@Phoenix32890,
even though Phoenix is a blue haired midget who drives a buick rivera I think I love her.
Hey Jodie
Long time no see.
I can hear that you are angry and frustrated here and the more you think on it, the more frustrating it becomes.
I'm not sure of the age of the kids (1st grade - I think that's little kids). I guess what I would say - when my kid was little we lived in California and my folks/family were back in the UK - therefore, they saw him maybe once or twice a year. When we moved back to the UK, we were about 4 hours from them and they would visit (usually when I was ill) - but other than the "holiday" periods - they didn't see my kids all the time - certainly we would never have been able to deliver them, even half way, down to Devon every month - it would have been a horrendous journey and keeping young kids happy in the car for that length of time - oof... it would not have happened. We dreaded the drive every few months - no sooner had we got there, got the car unpacked, then it would be time to go home.
Then I moved to Devon - 10 mins from the kids and it was regular as clockwork seeing the parents- but at that time in our life, it suited all concerned.
As the kids became older - they did see less of their grandparents - even tho they were still 10 mins away. Kids need their routines, especially little kids, (they also don't like being in the car for hours at time to go and stay somewhere where they didn't have their toys, beds and bits and pieces) and to up and move them once a month and transport/or half way - is quite a lot of time out of their weekend - I wouldn't think it's so much the getting to and from - but certainly the change in routine for the children may not be something that your son and DIL wish for. Also, kids have their little friends to play with, (nursery school, kindergarten, clubs, swimming, activity times), son and DIL must be very busy in their lives with work - so trying to keep a balance just within the immediate family can be such hard work, especially if they are trying to have family time too, and keep bedtime routines, eating patterns - all of that in place.
I know that it must be really hard not seeing the g-kids as much as you wish to - perhaps you could ask if during the summer months you could maybe have the kids for a week during the summer holidays / any holidays - son and DIL might like the chance to get away on their own for a while. I do believe it's quality of time with the kids, not quantity of time that matters.
Does son have a webcam? - maybe you could talk to the kids via webcam.
I know for sure, that Granny Scotland - who hasn't seen my kids for mmmmm... 3 years now - would love to be able to - she lives 9 hours away, can't accommodate us in Scotland easily and actually, the kids would not to know what to do with themselves if they went up there. It is difficult - there are all sorts of reasons as to why. I don't believe she takes it personally at all tho with regard to the children.
I do hear what you are saying and that you wish to see the g-kids - and whether it has anything or not to do with your son or DIL - I do think looking at it from the outside - that it could be simply just they have busy lives, routines and schedules.
It could be personal. Thing is, we all have to deal with that and just learn to live with it. I don't see my eldest son. He wants nothing in the world to do with me at all. That's hard - but this is his decision and I have to abide by it. He's only 16. He is happy enough in his life, these are his decisions and I'm still there if he decides to come back into my and his little brothers life. I think maybe you just have to let your son get on with living his life, with his family, and let him know that you are available and would like to spend time with them and the grandchildren when it's possible.
Oh, I will also say - I rarely see my parents these days - they still live a few minutes from me. They didn't do "wrong by me" and I wouldn't consider myself a "cold" person (maybe) - but as an adult I live my life more independently - I choose not to go across their house and don't allow them to come into my life everyday. That is my choice - not theirs - for many reasons. As far as the little fella goes - he is 12 and at school all day, homework at nite, sport, music, friends... he sees my parents sometimes - but it's not regular. Now, perhaps that's not the ideal - but it's the way it is, it's the way our lives have panned out to be and the way it suits our lifestyles. I know it upsets my parents because my Mom would certainly wish to see far more of him. Unfortunately tho, she has had to get used to not seeing him. So from that perspective, I could be perceived to being like your son - but the choices I make as a parent and a daughter - are exactly that, my choices. It's not intended to hurt anyone, it just is what it is. If the little fella asked to go to his grandparents - that is entirely different - and if it weren't convenient for them - that would be absolutely fine. Respecting the boundaries put in, for whatever reasons, is there.
I do hope that you can resolve these feelings you have - and hear differing opinions. We all have differing opinions because we all have different lives. I find it good, tho I don't always like what I hear, to try and take onboard advice given - or at the least, mull it over for a bit. If I then still disagree with it - poooph - it vanishes.
Wishing you well Jodie - and I really hope you can get some peace with this.
Take care.
Unfortunately you cannot change another person even your own child. Maybe they are really busy or maybe they are a bit selfish. However, the facts are they are his children so what they say goes (unless of course the children were being hurt in some which doesn’t at all sound like it). To be honest as hard as it may be on you, it looks like if you want to see the children, you need to go there and pick them up. It isn’t fair, but it seems like the only workable solution at least in the current situation.
As far as the Catholic Church school " like some one said earlier it could be just to get a better education, especially if there were not much other options as far as private schools. Catholic school tends to be less expensive than other private schools and it is definitely worth it for the smaller class sizes than public. When I was growing up many Protestant children went to the Catholic schools in my city " it was quite common. Also, we looked into this when sending our children " we were fortunate however, in that we found a Christian school nearby that was reasonably priced. I doubt it was meant as a slap in the face " more to have the children go to school for the small and better education.
