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My sons father doesnt have to pay child support!

 
 
Reply Sat 23 May, 2009 10:43 am
My sons father is now in prison and prior of that in and out of jail he was no where around or even helped me out with our son. When i went to court yesterday they told me he owes only $721.50 dollars. The reason for that is when they are incarcerated he does not owe child support or even have to pay it to me. So they only charge him for when he was out for 3 months.The judge placed his name on my sons birth certificate(dna test proved he his the father) i know he is his father but there is no responsility on his part. My son is almost 3 and that is all he owes it pisses me of because he is off the hook till october 2015. He is in prison with room and board. Money being put on his books all the time. He doesnt even work in there.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 4 • Views: 6,662 • Replies: 82
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Mame
 
  -1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2009 11:15 am
Sorry to say this, but you picked the bum. Did you expect him to ever pay child support, given that he is an habitual criminal? Really, what did you expect?

Sorry I'm not too sympathetic - I mean, I am. You deserve child support. But we all make our own bed in life and you made yours. The sorriest thing is about your child .
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2009 01:37 pm
I've gotta go with mame here. While I can truly appreciate your anger, your best bet is to accept your poor judgement in choosing a partner and not spend alot of time being mad at the judge or anyone else. When you lay down with dogs...and I'm sure you know the rest.
And don't beat yourself up either. Just move on sister. Move on.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2009 06:58 pm
@stephinator143,
What if the judge had said he owes you $10 million? Do you think you would have gotten a cent more than what you have so far? You're trying to squeeze blood from a rock here.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Sat 23 May, 2009 09:45 pm
One MAJOR problem with getting child support: you and your son would have to be in contact with him all the time. It's not worth the money. Count your blessings and consider yourself well rid of him.
0 Replies
 
Wilso
 
  -1  
Reply Sun 24 May, 2009 12:18 am
You were probably attracted to the "bad boy", while decent blokes probably didn't get a look in. I feel for your child, but as for you, all I can say is tough ****. Learn to live with it.
miranda4
 
  2  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 04:11 pm
@Wilso,
Hi all.
I see what you're saying here but just because he was a bum before does that really make it alright for him to leave all the responsibility to the mother. At least she's not in prison too. It's a shame they can't make him pay something whilst he's locked away or owe more once he gets out to make up for it. As usual the mother is left holding the baby while the dad is at play. I agree it shouldn't be from the tax payers pocket but it should come from him and some kind of responsibility should be pushed onto him. 2015 is a long time.
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 04:39 pm
@miranda4,
Miranda, that's why there is birth control, so mishaps like these can be
prevented - provided one uses them, of course!
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 04:51 pm
This is not a personal problem, it is a systemic problem. When we lock people away we very often hurt their kids, this is especially true with the increasing number of women who are getting slammed with drug charges. It is reason #291 why this fool hearty "war on drugs" must be ended.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 07:02 pm
@hawkeye10,
"Fool hearty"?? Why is it "foolhardy"? You saying people should be allowed to get all drugged up and parent their kids and that's not foolhardy?
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 07:27 pm
@Mame,
yep, I messed up spell check....

I am saying, as I have consistently said for years, that the criminal justice system is not the proper venue to deal with the passions that the majority do not approve of. Most of the sex and drug "crimes" should never be in the court and punishment system, and what we call "hate crime" should not be addressed in any way except for any actual crimes that are committed. People should be able to do/say/think what they want so long as doing so is not a gross violation of somebodies else's freedoms of self determination and right to well being. When people are deemed to have unhealthy appetites then this alleged problem is properly dealt with the the public health arena. Child welfare agencies are part of the public health system, they need to be part of the program. Letting these kids of parents who get caught up in drug "crimes" fall until they hit poverty and thus the welfare system (sorry, in Orwellian fashion it is now called the "Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity " system) is the worst way possible to look after these kids other than to lock them up with their parents (as has been done in the past). We should be better than this...
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 07:55 pm
@miranda4,
If the mother is a fool that is what happen. It is her job to pick a good mate that is at least somewhat likely to be around for the rearing of the children.

It is not the society job to completely protect her from her own lack of judgment on who should father her children.

She had two children by this loser and that is her fault and the only sad thing is her children are also paying the price for her poor pick of mates.
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 08:05 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
If the mother is a fool that is what happen


Women need to pick their men well, this is true, and I agree that we don't want to insulate women from the results of their mistakes. However, in this case the society is undercutting the women very harshly, and it must be remembered that the kids are completely innocent. Letting the kids rot because we don't like what their parents have done is not a civilized response.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 08:18 pm
@hawkeye10,
The kids are the indeed innocent victims of her poor judgment in more ways then the society could correct.

No role model of what a father should be or how to be a father when it come the turn of her two sons to father children.

Her whining about the results of something that is her own fault as in she pick the man is sicking.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 08:30 pm
@miranda4,
Oh it might had been wise of her also to married the man and have him prove himself by setting up a household and supporting it for a few years before adding children to the mixed.

IE no need to have a DNA test done and no danger of finding out he is a complete bum after the fact of children.

Two children out of wedlock by a bum and she is whining at how unfair it is that he is a bum in jail!
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 08:41 pm
@BillRM,
Quote:
Her whining about the results of something that is her own fault as in she pick the man is sicking


I don't hear that, I hear "because of society's rules, I can't provide for my kids". We are not responsible for what our mates do, nor for how society reacts to what our mates do, you make too much of "picking well". What you call a pick contains significance amounts of luck, an makes an individual responsible for stuff that they do not do nor can do anything about. If you want to hold an individual responsible then they must have control of the situation, otherwise you are only practicing retribution..

If you cared you would want a system where as much as possible the kids don't get hurt, and this woman would have to opportunity to learn from her mistakes and reform her behaviour. We all make mistakes, the smart people learn from their mistakes. This idea that no mistake should be made and that if they are "**** you" is barbaric.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 25 May, 2009 09:13 pm
@hawkeye10,
Luck in picking a mate?

Well there is some element of chance in anything however the fact is she pick a bum who she was not married to and who relationship with was such she needed to get a DNA test to know for sure who the father was.

She pick a long odd game to start with.
miranda4
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2009 08:44 am
@BillRM,
Well, I agree I think the problem is more to do with the system and it is the child that suffers. I think the mother is annoyed that he isn't helping and I don't believe that because he is locked away and is a bum that he should duck out of it all financially. There needs to be a better system put in place.

As for finding an ideal mate? Realising that he was a bum in the first place and therefore keeping away from him, well yes I can agree. There are some men that you think fine, he's not an ideal mate, I'll keep away. However you don't know this guy. There are plenty of men out there who look ideal on the outside, have great jobs, promise you the world, wear a suit (if we're gonna stereotype what does and doesn't look like a bum). Yet after a certain length of time habitually abuse and hurt their other half. And these men surprise surprise can still end up in jail. No matter how much you plan things in life it can all go wrong in the blink of an eye that is the risk you take. Whether she chose a bum or not isn't my point, it's the system. The way he can hide from his responsibilities.

I've heard of some guys deliberately getting themselves into trouble with the police because they want to go back inside, run away from their problems. That's not right either for the state and the costs.

I'm trying to delve deeper into the bigger picture.
0 Replies
 
Wilso
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2009 10:42 am
In my experience, these women often go for bums who are obvious losers to start with. I've seen it so many times.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Tue 26 May, 2009 03:04 pm
@hawkeye10,
I don't think she's whining, either, but she DID pick the guy and expected him to cough up as a dad. She had him tested to see if he was the dad - what does that tell you? This whole thing is rather unsavoury. His entire family is in and out of jail, himself included. What was her first clue that he wasn't going to pony up?

My only point was what did she really expect? She didn't say whether they had a relationship - my guess is not much of one, if at all, because she had to get him tested to prove it, implying he didn't believe the child was his and didn't want the responsibility. So, as far as I'm concerned, they're all in the same boat. You know that old saw - If you lay down with lions...

And as for the system, it's so far from perfect, where does one start? The whole thing is flawed.
 

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