Thank you for your responses, advice, and support. She said she has a wonderful support network out there (friends) so she's feeling okay that way. I think she's still in shock. She's feeling rejected, left out (no discussion), surprised (they do talk but apparently not enough or about the right things), betrayed, bewildered, and a whole host of other things.
On the good side, and yes, there is always a good side, this is a chance for her to discover what she's made of and what she really wants.
I listened to her for an hour and a half and neither of us dumped on him. It is what it is. If that's how he's feeling, then that's how he's feeling. How do you argue with that? And honestly, he's a perfectly nice guy - it takes guts to end something you don't want to be part of. I just think he may be being a bit precipitous. And he was a little insensitive in how he told her. He said he wasn't in love with her anymore. And he needn't have told her about this woman, for example. He could have let that develop later.
I think he's just less responsible, less mature than she is and perhaps wants to have some of his youth and fun times back. Maybe he'll regret this, maybe he won't. Maybe this is just too much pressure for him.
But you're right, she's going to have to be strong (and she is) to pull through this without becoming bitter, resentful, etc. That's what I recommended the counselling for. It's so easy to get mired in self-pity and righteousness. She has a tendency to justify/rationalize things without acknowledging the truth even a bit.
This whole thing is so unexpected; I was caught completely off guard and can only imagine what she went through when he first told her. Her whole world just crashing down on her and she hadn't a clue it was that bad for him. At least when Oliver died, she had him. Now who does she have? Well, family and friends, I guess. And there she is, in their house alone in their bed. I guess it's just going to take some getting used to. Sorry, I'm just rambling.
I don't usually post this kind of stuff on public boards but I was so distraught for her - again. I just feel so helpless and yet I know there's nothing I can do but support her. I guess I was just asking for some sympathy, myself. So thank you again for providing that.