How do I let someone go? :(

Hiya Fred,

I think you can take an intermediate step... lay things on the line. Say what YOU want from the relationship and what needs to happen for you to continue with it. Make it abundantly clear that if things don't happen in that way, you won't continue with the relationship.

Then stick to it.

Who knows, she might decide that she doesn't want to lose you and shape up.

Good luck!

sozobe read my other thing first its under "Help love sucks" then you might see where I need help

I did, Fred. Have read it all.

Well were not in a relationship right now but I feel that she wants her cake and eat it too, but yet at the same time I am no ones fall back she is not going to just leave me 2 times and then when you feel you need me again come back.

Please tell me what could I say that could just be like "POW"! and make her think "Damn what did I do"? "What did I just give away"

Right, that's what I'm getting at. Say all of those things.

What you have been saying throughout is that you realize that she is not treating you right, but you have strong feelings for her. I'm saying that rather than presenting it as a fair accompli -- she's been mean to you, so you're completely over, end of story -- present it as a potentially solvable problem. She's been mean to you, that's not acceptable, so that needs to stop. If it doesn't stop, you're over. If she feels she can't be nice to you, no reason to continue.

If the result of the conversation is that she vows to get her act together, then hold her to it.

She may just be acting badly because she thinks she can, and if she knows she can't get away with it, she may change her ways. Nothing to plan on, but it's possible.

True but she is the one that has been saying that we are not good together that we dont make sense at times but then at times we do. She is not the one that wanted to see me today I asked her. She was however the one that wanted to see me all last week then like WOW I cant talk to you anymore but she keeps comming back!!!!!!! AAAAHHHHHH

What could someone say to you that makes you realize that you were doing wrong?

Tonight you are going to meet her?

Okay, take her hand in yours and thank her for the good times you have had together. Tell her how you have loved being with her and will always cherish that. Then tell her that you want to remember her that way and that's why it is time for you two to never see each other again. Tell her you could not bear the thought of that love disintigrating into hate because of the anguish you have been feeling lately. Tell her that you know that your soul-mate is out there and sadly it is not her. Wish her well and walk away.

If she calls you, bumps into you, or has any contact with you ever again, be pleasant and act a little like a stranger. Be polite but removed. It will drive her nuts. You MUST change the way you act around her. I can tell that what you really want is for her to come to her senses and profess her undying love for you. She is young and immature (and I don't mean immature in a bad way, just that she is still learning about love and feelings and is not ready for that all-encompassing relationship that you want). You simply have to make the break. She will be astonished that you can do it but you must be strong. I guarantee that in weeks and months down the road the heartache will lessen and you will be the better for it.
If she matures enough to realize what she ruined she may try to get you back. Be firm and tell her you have changed and your feelings are not the same, that you are a little less in love with her because her behavior disappointed you. Don't be mean or nasty, be pleasant but firm and don't let her walk all over you ever again - that is no relationship.

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT'S IT THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR!!!!!!!!!!! HEEVEN YOU MUST BE FROM HEAVEN!!!!!! BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO SAY, AND YOU ARE RIGHT I DO WANT HER TO COME BACK BUT ONLY WHEN THINGS ARE MEANT TO BE

If anyone has anything else that they could add PLEASE DO!!!!!!!!

I read the other discussion too, Fred. Tell her it makes you sad to let her go, but you just aren't up to treating yourself this way. Don't try to make her feel bad. Take the blame yourself, if you need to, because what the heck, you aren't going to be seeing her again anyway. You've no turf to defend here. Just get it over with.

Fred, it's the want her to come back part that I was addressing. If that's really what you want, make that the deal NOW. Heeven's suggestion is great, but it's permanent. You guys won't be getting together, ever.

If you lay things on the line now, it may signal a shift to a more mature relationship, or it may signal the end. But I worry that if you "end" things as a tactic, you'll just be in for a lot more worrying and plotting and we're going to see a bunch more posts about "she hasn't called me, it's been 3 months, can I call her now?" etc., etc.

If your hope of getting back together is a motivating factor, SAY SO. If she has hurt you so much that you want to have nothing more to do with her, make in PERMANENT.

I want to get back together with her sooooooooooooo bad. And this is the exact same way we got back together last time. I just dont like the fact of how it happens! She has told me many of times if I were to just reject her that, that would make her want me soooooo much more. WEll what can I say I am a softy and thats where I come in asking for your guy's advice

Give her ONE more chance -- and mean it -- or no more chances. Decide which, and stick to it.

Sticking to it will be everything.

Fred, I might add that in my younger days I had a very similar experience. I was the young girl and I treated a guy who loved me like crap. I was immature and was scared of his overwhelming feelings for me. He talked about marriage and babies and I fled! However I was so attracted to him I kept enticing him back again and again. I couldn't seem to let him go and yet I couldn't handle him when we were together. Finally we split up for good, after three years of yo-yo'ing and it was a huge relief - to both of us. I look back and regret how badly I treated him. Now he is happy and I am happy. We unexpectedly bumped into each other a while back. While we talked fondly about each other we know that we were not right together.

If it is to be right for you two, then some real time apart might be what is best. If you cannot bring yourself to break with her forever, set a six month period in which you will both date other people and not speak to each other. Agree to meet when the six months are up regardless of whether either of you have a partner to either discuss where you go from here or say goodbye forever.

Heeven you are so right and your experience is exactly the same as ours to the T. I truly thank you. If you have any other ideas you could share with me please do

Quick question Heeven we both have already agreed that no matter what we were going to set Valentines day aside for ourselves since that will be our 1 year anniv. What do I do if I decide to set this six month thing into effect?

Fred, I would just suggest, that even if you do want her to come back badly, it would be best to cut all strings at least for some months. Heeven is right, the girl needs time to figur her own things out. I would go exactly with what Heeven said, it sounds very right.