How do I overcome the loss of my Mom when I was already in a depression?

Screw it. I decided to still post here if I feel like it. Maybe the thread was helping me, and even if it wasn't, maybe it's helping someone else. I guess I freaked out because someone emailed me and knew my name. Then I was kind of offended by the way the mod here responded to me (have a heart geez!) But I've decided not to care. My name is Renee. I don't have anything to hide. I guess I was just being paranoid. There are millions of people with my name so who cares. Maybe they found it from another site since I've been posting on a few. I don't recall ever posting it though but anyway, who cares. It's just a name. No one can hurt me. If they do, I'll hurt them back.

Anyway, it's been a bad few days. I will check in with you all later.

Hey SoCal

We're here if you wanna talk...

take care, be gentle with yourself

Iz & JPB

Thank you. Is there a thread where you posted pics of your get-together? I think that's really nice that you met in person. It's great that the site brought people together like that. Have you done that before?

I just got back from a 6 hour drive. I went back to where I used to live. It was nice seeing my old town. It feels like I haven't been there in years but it's only been weeks. I got my mail at the post office and one of my online friends mailed me a package, which I thought was so sweet. I guess it's true that now-a-days people meet their friends more online than in person. It makes sense though since it opens up the amount of people you can come across.

Anyway, a couple people asked me in messages about the suncatcher. No I didn't order it. I have some sort of mental block about it. It's crazy, I have no idea why. I'm overreacting I guess. I will order it soon. (I think.)

Now I guess I have to go to sleep. Arggh! I hate sleep.

I hope you're having fun.

Okay, and I'm sure you've heard this about a billion times, but I couldn't resist:


PS Don't worry, the video starts slow - go to about 20 seconds into it and the music will start.

lol

I always loved that song. My parents used to play it.

They should do a new version dedicated to me, but instead of "Walk Away Renee" it should be "Run Far Away Very Quickly Renee"

Now THAT'S the spirit!

lol

I was meaning to update people who messaged me privately but then I decided to just post it. You're all so sweet to care about me, a complete stranger. So basically, I'm supposed to see 2 different counselors this week. One is an actual doctor and one is someone through hospice. I'm also still doing the grief share meetings through the church. (On a side note, I think it's great that a person can call any hospice and get free grief counseling. That's a nice service they give the community.) So if either one of them works out or makes a difference, I will post it so that maybe anyone else in this situation will know. Basically I am doing much better, but I still have the same problems in the morning. That's been my stumbling block. And I still have to see a doctor about the physical stuff. I'll get there, I'm just taking things one at a time. I started fantasizing about moving back east for maybe a year at some point, so that's been giving me something to get a little excited about.

One day, one "thing", one emotion at a time sounds perfectly right. Plans for the future sound promising too. I'm glad you're taking first steps and making positive choices for your own well being.

The appointment with the doctor had to be canceled. It's a little strange how any time I try reaching out, the appointment gets cancelled somehow. I'm wondering if that's a sign for me not to go to individual counseling.

Hey Socal

Go with what you feel comfortable with hun - don't force yourself if you don't feel right about it at the moment. Counselling is a way to open up and talk - if you feel for whatever reason it's not quite right at the ext apppointment scheduled - then make a call then.

Still listening - still here. Keep yer chin up girl. You are doing well under the circumstances. Hugs. x

Thank you Izzie and JPB. (P.S. I loved seeing your pics.)

Today I had the meeting with the hospice counselor. She was very nice. The building was very professional and corporate. I was surprised because I always think of hospice as a sad thing, so I expected some depressing place.

Anyway, she did a depression verses grief assessment on me. She said she doesn't feel I'm clinically depressed. She said she normally doesn't tell people this but she can tell who will need a lot of help and who will be okay eventually, and she said she can tell I will be okay. She offered to either meet with me every other week for a couple months individually or to have me attend a grief support group she runs. Although she did say it's better to wait a couple months after the death to attend a support group.

Also, BorisKitten, she said what you have been saying about you have to go "through grief" because there's no way around it.

So bottom line is I think everyone should know that if you're grieving, you can call a hospice company, (some are national and have offices in most cities), and they will give you free counseling, even if your loved one wasn't in hospice. I think it's great that they do that.

As far as the appointment that was canceled yesterday, I think I'll hold off on that and see if my mornings are still as bad in a few months, then I might see him. But for now I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

The counselor said that it's never "time heals all wounds"...it's what you do with that time that can help you eventually adjust. So my plan is that I'm going to try and spoil myself like my Mom did. I will do fun things that I normally wouldn't do like doing a spa day with massages and stuff like that. I will try to be good to myself, but also just let myself feel bad when I feel bad. I will give myself all the unconditional love my Mom gave to me, so anytime I think of something negative, I will tell myself something positive like she did.

Oh and I just ordered the suncatcher.

<smiles>

It sounds like meeting with the hospice counselor was just what you needed.

baby steps, socal. They'll eventually get you moving down the path.

Oh - there you are SoCal.

Can hear a change in your voice. It's gonna be a day at a time for many days, weeks, months - some good, some will feel horrible. You will get thru them.

There are times when it may all seem so dark and it's not possible to find a positive when the negatives seem to be weighing heavily. Sometimes, you have to sit back and think hard to find something "good", no matter how silly that sounds - we all know there are many good things to be grateful for and blah blah blah - but trying to balance them and the "nasties" - well, it's not so easy when you have a mindset that won't co-operate.

I'm a few years on from the real tough times as they were - know I've got a couple more headed my way that are starting to nip at the ankles, prolly sooner rather than later <ho hum> - the difference is now - I see so many positive things in life now that I never considered before and even when things are just totally pants - I put on my clinical head and stand back for a while - living in lalaland 'til it passes on by. I just seem to look at things differently and that all consuming blackness that used to surround - it's just a mist now. It's taken a looooooooooooong time tho gal and I know I'm not clear - but the good times do roll.

So glad to see you around - and so so pleased you ordered the suncatcher. When I was in Missouri I got me a prize - some blue wind chimes that sing in the wind - they are very delicate and make the sweetest song - simple pleasures - but they carry me far. Hoping your suncatcher will carry you far too.

Talk as and when hun - and play some of the games as you are doing. Dutchy is the grand gamesmaster and there are some lovely folk on the "trivia" threads (we sit around there a lot) - they are good kind peeps - so have a little fun and distract your time when you can.

Gentle hugs to you - so very glad to see you still here. x

You are doing so very well! Sending big hugs to you.

I never knew that about the hospice counseling.

A bit of self-spoiling is a great plan; I'm glad you ordered the suncatcher too. Smart woman, you!

^ Hugs to all three of you. You're like the mighty three. You're so supportive.

Just wanted to say I made appointments with a heart doctor for my palpitations and a regular doctor just because I don't even have a regular doctor. I'm sure my palpitations are anxiety and not anything too harmful, but I decided to see the doctor anyway. I have been thinking all along who cares if something happens to me because the worst thing that could have happened was my Mom dying. Then I remembered how much worse it would be if I somehow became disabled and couldn't take care of myself. So I'm going to start looking after my health more (even though I still hate doctors ) My Mom always got after me about never going to the doctor so I'm sure she's glad I'm going.

Have a great weekend.

Hey SoCal

oooooh.... will be back in a bit - just wanted to say a quick "hey"

<gotta go and feed a little fella but will then be back >

k - so, there's a lot of people who would care if something happened to you - believe me!

yep - if you don't take care of yourself (oh, I'm one to speak ahem) then you may get to a point where you are being the "looked after". ACK. Truly, that's a horrible feeling and is more of a disability that the disability itself (if you see what I mean)

so....... GOOD ON YOU GAL for getting those appointments sorted. Are you going soon? Knowing that you are likely to distrust the doctors - perhaps you could make a list of the questions you need to ask and let them know that you find it difficult talking to a doc. If you have your questions ahead of time - then you can put your own "clinical" head on when you get there, ask the questions, write down the answers and then deal with it when you get into your safety zone. I would encourage you to try not to look at all doctors being the same - but I understand that may be very hard to do right now. Is there anyone who could go with you (can a trusted friend come over to your part of the world to accompany you) or would you feel more comfortable going on your own.

I reckon your Mom would be glad you are going too.

Did the suncatcher arrive?

Take care ((SoCal)) and ... 'tis good to see you girlie

Hi Izzie,

One appointment is tomorrow and the other one is next month.

Yes, I know what you mean about being "looked after" being worse than the disability itself. I feel like I'm all I have now so I really need to be proactive. I have family but I wouldn't want anyone but my Mom to take care of me. It wouldn't feel right.

It's funny because for the first time in my life, I understand why people feel more secure being married than single. You have that person who you are supposed to walk through life with and take care of each other no matter what happens. I get it now! I used to imagine that marriage was like living in a hell hole, but now I get it! lol

The suncatcher isn't here yet. I think they said it takes 4 weeks. I can't wait

So Gal SoCal - how'd it go at the docs? You doin' OK?

x

Hi Izzie,

Yeah, I'm doing okay (although I'm sick of cooking and cleaning! Remind me never to have my own family. )

I didn't hear anything yet from the doc. I have another appointment next month, that's the heart doctor so he's the one I'm more curious about.

So for now, I'm just trotting along.....

How are you? Did you recover from the traveling?