What is the optimum number of marriages for one life time?

@sozobe,

Dammit, now you're making me look up "Dr. Who"!

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I wouldn't put it on a number, MsOlga. The person you found bliss with
is the one who you stay with. Some are lucky and find it with their first husband, others found happiness with their second husband. Some need more trial
runs for the real thing, or never have the inclination to do it at all (marriage that is).

Our corporate attorney has had three short marriages before finding his absolute soulmate in his 4th wife whom he's married to for almost 30 years now

Every person has different life circumstances and different experiences,
therefore there is no optimum number of marriage for all, only an individual
decision.

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@CalamityJane,

Quote:

Every person has different life circumstances and different experiences,
therefore there is no optimum number of marriage for all, only an individual
decision.

there will always be individual variation, but statistics which prove the norm don't lie

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I have never specualted about marriage. I'm a bit of a loner. I have had a series of relationships, but none lasted more than 7 years. The average was probably 3 years. Lately I have been serenely single. But, I fear that as a single person, though I am happy, I am a little recluse and unchallenged.

Oh, and a number.....? Between 2 and 5 marriages.

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@Ragman,

She was. I once read that she is very loyal and supportive of her friends.

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@sozobe,

I think long marriages are possible as well. I work with a woman who went to college in her hometown, over the objections of her mother who wanted her to have the experience of going away. She met her husband there during her sophomore year and she still considers him her soul mate after 38 years of marriage.

My cousin married her high school sweetheart. They are now 56 and still in love.

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@plainoldme,

Quote:

I think long marriages are possible as well

What has become of us that this is even called into doubt?

I have 24 years so far, not always happy or fun but always rewarding and engaging.

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@hawkeye10,

I think life happened to us.

My ex signed my name to loan agreements as though he had power-of-attorney. A friend's second husband conducted an all out campaign to win her, then moved out after a year of marriage and asked for divorce as her mother was dying of cancer. I know good looking women whose husbands cheated on them . . . sometimes for years. I know an intelligent, handsome man whose homely wife left him for another man shortly after their second child was born. The revelation of the affair was painful to him.

You should consider yourself lucky. I consider the two women I wrote about in my earlier post lucky. I don't envy them because envy is futile. I wish I could have a marriage that worked. . . my marriage shrank my personality and turned me into a "fraidy cat."

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@msolga,

msolga wrote:

So why do you say this? (That seems a lotta marriages in one lifetime to me! )

My arbitrary answer is born from the my life long personal inexperience with the world of marriage.

Perhaps, I am speaking from a cynical and lofty position that I will never marry find myself married in the first place.

To be fair, there is no real answer to this question.

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Home tired after a hard day at work & now I'm reading ....

After all this input I feel the need to revise my own position. Not that I exactly had one before! Smile

:

How's this?:

Like quite a number of you, my first effort turned out to be a bit of a "trial run" ... not that that's what the intention was, but hey, that's what it turned out to be ...

So, after that, I'd say as many genuine attempts as one has the desire, fortitude & energy for. In my case each one would have to be totally monogamous because ... well just because. That's just me.

But after the failed first trial run, hopefully one makes more informed choices.

There are two contributing factors, though, which have the potential to turn one into a scaredy cat (as POM said).

* you never really know who exactly you're tangled up with till you live with them for a time. Seriously. No matter how well you thought you knew them before. There could (& have been!) nasty surprises down the track. These sorts of surprises can rather put one off contemplating further ventures.

* Secondly, the endings of marriages & long term relationships. They are never easy, always painful. No matter which partner instigates the ending & for what reason/s. They make you feel extremely crappy, anyway. So if you were thinking 4, possibly 5 marriages ... consider the impact 4, possibly 5 endings!!! Shocked

That is a very sobering thought, yes?

OK, that's my thinking at the moment. Consider this a rough draft! Wink

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@Ragman,

Ragman wrote:

Well said/written. The act of getting married shouldn't change the relationship, but alas, it seems to do just that and FAR too often. Some people feel trapped and at times can act like 'caged animals' when things go wrong. {If people would only have less children..but that's another rat-hole.}

Loyalty and 'proper committed couples behavior' is no guarantee just because a civil official or minister-priest-rabbi draws up a paper or performs a ceremony.

The behavior of masses around the contract of marriage has been changing for the last 40 or so years. For better or worse (in sickness and health), the effect of progress and social changes is far reaching - change such as more women in the work world (more independent financial security) effective birth control along with legalized abortion and greater social acceptance and respect for single women and single mothers. Perhaps divorce is far less of a stigma than ever, so multiple marriages seems to be a by-product?

oh nuts, I rambled off point...

Can the social result (of all these changes) be more multiple marriages depending on the stage of one's life? My guess is ... yes!

Yeah... I mean this appears to be what happens when people who maybe don't have enough foundation to their relationship get married. The minute the interest/lust wanes slightly it becomes a big cage.
I've never been married, but i've been in relationships I don't want to be in but have kept up to protect the other person, and I find the idea of being trapped like that really scary.

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@The Pentacle Queen,

what is the optimum number of marriages for larry king ?
seems that he doesn't know yet ...

http://www.thestar.com/entertainment/article/795511--cnn-s-larry-king-files-for-8th-divorce

Quote:

He has been married to seven different women, but this is his eighth divorce, because he remarried one of his former spouses and then divorced her again.

can't say that he isn't trying ...

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@hamburgboy,

Quote:

TMZ has learned Larry King does not have a prenup with estranged wife Shawn Southwick.

Sources tell us Larry -- who was married 7 times before tying the knot with Shawn -- did not demand a prenup. As one source close to the situation tells TMZ, "She is a tall, good-looking blonde and that pretty much explains it."

Larry's net worth is reportedly estimated at $144 million. He's in the middle of a CNN contract reportedly worth $56 million over 4 years.

In California, earnings accumulated during a marriage are split 50/50. Shawn and Larry have been married for nearly 13 years.

Ouch.

time to smarten up , larry !

of course , larry will still have a few shekels left in his wallet .

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@msolga,

msolga wrote:

A half serious question.
I heard it being discussed (humourously & tongue in cheek ) on ABC radio talkback yesterday.
Some callers made some interesting points.
And the answers varied enormously from person to person.
A number seemed to think that, that given we get to live so long these days, the expectation of staying in one marriage (or long-term relationship, if you're not the marrying kind) is a bit of a stretch. Maybe unachievable, even if you want it to be?

What do you say?

What's the ideal number, in your book?

O

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One thing we haven't brought up is, at what age does the first marriage occur?

I married when I was 35. Never really found anyone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with before that. I was quite happy living alone all those years.

My mother is on her fourth marriage; she married this last fella when she was 65, some 14 years ago. She seems happy with it.

I'd rather avoid all those divorces, myself... but her first marriage was when she was 18.

Oh, 13 years married myself, now, and really quite happy with it.

I'd give an 18-year-old's first marriage a much lower chance of success than a 30-year-old's first marriage.

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@BorisKitten,

Quote:

I'd give an 18-year-old's first marriage a much lower chance of success than a 30-year-old's first marriage

I suspect that you are a freak. I have found that people who are single that long tend to lose the ability to form 1/2 of a couple, they get set in their ways, and dont have the required intimate relationship skills. I am not talking about single as in no marriage license, I am speak in terms of being by themselves, playing at relationships for all of those years.

I would worry about anyone who has not had at least one major relationship lasting at least year by the time they are 25, preferably living together.

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Marriage doesn't interest me personally, so the number would be zero for me.

I have had several good relationships that start out well, with me telling the guy I am not marriage/baby material and him being delighted to start with, but as the years go by, the "assumed-expected" proposal comes and they are crushed when I say no. I would love to continue in a loving happy relationship just as we are, without the piece of paper, but I have been unlucky several times to have the guys change their minds and want marriage after all!

It's a shame because the relationship then falters and fails with the ensuing disagreements over marriage and how I must not love them enough (sigh!)

I am happy to hear of others getting married and sharing their lives in this special way, but it is just not for me and never will be. All those people who have told me I will change my mind, have stopped saying that, since I have said so since age 18 and I am now 45.

1 Reply

@edgarblythe,

edgarblythe wrote:

I started out wanting just one marriage of a lifetime. Made the wrong choice in brides. But, my goal never changed, just morphed a bit. I found bride #2. We have been together over thirty years, with no thoughts about divorce. I am a needy person.

Yup, I'll go along with Edgar here.

I got married really young, thinking this was my one and only marriage, but, unfortunately, it was not to be. It didn't last more than a couple of years.

I wish I had met my second wife first. We've been married now for 31 years.

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
http://www.divorcerate.org/

I went back and pulled up these statistics. Everyone dwells on the divorce rate...I find the inverse to be much more interesting. (Assuming the stats are true, but that's another discussion.)

59% of first marriages last.
40% of second marriages last.
27% of third marriages last.

So, I'd say that for the general population, the optimum number is 1.

"Optimum," however, is not necessarily practical. Or realistic. Particularly not on an individual basis. I'm on my second marriage now, but I wish I could've had just one. That would have been my ideal. (Just not THAT one!)

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@msolga,

That would be a good question for Z. Gabor or E. Taylor.

Now Gabor has a prince and I don't know if Taylor is endulging these days.

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What is the optimum number of marriages for one life time?

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