Oddities and Humor

NEWSWIRE: Man's Trainer Once Saw Rob Lowe At Gym
www.theonion.com
.

That's nothing ed. The sister-in-law of the husband of the Thursday night barmaid, she sometimes does other nights as a stand-in (geddit eh eh snarfsnarf), lives next door to a bloke whose grandad once saw Eddie, The Eagle, Edwards waiting at the traffic lights picking his nose.

Somebody talked me into going to a gym a very long time ago and when I got there all the chaps had a damp patch on the front of their shorts so I made an excuse and left.

Damp. Patch. Hmm.

Love it! A pair of boobs... lol

Verse I wrote as a joke a few years back

I love . . .

Old rubber ducks
Worn out firetrucks
And mucklucks
And I love a2k

I love
Folks who give me cash
Things don't give me rash
Skinnydipper splash
And I love a2k

I love
Beds no broken springs
Buffalo chicken wings
Dylan when he sings
And I love a2k

I love
Women when they smile
Cars get good miles
Clothes do't go out of style
And I love a2k

REDNECKS ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Redneck passed away and left his entire
Estate to his beloved widow . ....
But she can't touch it 'till she's 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How do you know when you're staying in a Redneck motel?
When you call the front desk and say,
" I gotta leak in my sink, and the clerk replies .........
"Go ahead."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum
Drinking age for Rednecks to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a Redneck murder:
1) The DNA is all the same
2) There are no dental records
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Who invented the toothbrush?
A Redneck!!
If it had been invented by anyone else,
It would have been a teeth brush
~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A new Redneck law was just recently passed
When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Did you hear that the Redneck Governor's
Mansion burned down?
'Yep... Prit'near took out the whole trailer park. The library
Was a total loss too. Both books went poof - Up in flames!
And the Governor hadn't even finished colorin' one of 'em.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A State Trooper pulls over a pickup on Highway 16
And says to the driver, 'Got any I.D.?'
The driver replies 'Bout wut?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love. . .

Ladies of a certain age,
Lightly used when in the cage,
In the night or in the day
When I'm not on A2K

I love. . .
Pints of frothy beer
Drinks all round, festive cheer.
Everything the barmaids say,
If I'm not on A2K.

I love. . .
Beds of fleecy down
Fields of grass freshly mown:
On both my head is fond to lay
Were I not on A2K

I love. . .
Sundays best of all
And days of rest in general.
And making up a roundelay
For folks who go on A2k.

By golly, I gave you a thumb skyward. A first.

Man reports his date as burglar when girlfriend shows


http://www.kansas.com/2011/10/26/2078584/man-reports-date-as-burglar-when.html

(at least he didn't shoot her)

A neat strategy, if it works. Otherwise - Not so much.

Our Brit missed this, edgar.



Prince Charles claims Vlad the Impaler as ancestor

LONDON (AP) ? The truth is out: Prince Charles is related to Vlad the Impaler.

The heir to the British throne says he is related to Vlad the Impaler, the cruel 15th-Century Romanian warlord who helped inspire Bram Stoker's 1897 vampire novel "Dracula."

He makes the comments on an upcoming TV show to promote his interest in protecting the forests of Romania's Transylvania region.

Charles says genealogy shows that he is related

Probably in his big toe.

I presume he means that a bit of impaling would be a good thing if only we would let him.

So long as he protects the forests, I can go along with him.

Invasion Of The Mind-Controlling Zombie Parasites : NPR
www.npr.org
A few months back, something terrible happened to millions of flies around Washington, D.C. They were attacked by a fungus that basically made them zombies, unable to control their behavior. and flies are far from the only vulnerable creatures out there...

I didn't miss it Letty. It's you not keeping up.

Deer Found Inside Massive Python (PHOTOS)
www.huffingtonpost.com
Officials in south Florida were in for a surprise last week when they cut open the belly of a 16-foot Burmese python they had captured and killed in the Everglades. Inside the reptile they found a 76-pound, fully intact deer, the Sun-Sentinel reports...