boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 09:58 am
Such sad news, mac.

Alzheimer's stole me from my father long before he died and I thought I was over the hard part of missing him. Silly me. The hard part of missing a parent never goes away but it does get easier to tote around.

Maybe that's because you start to realize that you've been carrying them around inside you all this time anyway.

XOXO
0 Replies
 
BumbleBeeBoogie
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 10:17 am
http://www.24karatdesigns.com/images/new-to-add/death%20of%20a%20mother_WM-tight-300.jpg
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 11:12 am
I'm sorry for your loss. Losing a family member is never easy, especially a parent.
0 Replies
 
realjohnboy
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 11:26 am
I add my condolences, Mac11, to those extended by your other friends in the A2K community.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 11:35 am
@CalamityJane,
CalamityJane wrote:

Give yourself time to mourn her, to mourn your cessation
of being a daughter, to mourn the memories just the two of your shared and the
special bond you've had with her.


I think this is important. One of the strangest realizations is the one of being orphaned. Regardless of what age it happens, there's no question that losing one's last parent is a transition to a new reality. My siblings and I all spoke of it after my mother died. How strange it was to be the "old" generation in the family.

I'm not sure, mac, if your father is still living but if he isn't then this feeling is also natural.
0 Replies
 
alex240101
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 11:37 am
My condolences mac11. Seventy plus years is a blessing.
0 Replies
 
ehBeth
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 11:59 am
@mac11,
oh, M, I'm sorry that you had to write this. Hard to do.

When you posted earlier this month that you and your sister had visited your mom you were a bit sad. Glad you'd gone, but sad. (((((M)))))

My word of wisdom is much like others here - be gentle with yourself.
0 Replies
 
mac11
 
  4  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 12:29 pm
Thank you all for your responses. And yes, there are so many words of wisdom here. I knew there would be.

My dad died in August 1991. I miss him still. I had moved home for the summer to help out because he was in bad shape and Mom didn't drive (and could use the help in other ways too, of course). I held his hand while Mom called 911 that day. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and my memories of that summer have resurfaced now.

My brothers and sister and I have communicated more in the few weeks before Mom died and these last two weeks than we have in the last five years put together. And all of us (including my brother-in-law, sisters-in-law, and four teenaged nieces and nephews) hadn't all been together in several years until last week. There was always someone who couldn't make it to holidays or reunions over the years. Mom would certainly love all the emails, conference calls, and time together that we've had.

We're still emailing a lot because we're sorting out closing out Mom's apartment next weekend, some financial issues, and scheduling the service which will take place at Arlington Cemetery to place Mom's urn with Dad's. Many of our East Coast relatives will come for that. It looks like that will happen in June.
mismi
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 12:55 pm
@mac11,
Oh mac...so sorry to hear - I can't imagine how hard it has to be. Please know my thoughts are with you as you adjust to life without her here. I am happy to hear you got to see her before she died.

mac said:
Quote:
Going through her belongings wasn't as hard as people seem to think it should be, but that's probably because I'm not very sentimental about objects. My siblings kept trying to talk me into taking things and I took a few, but it's just stuff, you know?


This is so wise. I do believe that sentamentality can be a sort of burden to some folks. I am not that sentamental. I do believe that it is just stuff...it is comforting to hear someone else say the same thing....

just know you are in my thoughts now.
jespah
 
  3  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 03:58 pm
@mismi,
Oh mac.

This was, like soz said, seeing the title and the author, oh man. You know, you can keep some of her things but the place where she really stays is in your heart.

I believe if we humans didn't have hearts, we'd have to invent them.

Peace to you and yours, now and always.
0 Replies
 
caribou
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 04:14 pm
I'm so sorry.

0 Replies
 
FreeDuck
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 04:31 pm
@mac11,
No words from me. I'm sorry to hear it. Just here to listen.
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 04:45 pm
Oh, mac. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this. I know a little of how you must feel.

My mother and I were close...she died in 1997. We didn't live in the same town, but we spent at least an hour every week on the phone. It took me a couple of years before I stopped feeling like I should pick up the phone and call her. And for several years, I could still hear her voice in my mind. It's been quite a while since that happened, and frankly, I miss it.

You've heard the old saying that people live on through their children. Well, now I understand more fully what that means. It's not just about bloodlines or traditions. It's more like what boomer said: We carry them around with us all the time. My mother is part of me, and that will never change.

Your mother is part of you too, mac. And she always will be.

I wish you peace.



0 Replies
 
Intrepid
 
  2  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 04:58 pm
@mac11,
My condolences to you and your family. Like many others, I don't have any special words of wisdom. It is hard to impart any kind of wisdom when someone has suffered a loss. We can have sympathy and even empathy, but wise words seem to be lost.

Having lost parents, a brother and a grandchild, I can appreciate your feelings but have nothing of value to add. Your Life Celebration at the retirement community sounds like a wonderful idea. It is not only good for you, but the friends that your mother had made over the years.

Keep only good memories of your mother, and if there was ever anything that was not so good.....put it out of your memory.
0 Replies
 
Thomas
 
  1  
Reply Sun 22 Mar, 2009 09:15 pm
@mac11,
I don't know what to say -- I'm terribly sorry for your loss!
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 23 Mar, 2009 12:47 am
@mac11,
It's wonderful that you & your brotherthers & sisters have been communicating a lot more, mac. Sounds like you're in good hands there! Smile
0 Replies
 
Raggedyaggie
 
  1  
Reply Wed 25 Mar, 2009 08:48 pm
Oh Mac, I just saw this thread and am I'm so sorry to hear this news. You have my deepest sympathy.

My experience has been that over time the pleasant memories do heal the pain. But in the meantime, you must take care of yourself.

<<hugs from Raggedyaggie>>
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2009 12:31 am
How are you going , mac?
0 Replies
 
TilleyWink
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2009 12:48 am
@mac11,
Memories are the beststuff and t Things are as you say just things. Death is a life thing and as long as there was nothing left undone and you have siblings you will do fine but do give you self the time to fully comprehend your life with and how it may change you.
0 Replies
 
mac11
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Mar, 2009 09:34 am
Thank you everybody. I'm doing okay mostly. I'm still not used to the idea that Mom is gone. I'll think I've thought it through, but then I'll think of say, Mother's Day or having the holidays without her.

Maybe cleaning out her apartment this weekend will help things feel more final. It will be strange to have no reason to go to Baton Rouge any more.
 

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