What are the rewards of being in a long-term relationship?

Thank you, that post had a lot of good stuff in it. I did love sleeping together. And I liked cooking dinner together...going to the store, planning the meal, buying whatever it is we needed, cooking it as a team...I definitely ate better when I was with her. Dinners. That's a good reward.



This part does something for me too. I'm not sure what, but I think I can use this somehow.

Crabs! Now there's a reward!

Thank you, Osso. And I will seize the day! As soon as I can get this whole bursting-into-tears-at-any-random-moment thing under control, I will!

But, the thing is, I think my hesitation might be just an irrational or aversion to relationships in general, with no rational reason behind it. It really could be that. What if it's that, and I follow that bad instinct, and I lose the woman who I've been waiting for all my life?

Do Lions get married??



HELL NO!!

Why would a Lion get married?

No one said anything about marriage. He doesn't have to get married. He's just weighing the advantages and disadvantages of being in a long term relationship with one woman. Marriage is totally overrated, love and devotion is not.

ok.

right.

No relationship has to be the end all of everything.
Marriage is useless.
If two people are really GOING to work together and DO work well together, their relationship will last as long as it should. That could be the entire life, and then maybe not.

I think a lot of people tend to think that just saying yes to a relationship means the end of their life as they know it and that there is no way out.
Relationships are not permanent. Under any circumstances. Just relax and enjoy them for as long as they last

grrrr.... my post was eaten....

Having been single for most of the last 10+ years I have wondered the same thing often. Here's what I've come up with over the years.

When in a committed relationship you:
1. grow by learning how to compromise
2. grow by learning how to communicate
3. get sex when you want it (I know this doesn't necessarily pan out)
4. get beneficial, consistent hormonal influences from the opposite sex (if heterosexual)
5. have someone who can (hopefully) pick you up after your eyes have been dilated at the ophthalmologist's or when your car is in the shop.
6. have someone to make sure you don't die when you get sick

good post, little k. It often doesn't pan out, but then you know that.

It keeps me engaged, there is always this working with another person.

It keeps me humble, my woman knows all my faults.

The sex is fantastic between two people who know each other very well, who know where and how hard to push the buttons of the other in pursuit of erotic boundaries.

It provides the framework for raising children in a stable environment, which is deeply rewarding. It is even better when the kids turn out to be fine adults.

My thing when in a longer relationship is a kind of warm feeling in my solar plexus!

This is after the wild excitement and heart pounding and obsession stuff is kind of overish...though with the right person I do maintain that for a loooooooong time.

It's just nice to know they're there.

I am a very independent sort, and pick (generally) others of the same ilk, so there's always lots of space for both of us....but the couple rituals are nice, and almost always having someone to go places with, even if your friends don't fancy it, or can't make it is cool.

This is weird, but, given the couple bias that exists, I just feel (much as it pisses me off, and much as I try to deny it) sort of affirmed as a person and accepted as adult when in an ongoing relationship.

But...I get suffocated very easily, so I doubt I will EVER be in a really long-term (decades) relationship...even if I have decades left.


I think it's really cool when someone really knows you and can laugh at you and tell you when x neurosis is rearing its head and still love you.

My glorious friends do a lot o the stuff Little k mentions....but that stuff is also a real plus in a relationship.

I do the taxes, RP kills the really big bugs. We go food shopping together.

I keep up with the family birthday and Chanukah cards, RP handles the phone calls from my cousin who cannot shaddap. We plan (and go on) our vacations together.

No one was more supportive to me as I lost weight. I hope I've done enough for him in terms of making the all-diet, all-the-time food palatable and varied. We run 5Ks together.

He's taught me to relax, that most things don't have to be done right this minute. I hope I've given him a sense of urgency on some things.

We cook together. Someone is making salads, another is making smoothies. The main dish is miraculously heated up -- someone just does it. Then we sit in front of some sporting event or another and watch, and talk about our days. That might not be super-thrilling to some (or maybe most), but it is our home life. "How was your day?" is often followed by "Didya see that hit?"

I am just about always cold these days. Losing your insulation will do that to a person. When I crawl into bed alone, unless it's about 65 degrees or warmer, I'm freezing. But when RP gets in beside me, I'm warm.

It's -- to quote Goldilocks -- just right.

And to add to the quote, you want to make the compromise, if it seems like too much work, then you really do not want to invest the energy (most likely for a reason).

Do you/did you also get a compromise on her side? Was she willing to "change/compromise" at all?

It is worth it, if it is with the right person for you and you are ready for it, yourself. Honestly, I don't think being either single or being in a long term relationship is necessarily better, just each has their pros and cons.

I agree with Greenwitch that it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship . . . even to be in a mediocre relationship.

I had to chuckle over littlek's observation that a partner does provide you with transportation to and from difficult medical procedures. It is so nice to have someone help you out!

However, in both my long term relationships some of the things I wanted to do were lost. I went fishing every weekend for the first year of my marriage. I would take in movies while he was away on business trips. I expected him to keep track of the fact that we always followed his path but that he would step aside and indulge me once in awhile. It never happened. In the fall, as fishing waned but before x-country skiing, I brought up the fact that we never stayed in Boston as promised before we were married. Despite a torrential downpour and despite the fact that we went to the Museum of Science, he was sullen the entire weekend.

A long term relationship sans give and take or compromise is no relationship.

plainoldme and littlek " the transportation to and from medical procedures reminds me of what happened that started me towards ending a long term relationship. Hope you all don’t mind the diversion…

I had dated this guy for about 8 years. He pretty much sold his parents’ home and was moving them out of their house " it was during the summer and they pretty much lived in Europe during the summer. So he was moving their crap and they owned a lot of crap. It was dusty dirty work throwing and donating all the crap that they never threw away for over 25 years.

As a result, I ended up hurting my eye. I woke the next morning feeling like there was glass in my eye. Boyfriend went to the drug store for eye wash " nothing would wash want felt like glass from my eye. So I called the doctor and arranged to go to an affiliated health center about 10 miles from my home as it was a Saturday. Boyfriend wouldn’t take me as the movers were coming along with one of his siblings to move completely out of the house.

I drove myself to the center with a cold wet towel over my eye. Ended up I scratched my cornea pretty bad " most likely from all the crap flying up in my face cleaning his parents’ place. I called him to pick me up because the doctor said I couldn’t drive (now this was extremely painful and I had a patch over my eye) " he refused because it would cost more money if the movers had to stay longer " he suggested I take a cab. I am in pain, with little money in my purse, I managed to find a friend that was home that lived a good distance away, but she was kind enough to pick me up and drive me home.

So definitely a good test of a long term relationship is picking up and driving to medical procedures.

Sounds like your ex-boyfriend and my ex-husband are related. I sliced off the tip of a finger Christmas Eve, chopping parsley. It bled like mad. Ex told me to finish cooking dinner, not to drink the wine and then to take myself to the emergency room. I did it. During my time in the waiting room, the bleeding finally stopped. The next morning, the pipes froze. We almost went without Christmas dinner. I raise a toast of that wine to you for breaking up with your boyfriend. Getting the eyewash was a reasonable first step but he could have left his sibling with the movers and helped you.

Especially since I was injured helping him clean out his parents' house while they were frolicking in Europe.

I never did get a thanks from him or his parents for doing all that work.

No, it doesn't sound like they would be grateful.

If you feel that way, I suspect that you're with the wrong person. And maybe attaching too much to your way of doing things or what you prefer. For example, Alex is a slob and it doesn't bother him. He leaves his clothes in big piles all over the house, he doesn't wipe up messes and spills, he rarely vacuums, he has never cleaned a toilet and when he cooks, it's a disaster area.

I am pretty fussy about what I eat and where I live. I need it to be clean, tidy, and relatively clutter-free. I realize that it's my issue since I care about it, and since he doesn't, it's up to me to clean up after him without resentment. Which I do. If I didn't care about cleanliness or tidiness, it wouldn't be an issue for either of us, so since it's MY issue, I clean. I get a lot out of this relationship and a little cleaning is nothing compared to that. Especially since it's my problem. And I want to stay with him, so I make it a non-issue as like I said, I get a lot from him, so I'm happy.

See what I mean?