Rest in peace, Mom

Forums: Relationships, Death, Death Of A Parent, Family, Mourning
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I've got sad news to tell. My mom died on 3/7. She was 79 and had been in poor health for years, but rapidly failing health the last few weeks of her life. I wouldn't have wanted her to go on like that. I'm glad that my sister and I went to visit her the weekend before she died.

We had a Life Celebration for her last weekend at the retirement community where she lived the last 9 years. It was lovely. People who knew her from different facets of her life over the past 40 years got up to speak about her, some telling stories I'd never heard.

Going through her belongings wasn't as hard as people seem to think it should be, but that's probably because I'm not very sentimental about objects. My siblings kept trying to talk me into taking things and I took a few, but it's just stuff, you know?

I'm mostly ok, but I've been staying away from a2k because I didn't want to write this down. I considered sneaking it in on one of my regular threads, but it just didn't seem right.

I know many of you have gone through this. Any words of wisdom?

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@mac11,

Oh mac, I'm sorry to hear this.
I'm sending a big, comforting hug your way, from me to you.

I do wish I had words of wisdom, but really, I don't. It just takes time to get over something like the death of a parent, that's all. When my father died, quite a few years ago now, there'd be times I'd think I was functioning really well, considering .... but it didn't take much to bring the grief to the surface again & often I'd be left feeling very vulnerable, weepy & lost. On & off, on & off, on & off ...
So the only "advice" I can give is to be very gentle & considerate of yourself for a time. Don't take on too much extra stuff you really don't have to take on. Because you are very fragile at a time like this. Just let yourself grieve when you need to grieve. It's very painful, I know.

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@mac11,

No wisdom. It's always a shock, no matter how much we know it's coming, isn't it?

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@mac11,

I'm sorry, Mac.
And I'm glad about you and your sister seeing her, and about the Life Celebration.

No wisdom, but as years pass, I appreciate my mother more, and the sweetesses rise to the top of my memories.

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@mac11,

Awwww....take care of yourself, mac. It's a tough time. I'll be thinking of you.

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My sincere condolences; alas I've had both parents leave this world.

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You have my sympathies, mac.

No words of wisdom. I think we each have to deal with this in our own way.

I will offer one suggestion. Be especially kind to yourself.

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@mac11,

So very sorry Mac. So sorry. Be gentle with yourself - theres no right or wrong way to grieve - no time limits - only your way. The Life Celebration sounds lovely. Take care Mac. x

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@mac11,

Big hug from me, mac!

I don't have words of wisdom at all. I suppose, everyone finds her/his way.

(Personally, I went through all this when my father was severe ill: his death years later didn't come unprepared later. And now it's my mother [what is a lot harder, since I see her everyday].)

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@mac11,

so sorry to hear, mac.

all things considered, it sounds like you and your sister handled it very well.

we have yet to experience the loss of a parent, but surely will in the foreseeable future...

and contrary to what some have said, there are words of wisdom in the above replies...

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I am very sorry to hear about your mother, mac. The Life Celebration was an excellent thing to do.

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I, too, am sorry to hear about your mother, mac. Try not to take on too much extra work/responsibility just now. Sometimes we think keeping busy will take our mind off things but you have had a shock and I would agree with other posters that you need to be kind to yourself and not push yourself too hard.
The Life Celebration sounds like a lovely idea.

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@mac11,

Oh, I'm so sorry, mac. I said "Oh no" out loud when I saw this thread title (and who it was by). Big hugs.

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My sincere condolences, mac. No words of wisdom here. Everyone grieves in their own way. Just make sure that you do things your way. And in your own time.

There's not a day that goes by when I don't think about my mother and father and my brother. They're with me all the time and usually that's a good thing but every now and again I will remember what my mother went through especially, both physically and mentally, and I still grieve after almost eight years. It's useless I know. She's probably watching me and rolling her eyes at such "foolishness". Smile

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So sorry. Very graceful and wise, the way you have handled it all. My condolences.

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@mac11,

Sorry to hear about your mom, mac. I think that the Life Celebration is a wonderful idea. The fact that you learned things about your mom that you didn't know before really made it worthwhile for you.

It is always difficult when someone who has been a major part of our lives die. At that point, everything changes for us. Just be good to yourself, and remember all the great little things that went on between you and your mother.

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Mac, I wish you peace when you can get it. Sorry to hear of your news.

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@mac11,

Sincere condolences for your loss, mac.

I understand how you feel about "stuff". I too kept only a couple small mementos from my mom when she passed away. Over time they have become very special but they are still "things". Sometimes holding one of the items lets me feel a connection to her, but the connection is there regardless.

The loss you're feeling right now is new and raw. You are probably dealing with a myriad of jumbled emotions and thoughts. That's normal and they'll settle into a better sense of order in time. You'll catch yourself thinking, "oh, I need to tell mom about this..." and then remember that she isn't a phone call away. Not to sound goofy, but I still go outside sometimes and just sit in the quiet and have a private conversation with my mom in my head.

I too am glad that you and your sister were able to visit with her before she died. I'm sure it meant as much to her as it did to you.

((( mac )))

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@mac11,

Oh mac, I am so sorry for your loss. Mothers are special and no matter how
prepared you are, how sick they are, it is always a great loss and a deep pain
to lose one's mother. Give yourself time to mourn her, to mourn your cessation
of being a daughter, to mourn the memories just the two of your shared and the
special bond you've had with her.

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@mac11,

Awww, Mac. Sorry to hear this. Heartfelt sympathies and support to you and your family. Glad you took some things... they trigger memories. It was wonderful you got to see other sides of your mom through her friends.

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Rest in peace, Mom

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