Quite embarassed...

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

when I read the term "hanging out" to my old fart ears that sounded nothing like going on the date.

diest, not to make myself sound incredibly out of touch, but is that the term "you young people" are using when meaning you want to go out on what I would consider a date? I.E., potential for romance in the future?

Man, you must be old.

(I thought the same damn thing.)

1 Reply

@Ticomaya,

Ticomaya - long time no see. Got tired of the politics threads? Can't blame you.

That, or I've just been looking in the wrong places.
K
O

2 Replies

@chai2,

chai2 wrote:

hmmm....

when I read the term "hanging out" to my old fart ears that sounded nothing like going on the date.

diest, not to make myself sound incredibly out of touch, but is that the term "you young people" are using when meaning you want to go out on what I would consider a date? I.E., potential for romance in the future?

Please don't take this as a negative comment/question in any way, I seriously may be out of touch with what 20 somethings call some stuff.

To me, "hanging out" is something 13 to 17 year olds do. Maybe I think that way because the 13-17 year olds who I heard use that phrase are now 23 to 27....go figure.

anyway, I think of hanging out as something you do with friends you've known for quite some time, not somone you met at a party and felt a spark with. I thought hanging out meant sitting around someone's house with nothing particular to do.

Well, I thought what she did, not telling you about a boyfriend (if she has one) is pretty shitty. I mean, what was she going to tell the boyfriend? "hey, I can't see you saturday because I'm going to hang out with some guy I met at a party".....oh yeah, that would happen.

Maybe it would help if you made you message clearer.

After talking for the evening at a party, finding a lot in common, she's acting like she's thinking the same thing....how about saying...

"I'm really having a good time with you. I'd like to see you again. Maybe just for coffee, or are you already seeing someone?"

I don't think that sound TOO old fashioned, and it sets up the stage, as well as giving her an out.

If she says she's dating someone, you can say "Ah...the good ones are always taken....I'm sure he's a nice guy....."

then, just start back in talking (have a backup emergency story to jump into, like "did you see how drunk that guy is over there?"

chai I would love to see a picture of you in your high button shoes....

1 Reply

dude, brush it off but in the future tell a girl your exact intentions. Just want to hang out.... would like to hang out with the intention of seeing if we could hook up... wanna do you....whatever you 're thinking just say so. If you put it out there in no uncertain terms you're already past the embarrassing and/or awkward part before you invest any more time.

All women want to say yes....it's up to you to frame the question correctly.

0 Replies

@Diest TKO,

Quote:

Ticomaya - long time no see. Got tired of the politics threads? Can't blame you.

WOW!!! Politics has never been so interesting. The above remark merely expresses an inability to comprehend it and in the poster's usual style he thus dismisses it as beneath his contempt. A simple cop-out.

Good for you TK. It's appropriate.

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@Diest TKO,

Diest TKO wrote:

Ticomaya - long time no see. Got tired of the politics threads? Can't blame you.

I've been around, but busy.

1 Reply

@Ticomaya,

Ticomaya wrote:

Diest TKO wrote:
Ticomaya - long time no see. Got tired of the politics threads? Can't blame you.

I've been around, but busy.

New Years is coming up, last year what was your drink of choice?

I believe it was "Arrogant Bastard" beer right? I saw that in a store yesterday. I hope things have been well.

T
K
O

1 Reply

Chumly: buy her soaps and perfumes? Were you serious? If so...high comedy.

Doesn't sound like her relationship is that serious, she probably just used it as an excuse. Oh well. You have nothing to be embarrassed at, not like you did anything wrong.

Funny line to say to a chick if she drops "I have a boyfriend" on you(especially if you just met her). "Wow, we just met/don't even know your name yet, and you're already telling me about all your problems!"

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@Bi-Polar Bear,

Bi-Polar Bear wrote:

chai I would love to see a picture of you in your high button shoes....

heh

So you're indicating my ideas of how a man could ask a woman out are too old fashioned?

Looking at it from a womans point of view, and I might even ask the other ladies here as a mini poll....

I'd definately feel more feminine, desireable, and interested in the man as a potential romance hearing "I'd like to see you again" rather than "Wanna hang out?"

There's nothing old fashioned about treating someone you're attracted to as special.

Bear, do you think a guy would be afraid of sounding like a sissy or something by speaking to an attractive woman as if she is an attractive woman, rather than another guy?

If that want a guy would think, I'm here to say that is definately not the way a woman would take it. She'd be flattered.

like the song sez "treat her like a lady"

and yeah, I do think she was using the old "I've got a boyfriend" thing as an excuse that she wasn't feeling the vibe.

At my age, which is a good age, if I was a guy and someone said this to me, I'd pop right back with "So if you have a boyfriend, what're you doing here with me?"......Oh.....yeah.....hanging out

2 Replies

@Diest TKO,

Diest TKO wrote:

New Years is coming up, last year what was your drink of choice?

I believe it was "Arrogant Bastard" beer right? I saw that in a store yesterday. I hope things have been well.

I think it probably was. And might be again this year ... fantastic beer, if you haven't tried it. If you like ale, that is.

Things have been well, and I hope the same is true for you with your new job in your new town.

0 Replies

@chai2,

Quote:

At my age, which is a good age, if I was a guy and someone said this to me, I'd pop right back with "So if you have a boyfriend, what're you doing here with me?"......

I would have acted as if I hadn't heard it. I would expect a lady I was expending my time upon to have a boyfriend. Or even a husband. I consider it a basic human right for a lady to have one of those. Or even both.

I don't think "I'd like to see you again" is quite right. It's a bit soppy. She's got the picture. "What are you doing Thursday night? " one might say. "I can't make it before then. My father's in town inspecting his franchises and I have to drive him round to meet people. He's a bit frail you know. He was 68 when he had Mom have me. We could go to The Green Man up by the lake. Get away from all this nonsense. I'm free till Sunday if you fancy making a weekend of it and you can tell your Mom to tell anybody who calls up that you've gone to Milwaukee for a few days to help your sister who has taken a bad turn."

She might toss and turn all night with that considering our hero's dashing good looks.

"Wanna hang out?" is just terrible.

Quote:

do you think a guy would be afraid of sounding like a sissy or something by speaking to an attractive woman as if she is an attractive woman, rather than another guy

The point is "how" you speak to an attractive woman as if she is an attractive woman. One might say,for example, that her hairstyle reminds you of a certain picture somewhere of a heroine or even a goddess. Or an Empress. Then you can display your knowledge while flattering the silly sod's head off her shoulders. Or a brooch she is wearing. Or a pendant. As long as it's not a crucifix.

I might think "So if you have a boyfriend, what're you doing here with me?" but if I said it I would expect to be put on Ignore. With a haruumph and tail-turn.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Chai said:

Quote:

and yeah, I do think she was using the old "I've got a boyfriend" thing as an excuse that she wasn't feeling the vibe.

Or maybe she just took him at his word the first time and figured they'd just hang out - get to know each other - maybe become friends.

So maybe she was just telling the truth, and when it became obvious that he was interested in more than hanging out and friendship, she felt the need to let him know - 'oh yeah, I was interested in hanging out - but as far as anything else goes - you should probably be aware - I have a boyfriend...'

I personally would rather 'hang out' two or three times to see if I were at all interested in being thought of romantically by someone, before I went out on a romantic 'date' with that person after having chatted at a party. There's nothing worse than realizing someone's interested in you, and you have no reciprocal feelings in that direction.
That's so uncomfortable and puts both parties under a lot of pressure.
If I knew the guy liked me - I'd like to be able to make sure there was any chance of me liking him back before I accepted a 'date' sort of 'date'.
And hanging out is a good way to do that.

But I enjoy hanging out - probably moreso than going on dates. I've never gone out on a date with someone unless I already knew them from hanging out.

1 Reply

@spendius,

spendius wrote:

I might think "So if you have a boyfriend, what're you doing here with me?" but if I said it I would expect to be put on Ignore. With a haruumph and tail-turn.

That's exactly what I would hope her reaction would be.

It certainly would be if a man told me he had a girlfriend, when he had just spent some post first meeting time with me.

It's like saying "don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out"

You're correct though in that it's how you say it. You can sound soppy saying "I'd like to see you again", like a lovelorn puppy, or you can say "I'd like to see you again" in a way that, well, the way my husband said it to me when we met.

The way he said it I was thinking "well then close your eyes for a second, I'll be here when you open them."

0 Replies

@aidan,

aidan wrote:

Or maybe she just took him at his word the first time and figured they'd just hang out - get to know each other - maybe become friends.

So maybe she was just telling the truth, and when it became obvious that he was interested in more than hanging out and friendship, she felt the need to let him know - 'oh yeah, I was interested in hanging out - but as far as anything else goes - you should probably be aware - I have a boyfriend...'

well, of course that's a possibility, but I just don't think it's likely she would go "hang out" with another guy if she had a boyfriend.

I'm much less jealous than most people I think. But, if I was talking to my boyfriend, and he said he was going to go "hang out" with a woman he met at a party last week, I'd be asking some questions. First of which would be "well, if this is a new friend, how about having her come over here so both of us can get to know her?" If the boyfriend said "sure", well, good then. If this hanging out could only be done with me not around....I'd be wondering why. Now, if this relationship progressed past hanging out, and became a real friendship between the 2 of them, I'd have no prob with them going somewhere just the 2 of them. My husband has 2 female friends like that. One of them I just don't like, and wouldn't want to spend any time with her, but he likes her. The other one is really nice, and I like having her visit the house, but I really don't want to go do anything with her...but he does.

I'm not saying members of the opposite sex can't be friends while they are in a relationship with somone else, but I don't think people typically take it for granted that someone of the opposite sex is just looking for friendship.

I've asked men out on dates after first meeting them. They knew I wasn't interested in hanging out.

2 Replies

@chai2,

chai said:

Quote:

well, of course that's a possibility, but I just don't think it's likely she would go "hang out" with another guy if she had a boyfriend

Really? I'm not being facetious - that really surprises me. But like I said - I never went out on a date without having been friends with someone first so that means that this person knew that I had other friends...and liked to make friends (male and female) and hang out with those friends...etc., etc. and unless your partner likes all your friends, (which was never the case for me) how are you ever gonna stay friends with your old friends or make new friends?

My boyfriend in college was a jock - I wasn't. He liked going to basketball games - I didn't. He'd go with this girl basketball player and I was HAPPY I didn't have to go. I was happy he knew her - it got me off the hook.
At the same time - I liked poetry and theater and I made a friend at a play who was a guy and my boyfriend hated plays and poetry - so I used to go with this guy to plays...so what?

I do think men and women can be friends and I think it's necessary (at least in relationships I've been in). You'd get bored if you could only spend time with one person attending activities that that person liked.

As far as I'm concerned friendship is friendship and doesn't include sex - that's called something else entirely.

I've never asked a guy out - so I can't comment on that. But I have said stuff like - 'Oh, you like blues bands - there's this great band playing at so and so - we should go see them sometime. '
And honest to god - that's all I mean..as in 'you like the same music I do - let's go listen to it together- see what we think- wouldn't that be fun?'
And if a guy said that to me - I'd think he'd be meaning the same thing...
until he said - 'you know I really like you...'

I think it's good for people to just say what they mean - and for other people to believe that maybe people really mean what they say...

It'd save a lot of confusion.

2 Replies

You ladies are making it sound as if this vision of loveliness is hamstrung because she has a boyfriend. That's not feminism. That's patriarchal nose-ring stuff.

It was crass of her to mention it unless as a challenge. To see if he's up for risking a duel. Warren Beatty did a movie about that. Shampoo.

We are supposed to be a product of evolution after all. He who dares wins.

So I was giving her an unlikely benefit of the doubt. Then I could picture it romantically. It's being made to sound like a negotiation at a Summit meeting.

1 Reply

Maybe you could just pretend to be gay, and act as though you were only after her for makeup tips Smile

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@aidan,

Quote:

so I used to go with this guy to plays...so what?

So--if he doesn't try to get you in the sack that really must make you feel bad.

2 Replies

@spendius,

Spendius said:

Quote:

You ladies are making it sound as if this vision of loveliness is hamstrung because she has a boyfriend. That's not feminism. That's patriarchal nose-ring stuff

I did not - I said she should still be allowed to have friends of either or both genders.

Spendius said:

Quote:

It was crass of her to mention it unless as a challenge. To see if he's up for risking a duel. Warren Beatty did a movie about that. Shampoo.

We are supposed to be a product of evolution after all. He who dares wins.

And you're making her sound like a manipulative bitch and you don't even know her.
Maybe she just wants a friend who she likes to talk to. Her boyfriend might like her to have that - not to stereotype - but don't guys get tired of women yapping all the time? This way - she'd have someone else to yap with.

I don't think Diest should be embarrassed or feel bad - if he likes her - maybe he should just be her friend...you know...isn't that what friends do - like each other?

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@spendius,

In fact - he asked me to marry him...I said, 'No - I have a boyfriend....' Very Happy

(just kidding)
Spendius said:

Quote:

So--if he doesn't try to get you in the sack that really must make you feel bad.

No it didn't make me feel bad - I wasn't at ALL physically attracted to him and if he'd tried to get me in the sack - that'd have been embarrassing.

That was my whole point in my first post:
It's good to hang out - if there's any sexual chemistry that just grows as you hang out and by the time you go out on a date - no one has to try to do anything to anyone else - it just happens - naturally - no fuss, no mess, no embarrassement for either party. You both know what you want- because you've hung out and figured it (at least the intial part of it) out.

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Quite embarassed...

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