Screw Valentines day. You want to dump her, that doesn't mean going out with her in Feb. Tell her you're sick of her playing games, you're too busy for that stuff, and you need to concentrate on meeting women who'll treat you the way you should be treated.
Then YOU cut the conversation short with something like "I've got some things to do, I gotta get out of here to go meet someone. Bye."
Then don't call her.
I dont know why but for some reason listening to Howard Jones "Like to get to know you well" is motivating me to let her go! Go figure, Curious.
Oh yes, and best of luck! Don't worry about how will you be able to tell in a few months whether to let her come back or not. That is far away and you will feel different then - you can't figure that out now. Take care of today's problems today and leave future ones for the future.
Right, I wouldn't be the least bit worried if she'll be around in Feb, I'd be worried about going out and meeting other girls.
Well, there has been good advice here. Personally, I don't think you are really in a mental state to let go yet, but you will have to figure that our yourself. You can't really give things the rest they need by planning anniversary dates at the same time. Keep in mind that it sends really mixed messages when you do that. You have to be strong, and let her come back to you. Don't try to control the situation from both sides, or you'll end up in the same mess you are now. A little unwavering manliness on your side may just do the trick you know.
You must pick a time period. If it is to be three months, not six, then let it NOT fall on Valentines Day. This day puts too much emotional pressure on you both and is not a good scenario or time to discuss your relationship expectations. I think six months is a good option since a lot of growing can be done in that time and it gives both of you the chance to explore other relationships. Three months might be short in the sense that all the issues cannot be resolved within that timeframe. However it is up to both of you to decide that together. Don't put pressure on V-Day to be together and have everything hunkey dorey ... it will be so disappointing if that doesn't happen. While dates like this are important to many people, in the grand scheme of things it is not going to kill either of you to not be together for it. It is not the end of the world to spend it apart and take the time you need to mend what it is that is not complete between you.
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhh Now I don't know what to do!?!?!?!?!?!?
Fred, whatever your feelings, I think some straightforward brutal honesty is needed here. I would sit her down, tell her you are not happy with the games she is playing, and tell her that until she can make up her mind and mature a little, it's over, plain and simple. Then wait. Stop it already with this time frame stuff. If you do that, she will know that YOU will be the one crawling back, so why should she bother giving your relationship proper thought? She is already clearly in control. You have to change the balance of power here, or you are doomed to have her walk all over you again.
Fred, we can given advice from YES BREAK UP, to
TAKE SOME TIME APART to various other things.
It's all food for thought because it is you ultimately who will make the decision on what it is you want to do. We can blather on until the cows come home but only you can decide if it is a break or a break-up. Look into your heart and see what it is that you really want here, what will make you (and she) happy and then set a goal to work towards that.
what do you want for yourself? we can give advice, but it is you who has to decide.
in my humble opinion - precisely because you sound like you are not strong enough to let go yet - i would not let her back right now. you are too vulnerable and soon enough you'd be just where you were. you both need time. so cut things off for awhile. time is the best healer.
I want to be with her but at the same time I want for her to just be happy. And I want to be happy too.
A good goal.
What would need to change for it to happen?
Decide this, tell her, hold her to it, is still my advice.
True, whatever you do decide, hold to it, do not give in.
But make a firm decision.
I think "Fleetwood Mac" said it best when they said "You can go your own way"!!!!!!
Maybe you could sing your decision to her (kidding!)
I also agree with Heeven 100%. Even if you end it with her, it doesn't mean she won't come back. If you tell her the reasons why you're ending it, it will put her in a position to where she has to make up her mind. Good luck.
Keep us posted how it went and how you coped!
so........what did Fred do?
