@engineer,
That all made sense to me, engineer, and since jodie says she isn't interfering in the ways I was wondering about, is probably much more likely than what I was getting at.
@vikorr,
I really think this subject has really been blown way out of proportion. It has never been that we haven't had a family relationship. We have always kept in touch by phone or seen each other. When did I ever say that there was not a relationship at all. I have to say he is a very busy at work plus he has outside activities. I am just wishing we could see each other more. Is there anything wrong with that? As parents, I do think they should think that it is important for their children to spend time with grandparents. If we met half way to get the grandchildren it would only be an hour and a half each way for both of us. They have never had a problem with us having the kids. We have been driving three hours to pick up the grandchildren because they think it takes too much time out of their schedule to meet us half way. So there we have it.
People can say what ever. As for my son he was a very strong willed child. A child like that is more difficut to deal with. You just do the best you can with a child like that. I guess the blame has to be the parent. Right !!
I have never bad mouthed them in anyway, infact I do think they are very good parents. Maybe I am wrong about the Catholic school deal. God knows, I have been wrong before. These are just my thoughts, I would never say anything aout this to my son or daughter in-law. It is their business what ever they choose to do. Believe me I am not a trouble maker.
@jodie34,
Hi Jodie,
Don't be too upset by the replies - most times it comes from people just trying to be helpful. It's very difficult to get a clear picture of what someone is originally asking about...the background, the causes, and the actuality...from a small openning paragragh. As you've noticed, you've had to expand when people have read something wrong, or read too much into something you said.
As examples :
Quote:We live three hours from each other
I thought you had to drive 3 hours each way to see your grandchildren
Quote:My son and my personality has always clashed .
My husband says he is a very cold individual. Why they don't invite , I think is really they don't want to be bothered
...but when we went there we were as much as told we weren't wanted.
These lead me to believe you have a strained relationship with your son.
...of course, we simply can't know the whole story, so just pick and choose the things that make sense to you and run with that
@ossobuco,
I do not think you should make a comment to engineer abut me when you do not know me personally. I think you should just mind your own business.
It is apparent from your responses on this thread that you are a difficult woman, even though you would deny being a difficult woman. You can't see anything wrong with yourself or your attitude. It doesn't take long to figure out why your son would want to distance himself from you. You reap what you sow.
@Debra Law,
This thread is a place to gossip. Instead of trying to help with a situation. I would not recommend this to anyone.
I do not pretend to be perfect .
@jodie34,
Jodie - on a number of threads here over the years, you have clarified and re-clarified your original posts as you felt those posts were misunderstood/minsinterpreted.
Does a similar thing happen in real life? Do you feel you often need to explain what you meant to say? Do you feel that you need to correct other people's understanding of your position/viewpoint?
I've often felt, on reading threads you've started, that you either have difficulty expressing things correctly - or that you feel like you need to modify your position in relation to the reactions you get.
If this pattern extends to real life, it makes it easier to understand why you seem to have the difficulties with family that you try to tell us about.
Jodie, over the course of your posts on this thread, I've seen your true personality come out.
What started out as a comment about not understanding why your son and DIL don't come to visit has turned into your telling people they are gossip mongers, don't understand you, and should mind their own business. All of this because they didn't automatically agree with how warm a mother you are and how your son is so cold, slaps you in the face figuratively by not raising HIS children the way YOU want him to, and by not, obviously, agreeing that monthly visits are desireable.
In order to get any sort of perspective on this, I'd have to know your son's version of this. I have a feeling it would be very different.
I have to wonder why your son doesn't want to visit, with or without his children.....oh yeah, because over the years you've let him know in a myriad of ways that you consider him cold, that he doesn't appreciate how you come to his home to clean and cook and whatever, ergo is ungrateful, that you disapprove of how he his raising his children, and take that as a personal insult. You don't have to "say" anything to him, he's known what you think of him since he was born.
The poster who said that she wouldn't want monthly visits from relatives got the response from you of "to each his own"....well, to your son and DIL, that's what they are saying to you.
One thing I've learned in life is that I don't have to understand everything, and just accept some things they way they are. Regardless of whether I like it or not.
I do have to insert my personal opinion, that you made your bed long ago regarding your son, and now he's telling you to lie in it.
From reading your posts, you come across as a very passive aggressive, fairly manipulative, martyr.
If your son was the way you'd like him to be, you'd be saying "I raised a warm loving child" the emphasis on the idea it was your doing.
Instead, you say "He's always been cold", the emphasis on the idea that was all his doing.
What impressions do the following revisions say?
"He has always been a warm loving child"
"I raised a cold child"
Whoa - did this get off track.
Here are some grandparents who want to spend time with their grandchildren and simply asked for ideas on how to do that.
Next, she is just expressing some concern about her grandchildren being schooled in a religious-based environment that is not of her faith.
Grandma, you must make more of an effort to see your grandchildren AND make sure that you are not an inconvenience to the family when you come to visit. That may mean staying at a hotel and treating the family to dinner and then taking the child with you for the week - then repeating the same thing on the return trip. Focus on the child.
While you have a right to be concerned PRIVATELY about the school situation, I am sure your son is doing what he thinks is the best step in providing the best education for his child. (I'd be concerned if it were a Muslim mosque school but it isn't) You can be accepting and encouraging to both your grandchild AND your son by respecting his decision. Maybe he needs some quiet support from you at this time. Smile and say, Good job son in raising your children.
@sullyfish6,
Quote:Whoa - did this get off track.
I agree.
This lashing of Jodie clearly has to do with something else other than this thread. She pissed some people off somewhere down the line.
@jodie34,
Huh? Huh, I was agreeing that the situation may have something to do with people having different personality types, as in 'introverted' and 'extroverted'. That would be no one's fault.
Your son seems not very engaged in dealing with you. This may be because your son is simply busy and needs quiet time, or has a cold cold heart, or because of the past interactions between you and him, which can be complicated to unravel and understand. We don't know.
Mind my own business? Why did you post the discussion?
@ossobuco,
I'll add that I remember the past threads, though I haven't reviewed them before posting on this one.
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
Quote:Whoa - did this get off track.
I agree.
This lashing of Jodie clearly has to do with something else other than this thread. She pissed some people off somewhere down the line.
Jodie's not being "lashed"
She never specifically asked how to get to spend more time with her grandchildren
she posted how cold her son was, and how she's been slapped in the face by him choosing to raise his children in a way that's different from how she would have.
As I said, there's no way to determine any of this unless we had the chance to hear another side of it.
I do know however, that when a mother let's her child know over the years that "I'm a warm person and you're a cold person" the child is not apt to want his mother around that much.
As always, I'm a firm believer that relationships are rarely that complicated. It simply involves one or both parties being willing to look at the truth.
@chai2,
This is what I mean by getting blown out of proportion. Not once have I ever told my son that he has a cold personality or made any comment about him choosing a Catholic school for his child. These are things me and my husband have talked about. Don't assume !!
@jodie34,
Quote:Sometimes I feel like I have a broken heart . My son has been a difficult child since he was small. Now he is married and has 2 children. We live three hours from each other . He and his wife use to meet us half way and we would take the kids and keep them for a week and when we got ready to return them they would once again meet us half way to take the kids back. Finally they told us it took too much out of their schedule to meet us half way and if we wanted to keep them we would have to come the three hours and pick them up and return them. The last time my son and his wife came to visit us was at a holiday in the Winter. I feel very hurt by this but if I say anything about it the response is they are too busy. The next hurt is we are a protestant family and that was also the way my son was raised and now he has decided to send his children to a catholic school because he thinks they would get a better education. I feel like this is a slap in the face. Does anyone have any suggestions? Am I wrong to feel this way?
Your original questions are:
1.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Yes. Several suggestions have been posted. I echo the poster who said that once per month visits may be too much, especially if the parents must meet you halfway each time.
2.
Am I wrong to feel this way? Feel what what? slapped i the face? How should we know. As you pointed out, we don't know you or your son. I would ask you to look at your relationship with your son and d-i-l for clues. Form what I've seen of your responses to posters on this thread, you may be taking it too personally.
@jodie34,
Jodie, you've asked for advice and received quite a bit. Only you can interpret it based on your situation, but please don't tell us to mind our own business and we are a bunch of gossips. You asked for our opinions by starting the thread.
@jodie34,
jodie34 wrote:
This is what I mean by getting blown out of proportion. Not once have I ever told my son that he has a cold personality or made any comment about him choosing a Catholic school for his child. These are things me and my husband have talked about. Don't assume !!
As I stated in a previous post...
You don't have to "say" anything to him, he's known what you think of him since he was born.
Do you honestly think just because you've never said the words "you have a cold personality" he doesn't know how you feel about him?
Face it jodie, it doesn't sound like your son wants to have much to do with you, and doesn't want his kids around you that much.
Otherwise, you'd be more involved in their lives, and you'd be visiting regularly.
I predict the next thing you'll say is that it's all his wife's fault.
@chai2,
Quote:Face it jodie, it doesn't sound like your son wants to have much to do with you, and doesn't want his kids around you that much.
this is directly contradicted by the fact that Grandma can have the kids alone for weeks at a time, if she would only do all of the work.
@hawkeye10,
hawkeye10 wrote:
Quote:Face it jodie, it doesn't sound like your son wants to have much to do with you, and doesn't want his kids around you that much.
this is directly contradicted by the fact that Grandma can have the kids alone for weeks at a time, if she would only do all of the work.
Life is tough from the perspective of the Little Red Hen.
