Boss Hitting on me?

I think i will send him a txt.. because then it will be in writing. Verbal convo is something that no one would ever know about.

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and yes this has all escalated.. from the very first interview when he asked me if I had a BF until this all is happening and it will only continue until just like someone on here said he has be backed into a corner!!!

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@ladyinpink,

He'll just write back that you are being overly sensitive and he has not done nothing wrong. He will claim you have misunderstood his actions. He will promise to be more careful in the future. In about a month he will either 1. fire you or 2. go back to his old nasty behavior. I hope he proves me wrong and he has an epiphany that inspires him to become a great boss.

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@Green Witch,

this is what I'm going to say:

" I'm osrry to txt you so late, but I have to say this. I am not mad at you and I have no idea what goes on in your life out side of the office but the comments and little things that are going on have to stop. You are my boss and you're married there are certain boundaries that should never be crossed or tempted..."

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Should I send that to him or not?

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You did not act as i suggested. i understand why you did not however i urge you to now act as suggested here.
http://able2know.org/topic/140108-2#post-3870421

have you documented with time and place all the incidents you can recall that you feel were inapropriate? If not do so immediatly. Time and date can be stated as For example "on or about the 26 march"

if you feel that this course of action is difficult or inappropriate you should look into the below service.
i advise against the text message. You need to assert yourself and your right to a harrasment free workplace.

Have you been the victim of sexual harassment by your supervisor or a manager? For a free, confidential discussion of your rights, e-mail us or call us toll-free at 1-866-443-1773. All matters are handled on a contingency basis, meaning you pay no attorneys fees until we win your case.

http://www.sexualharassmentlawgroup.com/PracticeAreas/Sexual-Harassment-by-Supervisor.asp

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@ladyinpink,

Why the text message is inappropriate.
the text is not specific enough.

Quote:

but the comments and little things that are going on have to stop.

I suggest inserting "comments about my bust size must stop"
"any further inapropriate touching will be considered sexual harrasment and i will not hesitate to seek advice."

I understand you are a young employee. I advise you to now seek support from a legal service or government agency. even if you do not proceed to actually filing a complaint the support and advice will stand you in good stead.
Pleae please do seek support. an internet forum is not the place to find high quality advice.

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if you live in America you are getting bad advice. Worker rights are now largely theoretical, they dont apply on the ground in real life. If you are young you dont have personal power, you are just another expendable entry level employee, and confronting this behaviour will cost you your job and a reference.

The only solution is to seek new employment. Depending upon my income and jop market potential I'd probably tell the boss off, but I would do it with the understanding that I would need to find a new place to work.

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@hawkeye10,

Quote:

if you live in America you are getting bad advice. Worker rights are now largely theoretical, they dont apply on the ground in real life. If you are young you dont have personal power, you are just another expendable entry level employee, and confronting this behaviour will cost you your job and a reference.

not true.

i work in a fairly large company with an HR department.
if anyone (including the CEO) pulled that kind of crap, they would be packing up their desk by the end of the day.

Quote:

The only solution is to seek new employment.

for ladypink, yes...

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The DO’s and DON’Ts of Sexual Harassment

Do

* Admit that a problem exists
* Tell the offender specifically what you find offensive
* Tell the offender that his or her behavior is bothering you
* Say specifically what you want or don’t want to happen, such as “please call me by my name not Honey,” or “please don’t tell that kind of joke in front of me.”

Don't

* Blame yourself for someone else’s behavior, unless it truly is inoffensive
* Choose to ignore the behavior, unless it is truly inoffensive
* Try to handle any severe or recurring harassment problem by yourself -- get help.

Failing to complain can be particularly harmful to your legal interests if you claim that harassment forced you to quit. It is hard to blame your employer for forcing you off the job if it could have corrected the conduct but was never given the opportunity to do so.

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@ladyinpink,

Sorry LadyP, I went to bed before seeing your last post. I hope you slept on it. I just don't feel it is going to have the impact you want it to. This guy likes the game and that fact that you don't is not a problem for him. Like I said earlier: you can collect evident and get a lawyer or leave. Either way, I suggest you let his wife know what he's been up to. Don't write her, call her after you have left the job. She will probably be grateful, if not, she's a fool and they deserve each other. Let us know how it turns out. We are on your side.

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@ladyinpink,

I completely agree that the text is a bad idea -- and hope that you slept on it, too.

I'm going to offer a revision of the text NOT because I think you should revise and send it but as an indication of the tone you should be going for. Don't apologize right off the bat. Don't talk about your feelings. Don't, as dadpad said, keep things vague.

Be cold, clinical, and specific -- as professional as possible. So for example:

"Hello. Your comments earlier today about my bust size were unacceptable."

That's it really. I started to say more but I wouldn't want you to make threats that you can't back up, and really I wouldn't advise making threats at all, just quietly doing what's necessary and going from there. (As in, speaking to a lawyer, or whatever.)

But, again, I don't suggest you do this in a text message. If you want it documented, do it via email. You can do both -- say it in person, then email if he continues. ("I am writing to reiterate my statement of yesterday afternoon that your [continuing] comments about my bust size are unacceptable.")

But ultimately I think your best bet in the circumstances you describe is to quickly, coldly, and clinically censure him right when he makes the comment. If you can afford a lawyer, get one. If you can't, try the immediate censure and if that doesn't work, look for a new job.

Good luck...

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@sozobe,

I Agree completely with sozobe.

The key is professional. An email sent during work hours without apology that lists specifics without emotion is the right way to go.

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ladyinpink wrote:

" I'm osrry to txt you so late, but I have to say this. I am not mad at you and I have no idea what goes on in your life out side of the office but the comments and little things that are going on have to stop. You are my boss and you're married there are certain boundaries that should never be crossed or tempted..."

ladyinpink, this message is so watered down it would serve no purpose.

First off, I wouldn't text either. But you've obviously made up your mind that is what you are going to do.

Your first 2 words...."I'm sorry" sets the tone for the entire message. Don't be sorry you're texting him late, he has been behaving badly for a long time, and is not sorry at all.

You ARE mad at him, whether you want to admit it or not. Let him know you're angry that he has made you feel uncomfortable. You haven't done anything wrong, HE has.

Comments and "little" things? Groping and making sexual comments are not little things. They are a major invasion of your person.

You don't need to remind him he's married, he knows it.

You said when you came back here that things have gotten worse, and it's not because you let them.

Yes you have let them. Get that clear in your head.

ladyinpink, 99% of the issue on your side of this is that you are trying to be "nice"

Being "nice" is what is getting you groped and humiliated.

You said it's "kind of a small law office"....well, is it a law office, or isn't it?

Is he a lawyer?

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People under 30 do everything by text, so I have a feeling that she's going to text him.

I suggest it be short and to the point:

Unless you stop making unwanted advances to me, I will tell your wife and report you to the HR (or other authority)

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Texting is a terrible idea. First, whatever you write, the very act of texting, after hours I assume, invites him into a new space in your life. I mean, texting usually occurs between friends, right? If you initiate communication this way, he will use the opportunity to harrass you on nights and weekends. He's likely to send you a picture of his awesome middle-aged balls.

Second, texting is a medium we associate with directive advice or the most straightfoward setiments, and so the context alone won't encourage him to take you seriously, let alone absorb the complexities of your position. And texting just isn't professional. Sad that that should count against you when the real issue is the infantile antics of your boss. But so it goes.

Of course, if it were really a problem--I mean totally unbearable-- you'd be saying to his face all this **** you're telling us.

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@sullyfish6,

sullyfish6 wrote:

People under 30 do everything by text, so I have a feeling that she's going to text him.

Ya think?

a bunch of people already told her it was a bad idea, and her response was basically "I think I'll text him, does this sound ok?" then gave a message that will more than likely arouse him even more.

she is hoping this will all go away by wishing it so.
unfortunately for her, this just ain't gonna happen.

Again, when a woman, even a very young one, doesn't stand up and do the right thing, she making it that much harder for other women today, and the women that will follow her.

That pisses me off quite frankly.

If she doesn't (and I'm betting she never will) say something outright to the boss, and the other guy, they are both going to do the same thing to more women, until someone shuts then down.

ladyinpink, be the hero, be brave, and smart.
Be scared, but do it anyway.
Do your part in making life better for others by putting this jerk out of commission.

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@Gargamel,

I also wouldn't bring his wife into it (as his wife is none of your business-- and irrelevant since his behavior would be inexcusable even if he were single).

This is a legal/professional issue.

First I would email (let me say again texting is a horrible idea) him a direct, unapologetic saying his behavior is unwanted and unacceptable. Email is professional, and it leaves a trail that will be understood by a judge.

If this didn't work, I would send a second email to his boss explaining the situation and that you find it unacceptable. I would attach the first email to the second email. (If there is no boss, I would go straight to step three).

If this didn't work, I would get a lawyer and/or contact the EEOC (where you can file a claim). At this point I would also be sending out resumes (if I wasn't anyway).

A legal/professional issue should be handled legally and professionally. Any other actions (like threatening his family life, or texting) only weakens your legal position. Given the absurdity of his actions, you probably have a strong legal case if your company doesn't handle this correctly.

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Quote:

Of course, if it were really a problem--I mean totally unbearable-- you'd be saying to his face all this **** you're telling us.

She's only @ twenty years old. Trust me, when some guy old enough to be your father starts making lewd advances towards you at that age it is very intimidating. Especially when that guy is also your employer. I agree she has to learn to stand up for herself, but if you haven't been in her high-heels you can't know how frightening it can be to talk back in these cases. Many young women are conditioned to be polite, suppress anger and not to make waves - and I think LadyP's text message indicates that was in her upbringing. The majority of women either find new employment or put up with the ****. Few wage war.

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@Green Witch,

Green Witch wrote:

Quote:
Of course, if it were really a problem--I mean totally unbearable-- you'd be saying to his face all this **** you're telling us.

She's only @ twenty years old. Trust me, when some guy old enough to be your father starts making lewd advances towards you at that age it is very intimidating. Especially when that guy is also your employer. I agree she has to learn to stand up for herself, but if you haven't been in her high-heels you can't know how frightening it can be to talk back in these cases. Many young women are conditioned to be polite, suppress anger and not to make waves - and I think LadyP's text message indicates that was in her upbringing. The majority of women either find new employment or put up with the ****. Few wage war.

Well, yeah actually, I have been in her high heels.

I know many women are conditioned to be polite, suppress anger and not make waves.

That's what got her in this mess.

More women should be encouraged, not to wage war, but to not even let a battle begin.

A person can be quite pleasant to all people with letting this type of behavior start.

Perhaps that is a tad unrealistic. At the least, a predatory boss, or any person of that ilk, should be made to realize halfway through their initial inappropriate statement that they have vastly underestimated their victim.

If they manage to get their entire filthy statement out of their mouths, you can "nicely" respond:

I am Absolutely Astonished that you think you can talk to me (look at me/touch me) that way. I'm not going to argue with you. You won't ever do that again.

Then walk away and let a new day begin.

If he fires you, good.
Sue his ass.

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