I don't do funerals

I heard a while ago about some people stealing their friends coffin and making off with it because the funeral wasn't how the guy wanted it...

Second thoughts, that could have been a TV program... Either way, effective.

gosh knocks your cousins on the numb noggins

We had the opposite in my family. My grandmother (who I was quite fond of) was a very fundamentalist Christian. Most of my family are liberally religious (if religious at all).

At my grandmother's funeral, we were treated with a sermon about how our souls were in mortal danger due to our sin... and how we needed to repent and turn to Jesus to save our souls from the burning fires of Hell. This was followed by an altar call.

Some in my family were upset about this. But I wasn't....

This was exactly who my grandmother was and exactly what she would have wanted.

I didn't repent or turn to Jesus, but I did appreciate the experience as an appropriate expression of who my Grandmother was.

Well, they say funerals are for the living. A way to put their loved one to rest or send them on their way . . .

The "wishes" of the deceased may have been so contrary to their own beliefs that they just had to make it comfortable to themselves.

Tough call. An independent appointed executor may be the answer. Relatives usually get in fights at funerals, anyway.

Why are your cousins involving themselves in something that is your and your brother's right?

I went to my daughter's funeral, of course, and refused to go to another for over 25 years when the husband of a dear friend died... I realized then that funerals were for the living and I went for her sake. Since then, I go to all who concern me, mainly for the loved ones. It's also sometimes surprising the things you learn about the person (good things, I mean), at a service.

Personally, I don't give a shite what happens to me. I've told my daughter that I would like to just be incinerated with the rest of the bodies being incinerated (wherever that happens) but she was appalled. I have no idea and no care what they do when I'm gone. It's just a carcass. Well, I'll be just a carcass. So, she can do what she wants. But I can't think of anything more gruesome than having an urn full of somebody in my house.

I do, however, have some things of my grandson that I have kept.

What 's an alter call ?

When will this ceremony take place?

after he's dead - TBA

Oh, Dys.






There was a weird scenario with my aunt (no, not the 101 year old).
This was my mother's sister. I could say she never ever liked me and be right, but I think it was mostly distance and maybe some rays bouncing off my mother, her sister, first, and then... rays in defense of my mother.

They got together, for example, in the big bad late sixties, though they had snipped at each other for many decades. I was attacked by them as a pair for all that maryajuana (who me, I hadn't tried it yet). But my aunt "smelled it". How would she know? I did smoke regular cigarettes back then. My mother went to the pastor at St. Martin's (don't make me sneer, he was from another age) to explain that when I borrowed a hundred dollars just after I first moved out, that I borrowed it to get an abortion. (I've never done that, proven the hard way, although I stand by women's rights).

My aunt, one sunny afternoon, told me she willed me everything. And many sunny afternoons later. I said, let's use the silver to have a nice lunch. I was very anti using, back in the day.

After about the fifth? tenth? time, I said, well, let's write this down. And we did, it was a simple sentence on a blank white sheet of paper. Yes, I had called a boy friend attorney who told me about holographic wills.

One day when I went to visit, she wasn't there. Or the next day. Or the next. I started to think about getting the police.

The next morning the neighbor called me, said my aunt had died in the neighbor's mobile home in a valley to the north, and that she, the neighbor was the administrator of the estate.

To make a long story short, my aunt had told much against me, lets figure much made up in that flume with my mother, a fear thing, to the neighbor, and then, to me, I heard it all, against the neighbor.

It ended up a legal battle, as I challenged (sigh) the neighbor. The house is now a three story tacky condo and the family papers are owned by the neighbor's son. I got some money, not much, and no control, having to deal with bank administrators.

The whole irony is that my aunt hated lawyers.



But, to come around, the funeral for my aunt went to some cousins and the neighbor. I had no control.
They buried her in the wrong place, far away from the husband.

The cousins who well enough took that task up without talking to me are gone now.

Wow. I would think that it might depend on who the executors of the will are. Could it be that your cousins know you would not be attending any funeral and have taken it upon themselves to ensure that there is some memorial?

I am guessing that your cousins are somewhat religiious and the service is for them. I would hope that the cremation wishes are adhered to.

In any case, I think that the wishes of your parents should come into play.

Im aware dys doesn't want to hear about my or your stories, he wants to talk about his father: he is very angry. Please talk, Bob.

That is a colorful place to get scattered. The Rio Grande Bridge is a nice choice. Not any time soon, I hope.

That 's unfair; then he may be too lazy to assist with the cremation.

This is exactly what I was thinking! You're immediate family, after all!

What the heck?

Agreed, the Rio Grande Bridge is perfect, in theory.

Dys, the best way to honor your parents' wishes is to become involved with the arrangements when the time comes.

Dys' mother has alzheimer's and his father is long time problematic. If there was some easy answer, dys would have been on it, he has years of social welfare experience. He is suffering with all this, but not stupid.

Sorry to sound harsh, I don't mean it that way.

I think Dys should go to the funeral(s), if for no other reason than the opportunity to yell at the deceased one last, good time.

Thanks for the heads up, osso. Most of us know nothing. I'm sure dys is capable of asserting himself, should he so desire.

{{{{{dys}}}}

I shiver if people seem to think stuff has never occurred to dys.