Fox in the henhouse

Give it a rest chai.

after you dadpad.

I didn't dredge this up again, neither ragman or you didn't have to respond, and it would have been resting.

I have my opinion. It's mine, not yours, or ragmans, francis or whoever else.

if you want it to rest, be my guest.

same to y'all.

after all dadpad, as you have so bluntly put, it's only the internet.

Should I feel better Chai? Should I feel good now that I've provided a defense to your indefensible claims? I do feel good about the wave of "I certainly don't agree with that"s I've received both publicly and privately. But no, it doesn't feel good to have a hateful bitch defame my character publicly, without a shred of evidence to support her heinous accusations.

The simple fact is; you can provide not one shred of evidence to support your accusations. Nothing. No one who ever felt taken advantage of. No one who'd claim I ever attempted to contact them after offering public advice, commiseration or comfort. Nothing. This inevitable omission serves as undeniable proof that you invented this nonsense out of a malicious attempt to hurt me. You should be quite ashamed of yourself and I wouldn't want to face the person in the mirror if I behaved like you.

You don't like me. That's fine. I don't much like you either, though I frequently laugh at your clever posts. Had you started a thread that stated "I think O'bill is an A-hole"; I'm sure you would have found plenty of agreement. That thread, would have served your hateful purpose better.

I do not come here to win a popularity contest and it is my natural habit to antagonize antagonists, bully bullies, and voice my opposition when I feel someone is being unfairly attacked by a superior force… whether that person deserves the attack or not. This habit is, after all, not how you win friends and influence people. So be it. But you crossed the line. Your ugly attempt to assassinate my character with over the top BS has only served to illuminate your own hateful shortcomings as a human being.

I may well be an A-hole; but I certainly didn't deserve this sh!t.

Dredge this up? Did you really think omitting my name would provide you a platform to attempt to spread your hate, without a response? Perhaps if you'd have had the courage to attack more directly I'd have seen it sooner. Perhaps if there was a shred of credibility to your heinous accusation, you wouldn't have felt the need to veil it. Again, I didn't deserve this… and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Ps. My heartfelt thanks to all of those who took the time to let me know they don't agree with this BS.

Add my name to that list, O'Bill.

I just saw this thread...and i'm surprised...i dont know about this TTH at all and I am only speaking here for myself here, though I might be sound like a fence-sitter? a miss goody-goody?

I am one of those people who came to a2k because I was in distress. I went back to my thread just now and read the names of the people who gave me advice. I have to agree with those that say "good advice can come from either a man or a woman". Though I didnt even bother about gender and I didnt know then, if the answers were from men or women

Now, after this thread, I started analyzing the responses from each gender (from what I know now abt a2kers).

Of course all the women;s advice was greatly helpful...bella, greenwitch, noddy, brooke, heatwave and everyone else...but so were the men's words.

jpinMilwaukee post in the 2nd page (such an eye-opener...i remember crying hard when I read his words), gustavratzenhofer, OCOMM BILL....all of them were helpful. I did not see ANY of them as surrogate father-figures that i can lean on for support. I just saw them as kind, sensible men who were speaking their mind- just like the women over here.

It's not true that I would be more comfortable sharing personal problems with a woman rather than a man.

In real life, I wouldn't go to either a man or a woman for help with my marriage - wrong, i know - but i am way too proud. That's why the help I got from a2k was so crucial.

In real life at least, I would certainly be cautious if a man is trying to use any weakness of mine to get close to me.

As I said before, I do not wish to spark more arguments. But I really thought it would be unfair if I did not speak up for all a2kers (women AND men) who helped me so much.

Sakhi: thank you a thousand times for your message as your opinion is exactly what matters the most here and helps to actually settle this debate. Of course, gender lines can matter (with dispensing of good advice) on some issues, but not nearly as much with online forum discussions.

Witness the dynamics of an abuse crises thread from Momof2 back about 6 months ago. There were those that offered great advice and those (who criticize loudly) who offered some not-so-good advice:
http://www.able2know.org/forums/viewtopic.php?t=106275&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=10

For example, when someone who comes here with a dangerous abuse situation in crises and then someone offers them advice while criticizing their grammar and word choices. Things that make you say 'hmmm'.

When a troubled soul posts an issue like this online, there has to be recognized a different sort of dynamic here. Online, to a high degree we have a tendency to no longer act as physical beings as we're all reduced to 1/4-inch-high type fonts. That has to be recognized as far different psycho-dynamic. And for those who are motivated by creepy motivations, enough sane and balanced people help flush out those creeps and expose them. Give A2K some credit where it's due.

That's what is so good about A2K. Other places online, it can be quite different. I suggest saving the major cautions and scathing criticism for other places online. Let's be real, anywhere online is risky business, and vulnerable people should be cautious of men OR women who want to take over. There are dangers to be cautioning abused women about SOME men OR some women, as both can be dominating and do so for bad reasons.

Whatever some of this thread's contributors have written so far may have only fueled the debate even more. Your opinion, having been through some relationship problems and/or spousal abuse and resurfaced to tell us about it, - well, this is where the advice really matters the most.

I sincerely hope that you're safe and reasonably happy with your life (or at least on the road to that). If there's one good thing that comes from contributing to online forums that helps someone like yourself, then it's well worth endless debates like this one.

Now if we REALLY want to see what she says that helped her, for constructive understanding, we should all go back and read the comments in her thread of those who she listed as offering the good advice.

For pete's sake let's end this debate NOW as all the debate does is further alienate those regulars who seem to be in conflict with the more abrasive edges of some genuine helpers.

Re: Fox in the henhouse

I read this entire thread and this is the only post that made much sense. There are lots of websites out there that are either primarily or exclusively female-oriented and which offer advice (like this one, for instance). If a woman wants a woman's advice, there are plenty of places on the interwebs for her to get it. Given all of the gyno-centric websites out there, if a woman comes to A2K for advice it might just be because she wants men to offer their perspectives.

But I see I'm responding to the initial post rather than the subtextual cat fight going on between Chai and O'BILL. Oh well, as Emily Litella would say, "never mind."

strange fashion on a2k lately to judge who should and who should not post and how.... anyway.

i think i get what chai is saying but and perhaps there is some validity to it in real life. i can see that an abused woman would be likely to seek out another woman's help if her abuser was male.
but i don't feel that is so when it comes to online forum, certainly not as some sort of a general rule of thumb. here, dominance is not a gender specific thing. plenty women are manipulative or just not knowledgeable of the specific area that needs expertise and issue advice that may be harmful to those that are vulnerable. plenty men have genuinely helped those that needed it, even abused women. generalizations are dangerous. and b)... it's irrelevant. the person seeking advice often doesn't know who is male and who female anyway and looks for substance. it's a public forum and so it will stay. people will post as they see fit. thankgod for that, that's why we're all here, right?

Personally, I think most, if not all, of the men offering solicitude, help, support here are wonderful people, and it shows in their sensitivity and patience. There isn't one of them I don't like or wouldn't trust, and I must say, their advice is what I would say, which is why I don't bother. I'd just be saying "Ditto" all over the place.

If I ever post a problem, gents, please feel free to contribute to my thread.

(((((( Sakhi )))))) It is always good to see you and I hope you are doing well. Thank you for taking the time to give your opinions and set the record straight.

And thanks to the last wave of "I don't agree with that"s too. Your kind words are all appreciated.