didn't fully communicate?

example operating procedure in our house;
Lady Diane "I'm going to get my allergy shot" 1:00 p.m.----4:30 p.m. Lady Diane returns, " I stopped at the cafe on 4th st for lunch, then went to the meat market, picked up some nice Porterhouse steaks, Went to drug store and got a bottle of Excedrin and stopped at Sears where I got some water filters for the fridge (I hope these are the right size) then drove around down by the zoo looking for that dog park I heard about.
Dys "I see your car is full, you need some help?"
Diane "No, I just picked up a few things at the market, I can get it"...................................

Dys says "I'm going to the market, we're out of milk" 35 minutes later, Dys puts milk in fridge.

The thing is all the above is the norm and is expected, none of it is problematic, I know/expect it and so does Lady Diane.

We keep a list on the fridge of what's needed.

Then we're both more likely to say "I'm going out." There might be more discussion of which places we're going if the other one will be going out too, and we need to be sure we don't duplicate. But it's pretty straightforward.

In terms of lipreading, I really value linearity and cannot stand it when anyone (male or female, and it's both though it's more often females) goes onandonandon in a loopy, stream-of-consciousness way while constantly losing the plot and letting introductions to subjects dangle while moving on to other things -- ugh!! Drives me absolutely batty. If it's someone who does it in an entertaining (especially humorous) way, that makes the effort worth it. But the ones who do it with no particular humor and no particular upshot piss me off bigtime. If I have a limited amount of reserves per day in terms of lipreading, they've just wasted a big chunk for absolutely no discernible reason. Argh. *

This is much worse in terms of face-to-face communication than reading. I can go along with written meanders pretty well, no skin off my nose. (Well, content still matters. I'll happily read a long dlowan or chai post. Sometime sun, not so much.)


*Except for "rapport talk." Y'all know the drill right, I talk about this a lot but only because it seems apropos so often. (General) female way of talking: Rapport talk (build social connections). (General) male way of talking: Report talk (convey important information). I tend towards the male, though there is some of each.

Perhaps you missed the cartoon, or are unfamiliar with the M.C. Escher original the cartoon is referring to:

Additional communication may or may not result in less work; it depends on the kind of world the parties inhabit.