What is the optimum number of marriages for one life time?

None!!! I am so not a marrying kind.

OK, gotta admit that is a good answer.

...but as I said in my first post (or long-term relationship, if you're not the marrying kind) ...

So it doesn't have to be married married.

Oh...sorry...I don't know then.

A few?

Any number you think, Deb.

One size does not fit all!

A baker's dozen?

So why do you say this? (That seems a lotta marriages in one lifetime to me! )

For anyone coming to this (very serious!) thread late in the piece, this is not a trick question.

There is no right answer.

It is just what you think.

How many times do you think you might do it?

I wondered whether Liz Taylor's most recent plans prompted this question. She obviously is more optimistic than I am because I say if I ever marry again, the most surprised person will be me.

However, today, people even speak of "starter" marriages but that sounds too . . . I am at loss for words . . . 'sorority sister,' 'dumb blonde' . . . anyway, that sounds like a word that I person I would cross the street to avoid would use.

Close to 40 years ago, I had a conversation with a group of people that included a man who proclaimed that he saw "serial monogamy as the wave of the future." As a naive 22 year old, still looking for love and believing in happily-ever-after, I literally thought he was evil. However, at some point, I realized that he was not evil. More to the point, I realized he was right.

As to marriage, well, I haven't even seen a single man my age that I want to have dinner with, let alone marry. I am in an organization consisting largely of people my age . . . no, it is not a senior citizen's group but a political group . . .and I found two men physically attractive (men do not age as nicely as women do . . . despite the old saw that men become distinguished with age).

I knew their politics were in the right place and that they were intelligent. Neither wears a wedding ring. So, I had hopes. We met Sunday and, at the beginning of the meeting, we introduced our selves. As it turns out, one is married and the other lives with a woman he called his partner.

Interesting post, POM.

I started out wanting just one marriage of a lifetime. Made the wrong choice in brides. But, my goal never changed, just morphed a bit. I found bride #2. We have been together over thirty years, with no thoughts about divorce. I am a needy person.

I heard a rumour Liz Taylor is getting married again. Maybe we should ask her opinion

I suspect she's not at all happy in between marriages, dp.

Maybe this next husband will be Mr Right?

Yes, I think quite a few of us did, edgar.

But, best laid plans & all that ....

There's an old saying "whether you decide to marry or stay single, you're making a mistake. Of the two options, marriage is the least unsatisfactory."

That being said, I'm happily in my second marriage, and have had several live in relationships before them.

I guess I consider the earlier relationships the equivalent of starter marriages, but this current one was the only one I really felt sure of.

I think a long marriage is certainly possible, even today -- shall I drag out my stats again? (The ones that show that the divorce rate for college graduates is something like 17% -- I'd have to find the numbers back before I swear to that though.)

At any rate, I'm certainly hoping for one marriage at this point -- we've been together for eighteen years so far, definitely had rough spots but as of right now a lifetime marriage seems possible and as of right now that's what I'd like. We'll see. (Feels jinxy to make any firm predictions.)

This is all so fascinating!

But then I'm such a sticky nose!

One last thought, or question really, before I head off to bed ...

At what point does one decide that the optimum point has already been reached & that it might be best to leave this heavy entanglement stuff alone ... & opt for serenity instead? What are the clues?
(No need to respond .. unless, of course, you have some special insight ... )

Why not opt for serenity at any point?

Many friends have finally met someone compatible once they "gave up" and settled into serenity -- others have settled into happy single serenity.

So long as you're not a recluse and have reasonable chances to socialize, I think serenity is the way to go pretty much no matter what your preferences are.

I definitely think "trying" is dangerous and draining. I've known far too many people who were desperate to get married, searched high and low (very low), found someone who finally seemed like a plausible marriage partner, jumped into marriage, and then lo and behold, problems arose once that point was passed.

Serenity is a much healthier starting point IMO. Where you're happy to be single, and it has to be a pretty amazing person to convince you to give that up.

In my family the magic number seems to be 2. All four of us had unsuccessful first marriages ending in divorce. Each of us then went on to successful 20+ year and counting second marriages. I think we were too young the first time around and married for the wrong reason (escape from my father, mostly). We were more mature and established in our own lives the second time around - something I think is important in successful marriages.