What if you have what men want but they still aren't showing interest?

How old are you?

I'm interested in the answer to FreeDuck's question too...

From what little info we have though you may come across as overconfident and/ or too high-maintenance.

I find attraction is very much based on chemistry - either people have or they don't. I've seen fairly average looking women attract a lot of men while better looking women get ignored like "wall-flowers". I think there is also a delicate balance between indicating you are interested in a man, but not desperate. The other equally delicate balance is indicating you are not desperate, but also not someone who will reject them.

I think it's also important when you do meet a man (or another woman you just might like be friends with) is to ask them about themselves, pay attention, ask for details about their job, interests etc, don't interrupt them, don't tell more about yourself than you ask about them and smile often. If you like them close the deal by saying you really enjoyed meeting them and would they be interested in getting together for ___________ (fill in the blank). If they say "yes" give them your information. This gives them back the power of being the pursuer and if they like you they will call.

I'm glad I'm not on the dating scene anymore - it's hard.

Yes, I think the "aura" of desperation is a definite turn-off - regardless if man or woman actually.

Thirty

I agree, and I'm not desperate.

I've known far too many beautiful, successful, independent women who sit at home every night alone. There are a number of reasons for it, far too many to pinpoint just one. But here's one example:

I have a gorgeous cousin who, not wanting to appear desperate on a first date, explained to him that she'd had numerous romances in her life, had been married, knew what it was to love and be loved so she wasn't looking for it or hungering for it or on the prowl for it. She has a beautiful home, earns a hefty salary, blah, blah,blah.

Now of course she's looking for love and romance. She'd like to remarry someday. But in her effort to appear casual and not needy, she overcompensated and, is there any need to tell you that the man never phoned her again? Why would he? She basically told him that she had no use for him.

I say all that to say that alot of times people start blabbing and end up shooting themselves in the foot. They simply aren't aware of how they screw themselves up. Try putting your question to one of the guys who've become your friend. Maybe they can provide some insight if there's something about you, or something you do, that turns men away.

I would say that what men want largely depends on the man. It's certainly reasonable to expect that if you have many good qualities then some men should find you attractive. Then there's the whole other enchilada of how men show interest.

Maybe you could give us an example or scenario that would help us out? Did you get a "let's just be friends" reaction recently? Is there someone you are interested in? What kinds of men have what you want?

Again I agree with other questions here and am interested in the answers...

Another question I have, is do you want generalized attention from men, or have you developed interest in a specific man that wasn't reciprocated?

general attention

Very true.

I don't think men would like being lumped into one catagory as far as what they like any more than a woman would like hearing a guy say women all want the same thing. (which btw, always seems to center on money. some men just love to think we're all gold diggers)

I think the more important question is, what do YOU want in a man?

Few guys show any interest that's beyond platonic so I rarely get to the point of hearing "let's just be friends".

I'm interested in a guy who's intelligent, good sense of humor, has a work ethic, showers regularly, wants kids, enjoys outdoor activities, isn't narrow-minded, enjoys the arts (or at least won't get on me about my enjoyment of the arts).

oh wait, just read this....

so, you want general attention from all the guys in the room?

doesn't matter if he's married, a great guy or a jerk?

Apparantly you want to be all things to all men?

if I might ask, what are all the ladies in the room supposed to be doing while you're getting all this generalized attention?

does your name hoppy toad pretty well say the amount of time you want to spend with these men?

I think it's becoming clear why a man may want to steer clear.

I've heard from more than one male source they like women who aren't needy/clingy, that physical appeal does play a role, have a brain and know how to use it, and have a sense of humor (to name a few things) so I don't think I'm painting with a wide brush and generalizing.

What do I want? An intelligent guy with a work ethic, showers regularly, wants kids, has a good sense of humor, enjoys the arts (or at least won't give me a hard time about my love of the arts), doesn't mind cats, someone I can have discussions and debates with, enjoys outdoor activities.

Maybe you're just not meeting the right guys. If you're everything you say, you should be drawing them like bees to honey, so could it be the men you're meeting? Or maybe they're reacting to a vibe you're giving off that you're unaware of.

Ask a friend what they think it is... we don't know you so it's kind of hard to help.

that "showers regularly" made me laugh

What about joining a dating service, like eharmony? That's a really good idea.

Huh? What are you talking about? She asked if I was talking about general attention or if I was talking about attention that wasn't being returned, and I replied 'general attention', as in I wasn't referring to any specific guy or situation. You're reading so much into my two word statement it's not even funny. I have no idea where you get the idea I'm some sort of attention whore who expects every guy to fixate on her and her alone but you are totally and completely wrong.

OK, I do think that's an issue. Guys know that. If you're interested in THAT GUY, you're more likely to get a response than if you're just sort of generally wanting to be noticed.

So if your goal is to be in a relationship, my advice would be to look for guys that interest you, then go from there.

If you're interested in being pursued, no advice except that you might want to rethink that.

What I was getting at is that if you want general attention, you're spreading it around sister.

someone who has the attributes you want may not want what that implies.