What is the optimum number of marriages for one life time?

Forums: Relationships, Marriage, Life Marriages, Do-Able Or Not
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A half serious question.
I heard it being discussed (humourously & tongue in cheek ) on ABC radio talkback yesterday.
Some callers made some interesting points.
And the answers varied enormously from person to person.
A number seemed to think that, that given we get to live so long these days, the expectation of staying in one marriage (or long-term relationship, if you're not the marrying kind) is a bit of a stretch. Maybe unachievable, even if you want it to be?

What do you say?

What's the ideal number, in your book?

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Type: Question • Score: 32 • Views: 6,393 • Replies: 88

Not sure about optimal, but I say if you have the desire, do it 'til you get it right! Laughing

I've been married twice. I say 3 times is the charm.

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I feel rather unqualified to comment with any real wisdom & authority on this intriguing question, but I will be fascinated to hear your responses! Wink

So, if you lived till say, about 85?

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@msolga,

Well, if I ever get married again AND live to 85, seriously? 3 times should do it. I want 25 more yrs to TRY and fulfill that goal.

Recalling who I was in my 20s & 30s was far different than I was in my 40s. Now that I'm 59, I'm yet again a diff person with different needs.

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@Ragman,

Quote:

3 times should do it.

Yeah, I thought that seemed a very reasonable sort of number, Ragman!

And after that, perhaps one might have had quite enough? Wink

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I hope I've made it clear that the wording of the thread title is not mine, I borrowed it from the ABC's morning presenter.

So you don't have to make some sort of authoritative declaration about how many is the "right" number ... you might just want to say whatever it is you want to say! Smile

Me, I genuinely marvel at folk who marry once & stay together for the whole of their adult lives! A lot (most?) of our parents did it. I wonder if it was because they were less selfish than us, or something... ?

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@msolga,

Quote:

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

http://www.divorcerate.org/

The answer is one.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

The answer is one.

You say that very firmly, hawkeye!

I wonder how many others will agree?

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@msolga,

if you accept the premise that a marriage that ends in divorce is not a successful marriage then there is no arguing the point. The more a person marries the more times they have failed, and the more likely it is that they will fail the next time. Granted, not everyone agrees that a marriage that is ended by one of the parties is a failure, but I think so, so my answer is unequivocal.

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Well, I hope it's more than one!

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@hawkeye10,

Fair enough, hawkeye, that's how you see things.

Others might well see things differently, of course. We don't have to agree.

There is also the "no marriage" option, which some folk might consider the best way to go! Never considered that one myself!

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@margo,

Quote:

Well, I hope it's more than one!

Why so?

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what would be really interesting would be if we deleted those whos previous marriage was ended by death. I assume that the second and third failure rates are even worse than indicated.

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@msolga,

I'll let you know when and if I get to 85. If I'm still around, I might go for a 4th if my wife passes before me. I gotta have someone to keep track of my keys and let me know if my jokes are funny.

seriously, no marriage is still a viable option too.

In our parents generation, divorce was not an acceptable option, unless something was drastically wrong. There was also less focus on individual happiness..there was more focus on doing your job, raising family and yes self sacrifice, too.

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@msolga,

msolga wrote:

Quote:
Well, I hope it's more than one!

Why so?

Well - I've had one - and that wasn't such a good idea.

Not sure I want to go again, though!

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Here's another way of looking at it: It could be argued that marriages (or long term commitments, or "entanglements" as I've come to call them .. Wink

) use up a helluva lot of our personal resources. So, if one was to venture into 3 or more (heaven forbid!) of such entanglements, one could have spent the whole of one's adult life dealing with the good & the bad that comes with the marriage package. Think about all the other things one could be doing with one's life!

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@msolga,

What and give up all the joys or marital bliss?

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@msolga,

OMG you are jaded.....everyone knows that when it works 1 + 1 = 3

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@Ragman,

Perhaps considerable number of those marriages now "in the past tense" didn't hold a lot of bliss for the participants? Wink

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@hawkeye10,

It is just a theory, hawkeye.
Which I developed in the past half hour! Wink

But, you know, there might actually be some merits?

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What is the optimum number of marriages for one life time?

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