Sorry it's been so long. I feel like I vomited on you all and then left without cleaning up. LOL
A lot has happened since I last posted. My stepdad took a turn for the worse in late Sept and passed away in October. I didn't feel like talking about it for a while. I learned a lot about life taking care of him and I'm grateful for the memories we had. I learned the true meaning of living one day at a time and trying to make the most of each day. Little things became big celebrations for us, like when my Mom's roses bloomed in the backyard.
I'm feeling better emotionally about everything. I'm at peace with all that happened and I'm grateful I could be there for my stepdad in his final months. I'm grateful my Mom knew how much I loved her and I'm grateful for the relationship we had. I know how much she loved me and that love is still here for me. I'm especially grateful to have a Mom who taught me that I deserve the best and to treat myself well. I'm trying to do that now. I pamper myself when I can and I try not to have negative thoughts about myself. I'm easier on myself now. I'm ready and open to have some happiness come into my life.
I did see a new counselor for a little while after my stepdad died, I can't honestly say it helped but I'm not sorry I went either. It's part of learning to reach out and ask for help, which is a necessarily part in recovering from grief. I think the biggest help for me was reaching out to a few friends who I have grown to trust completely. I opened myself up and made myself vulnerable in a way I would have never done before all this happened. What they gave back to me was unconditional love and support.
I've also found that being physically productive in some way leads to more positive thoughts. When I spend too much time thinking that's usually a sign to me that I need to do more physically. I can usually get out of a "bad place" in my head if I start doing things, even something like weeding the yard or any type of chore. I also have received a couple signs from my Mom (at least I think
they were signs) and that made me feel so much better!
I started working again part-time, although I'm probably going to get into a new type of career once I research things more. My parents left me financially stable so I don't have to rush into anything yet I also don't want to waste any money, I want to be smart with it. Now is the time for me to create some new and positive change, so I'm thinking about all the things I really love to do and coming up with a new career plan.
I also recently started having feelings for a wonderful man who was really there for me during all of this. He has so much patience it's amazing. He's pretty much the most supportive man I've ever met. I'm taking things VERY slow with him though and mainly we're still in the friend stage. I don't know what will happen in the future with him or if it will be any type of romance or relationship. But he was definitely a source of strength for me the past few months.
Now to the important part (lol)....about the suncatcher...IT NEVER CAME!!!
I contacted the company and he apologized, he said they moved locations and somehow didn't have any in stock anymore. So I never got it. This just proves that in life, sometimes you don't get what you wanted, but you get what you need.
(((hugs to all)))