Boss Hitting on me?

@chai2,

Quote:

.
45 year old men can be led around by their dick.

Just you try it Evil or Very Mad

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@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

Many years ago a female coworker came behind me in a break room and pinched me in the butt. I turned around, and I must have had quite a look on my face, because she blanched. I think she was surprised that a many would be upset -- but I was.

I told her that if she did that again I would report it... then there was an awkward laugh-- but it was clear that I wasn't happy with the gesture.

There was a professional distance between us after that.

This reminds me of a story my husband told me once. He was standing a few rungs up on ladder picking pears when a woman walked by, reached up and squeezed his buttocks. She said "just checking if you're ripe". He was so shocked he didn't know what to say, but when he told me the story he said her actions made him feel dirty and violated. Women may have to deal with this more often, but it doesn't make it problem exclusive their gender. Invading another person's personal space or body without permission is rude and a sign of aggression. It should never be dismissed as harmless.

1 Reply

@Green Witch,

Quote:

Invading another person's personal space or body without permission is rude and a sign of aggression. It should never be dismissed as harmless.

Some women apparently think they can lead men around by their dick. Personally, I think people deserve respect no matter what gender they are.

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@ebrown p,

I guess it depends what the guy is into, but it's bad manners to assume you can just grab and go.

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@ebrown p,

Quote:

Personally, I think people deserve respect no matter what gender they are.

Absolutely. Harassment from either sex to either sex is an act of bullying.

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@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

I don 't remember that any woman ever put her hand on me, on-the-job.

That may be a large part of the reason why you think you would choose not to confront it, right there and then.

You haven't been groped, have someone stare at your crotch (like some men stare at a womans breasts or butt), or the hundred other little things that label a person as a piece of property.

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@Pemerson,

Pemerson wrote:

Gads, ladyinpink, get a grip! You could get some counseling, see why you are allowing this thing to happen. There must be some reason you think this is some kind of normal.

I don't think she needs counseling. I think it goes with the territory of being 20 years old and inexperienced with this sort of thing. I'm not saying she's an innocent, but she just has not been around that long to be as fed up as women usually get after a while.

In all likelihood, this is probably the first time a man, an older one, has made her feel this uncomfortable.

The older I get, the more I see myself and other women as a sisterhood.
We have to look out for each other, and give each other strength when it gets tough.

No more "but it wouldn't be nice to say something"

Nice is overrated.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Quote:

You haven't been groped, have someone stare at your crotch (like some men stare at a womans breasts or butt), or the hundred other little things that label a person as a piece of property.

First Chai, aren't you being a bit presumptous? How do you know what David has experienced?

Second, if someone "gropes" someone else in the US (it happens but is pretty rare these days), they will almost certainly be fired. If someone is stared at in an inappropriate way, they can report it and have it dealt with.

The laws are very strong in the US. This is a good thing.

Outside of being groped myself (as a man), I have seen very little sexual harassment in the workplace. I did have a male friend who was fired (justly in my opinion) for making an inappropriate comment about the clothing of a co-worker. And in my first job, I was a college intern in a mostly female workforce, the women talking about the butts of construction workers made me uncomfortable (but I dealt with it).

Chai, I guess it is your disrespect for men that bothers me. We aren't led around by our penises... and, for that matter, we probably aren't looking at your body in real life as much as we do in your fantasies.

1 Reply

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

OmSigDAVID wrote:

I don 't remember that any woman ever put her hand on me, on-the-job.

That may be a large part of the reason why you think you would choose not to confront it, right there and then.

You haven't been groped, have someone stare at your crotch (like some men stare at a womans breasts or butt),
or the hundred other little things that label a person as a piece of property.

I agree that males shoud not handle females.
I don 't see that its a 2 way street.
In my opinion, for the purposes that we r discussing,
it does not matter whether a woman does it or not; inconsequential.

As u point out: I have not experienced that.
If it had happened, I 'd have just silently walked away,
unless of course, I wanted to get more involved with her.

In the fullness of sincerity:
I don 't believe that anything that a woman coud do
woud make me feel like property.

David

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@ebrown p,

ebrown p wrote:

Quote:

You haven't been groped, have someone stare at your crotch (like some men stare at a womans breasts or butt), or the hundred other little things that label a person as a piece of property.

First Chai, aren't you being a bit presumptous? How do you know what David has experienced?

Second, if someone "gropes" someone else in the US (it happens but is pretty rare these days), they will almost certainly be fired. If someone is stared at in an inappropriate way, they can report it and have it dealt with.

The laws are very strong in the US. This is a good thing.

Maybe; maybe not. I remember reading a federal court case (I don 't remember which court)
wherein the court found liability against defendant for SMILING at one plaintiff
and also for NOT smiling at another plaintiff.

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@chai2,

Maybe not, she didn't say she was frightened by this man. Maybe she should be.
When I was 40-something I had a young friend about 26. She used to ask me questions about experiences she would have, not knowing what to do.

Once, she asked what she should do about a family situation where her husband's brother would touch her inappropriately at family get-togethers. (her husband didn't think he should do anything at all about his brother). I told her she would have to handle this thing herself, to say in a very loud voice what this guy was doing and remind him she was married to his brother.

Hey, she did just that, embarrassed the guy. Her husband just smiled at her and winked. It didn't happen again. Good for her!

The thing is this young woman lost her mom to cancer when she was 13, went out a bit on drugs and alcohol, got beat up by couple boyfriends, was raped by two guys who followed her home. So, you see, she was scared, probably would freeze and not be able to speak up. After that incident with her brother, she swung a little far in the other direction with extreme anger. But, that is what we have to do when we're weak in one area. Over compensating sometimes brings a balance. Very well I know.

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Things have gotten worse and it is not because I have let them... there was a man that came into the office and said something about my chest size ( which they are not big) and how nice they looked and ever since then my boss has openly approved of them as well and has mad it VERY obvious that he is looking at them....It makes me feel bad and I don't want to be treated like this, so I'm going to have to say something to him if he does this again on Monday! It's actually very shocking for him to be so out in the open about it. I wonder why he is even doing this???

1 Reply

Because he can -
and you didn't say anything to put him into his place (Fred, that's inappropriate talk and I will report you if it happens again)

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@ladyinpink,

Quote:

I wonder why he is even doing this???

He does it to feel power and sexually aroused. You have not slapped him down and he takes it as permission to continue his behavior. I'm sure he knows you're uncomfortable and that heightens the excitement. By being passive you are turning him on. The problem with this kind of behavior is if it is not stopped at the first sign it keeps escalating. Now you have learned that unfortunate lesson. You have three choices 1. Find a new job or 2. Gather evidence and get a good lawyer or 3. keep pretending he's going to stop until one day he corners you and physically makes good on his comments.

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I'm going to send him a txt message tonight and tell him exactly how I feel.. do you guys think that is wise? he is out of town and away from home so I feel that it is best to do it this way so that he wont be around his wife... and I can not say all this to his face

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@ladyinpink,

I'd say no, don't do that. Talk with HR. This is not my expertize. I never worked in a place with an hr department.

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@ladyinpink,

He already knows how you feel and a text message is not going to stop his behavior. He likes playing cat and mouse. It's gone on too long for him to suddenly behave. Once men like this get going it takes a lot more than a little note to get their attention and their cooperation. I think you missed our opportunity to take action weeks ago.

By the way, I think the other man that made a comment about your breasts is in on your boss's behavior. I'll put money on it that your boss told this guy he was going to get you in bed or over a desk.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

there is no HR dp... he is the head guy it's kind of like a small law office

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@ladyinpink,

Also, did you keep a record of his inappropriate actions? I know it was suggested. You might need it because he might fire you if you fight back on this issue and you would have to prove he was the problem in order to get unemployment.

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@ladyinpink,

This is a law office!! Oh god.

Have you looked for another job.

right now, it's your word against his, unless you have a witness.

Get out now - and develop a backbone for dealing with men.

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