found homemade dildo and vibrator in 14 y.o. daughters rm.

look i know you want to protect your child and that good because alot of parents dont tlk to their teens about sex...but relax because in reality your daughter is going to do what she wants when your not around anyway and whn she hits 16,17 and 18 you cant say anything about it because its her business. when it comes to sex that should be between her and whoever shes ******* and whn shes ready to discuss her sex life with you then she will. but until that day it her business. this is what all teens think whn it come to their parents metaling in their sex life.

128 thousand now and counting...

Uhm. Why are you going through your daughters room? And internet useage. This is probably the worst thing a parent could ever do. She may be a little on the sneaky side because you have taught her that way, instead of teaching her to be honest about her wants and needs. She is dishonest because by the sounds of it you wont believe her anyway. If you werent going through her things you wouldnt have found anything to be concerned about. Parents like you make me sick.

tell her not to wear herself out down there, or sex with people will be less pleasurable. I think you know what I mean.

That's what you think.

hahaha you don't really believe that, do you? Hey, whatever lets you sleep through the night!

i laughed so hard i cried a little couldnt catch my breath an fell out of my chair are u kidding me a play doh dildo im still laughing who cares all kids experiment probably got the idea from the internet i just gotta tell this to my friends still laughing

im all for checking a teens room, im only 20 and i grew up with my room being searched and looked through, but reading a journal is something that is remarkably sinister and truly a bad move. my parents had enough RESPECT for me that they did not have to read my private thoughts. there are other ways of knowing what teens are doing. and im guessing by the way you obviously have no respect for your child that she is distant i would hate to have you as a parent. i would rather kill my self then know that a parent reads things that are meant to be private. i applaud your daughter for surviving you.

Okay look I'm 19 and I started sneaking around because my parents lost trust in me due to my older brother breaking the rules. I knew I was the child but i also knew that I had done nothing to have my parents not trust me. I had sex for the first time and the day after when I came home I told my mother and got kicked out for. The reason teens sneak around is because parents do not understand how the teen life is now. Teen life for us is not the same as it was for our parents and I know that fact. SO GROW UP AND LEARN SOME STUFF! Parents need to talk to their children about sex by 6th grade. They also need to let their kids know that they understand things happen and that they'll understand if they did have sex. They also need to let the kids know that sex is better for married people or in a committed relationship. I've had sex with two guys and one girl. The first two people were awful because it wasn't a committed relationship. I now am engaged with a guy I've been with for 4years and we started having sex 2months into our relationship. I had sex the first time when i was 14. I left the guy because I felt regret for having sex with him. I have been living with my faience since i was 14 and we got together a year after. You know that you kid will have sex because they are curious don't tell them it was wrong or a sin that they did. They will still have sex but they won't tell you about it and it will become reckless.............

i think you should let her have her privacy but ask her about stuff and don't invade her privacy like if my parents went and invaded my privacy like that i wouldn't trust them and would hide everything.

She is 14 and able to bear children, meaning, she is nubile in all ways, except the brains.

I would get her a set of dildos and vibrators to choose from and let her have 2 to 3 for personal use stowed away in her personal locker, wich noone else should and can access. That is her personal right, because also young ones have rights.

i go through my daughters things from time to time if i suspect something or she give me reason not to trust her. her step mother purchased a vibrator for and i just found out about it. she had been lying about where she was going she is not 16, and had experienced sexual encounters with 3 different guys at 3 different times. i do believe this stems from her getting to vibrator at a young age and it seemed to peak her curiosity even more. what happen to teaching scripture on morals and respect and honor. sex is a huge responsibility and there are bad outcomes as well as good. i have nothing to hide from my daughter she goes in my room all the time and through my purse. i give her the same respect she give me. i went through her messages on her phone after she got in trouble and saw some things that were so disturbing i went in to an anxiety attack and my bp shot up. i was hurting so bad from what i was reading i could talk to her about it her father had to. im not really happy with the step mothers decisions with out consulting me first that kinda pisses me off, but thats ok what goes around comes around, i wont have to do a thing about her deceitfulness and bitterness towards me. as long as that child is under the age of 14 she has NO and i mean NO right to privacy. the right to privace should be earned not given freely. i dont mean dictate her i mean explain to her that she has a limited amount of privacy only because u want her to understand clearly that if that privacy is abused it can be taken away. this can be used as a learning tool for her. at age 13 allow her to close her door, of course, when she changes and always respect her by knocking first, but only allow her maybe an hour in her room at a time and have her come back out and spend family time. giving too much privacy will cause her to pull away. causally going in to her purse and opening her wallet to put her allowance or spending money in there as u tell her what u are doing builds her trust for you as a parent. at 14 allow more time alone and allow her girl friends to come to her house so u can get a feel or more aquainted with the girls she hanggs out with. if one seems a bit off and disrespectful, be casual about your conversations with your daughter over her. there could be personal issues going on at this girls house which causes her to act in such a way and u as a concerned parent can be a positive influence in a girls life. at 14 girls get to acting gitty and silly about boys. they must learn what is appropriate to say and do at this age. jumping in as a mom , in the conversastion for a bit and acting all gitty and prissy will get the girls laughing at u and makes the situation between parent and child much more comfy. make sure mom, that u jump in the conversation and jump back out. as long as they are noisy they are good. its when they get quiet that u question them. if one girl is the bad influence and seems to be a bit more mature than the others and she doesnt seem to want to respect or acts a way that is not becoming of a young girl the best thing to do is allow her to hang with her but in a conversation discourage your child's friendship with them and ask questions. "is your friend ok she seems a bit disrespectful" "sweetie, i didnt like the way she pushed u like that are u ok" "what she said to u was very rude, are u sure u feel comfortable around her?" as a parent u may have to spend a few moments with the disrespectful friend each time she comes over or make a point to say hello to her each time u see her. hoping at some point she will have no desire to be around and exclude herself or distance herself form the pack. eventually she could become more of an aqaintance than a good friend. at 14 kids need the benefit of the doubt but still limit their privacy. at 15 this is the learning year to dating, supervised is recommended, a few rows apart at the movies, going to the beach as a family and inviting the boy she likes. meeting his parents and knowing where he lives is a must. at 16 she will get annoyed that u want to know the boys phone number address and such but its for her safety. kids text alot that should be limited as well , no phone after 9 or 10, no texting at the dinner table. and they will try to hide the text under the table, just take it from her and give it back later. make sure they dont take their phones to their rooms when going to bed. the more communication u give a child the more privacy they will be allowed to have. if her agenda is to rebel your intuitions will tell you. i always tell my daughter , if u lie i will find out, it may not be that day and it may not be next week but it will come out and there will be consequences. and sure enough she lost her car, her debit card, her phone, and her computer. we changed up the way she goes out now. socializing is for weekends only, friday night and sat night. the rest of the days are for school or work. if she isnt doing either one she is to come home and do homework or chores. i allowed my daughter too much privacy and she abused it. she realizes that for the next year and a half i can make her or break her. she can have nambe brand clothes, a nice phone, a car, and money all she has to do is be obedient and dont lie to me. she wanted more so we took away what she had. she got angry but she was already warned before she started driving so she can get mad and get over it. one of the boys she snuck of to see was 22. that is a no no. there is nothing that a 22 year old man has in common with a 16 year jr in high school, i dont care how young he looks. if u give a punishment stick with it. if u waver it will only make matters worse for u as a parent. my daughter knows not to ask or beg or wine or complain about getting off of being grounded early, if i say no that is what i mean and if she wont take no for an answer i add another week of her not having the items she get for FREE. she says she cant wait to turn 18 so she can get out on her own. well she has a choice, live in my house and abide by my boundaries and get all your stuff for free and save your own money since that desire to go to college is still in the plan or get your own appartment and pay your own rent, your own lights, your own car payment, your own insurance, your own phone bill, your own food your own gas money and your own money for entertainment with friends. she would have to work full time to have her own apartment and earn at least 1500.00 a month just to pay the basic bills and eat. and she's gonna do that how? and go to school? i dont think so.
parents are not trying to dictate a childs life and control them. but it is a huge responsibility to be independent, we want our children safe in the cruel world, we want to have some time with them to hug them to love them, and to share ideas and dreams with them. there has to be a balance in a teens life and with out that balance it will only cause animosity. be patient. Lord knows im going through it now and i see some times when i gave her too much. now we have to start all over because she lost my trust. she had no reason to lie. she didnt want us to meet any of the boys she was dating, and thats too bad , i dont want my child all gitty for a boy that is nice to her in the beginning and then a month later after she has fallen in love with him ,he ends up hitting her or abusing her some how. as teens u dont see the outcome to potential dangers that is why teens still need their parents, to see things they dont, not to tell them what to do per say, but to help them set boundaries for themselves and to know how to choose or make wise choices in life, be it about boys, friends, college, travel, parties, drinking etc. teens wanna have fun and as parents we want them to have fun but just set boundaries. i dont yell at my daughter very often almost never unless she is irrational, i yes maam her and i listen to what she has to say even though sometimes her explainations dont make sense and she is trying to make something sound harmless. when u listen u learn things as a parent. but if im going to show her that type of respect, she has no right to speak to me in a tone or be irate with me. if a child shows disrespect in a conversation it should be addressed right then. " excuse me?...u wanna try saying that statement again in a different tone" "go to your room until u can speak to me in a respectful manner" "i dont speak to you that way and u will not speak to me that way" they usually pause a moment and the tone quickly changes. there are things my teen has done i dont approve of but let slide and put it in the back of my mind to see how she is going to deal with the issue. they arent puppets and they wont be perfect far from it. but the best advice i can give u is pick your fights dont argue about everything she or he does wrong. my mom once told me, "if u get pregnant im not helping u take care of that child u are on your own" that scared me enough to not want to have sex.

HANG ON. HANG ON. HANG ON. There is so much better of a way to approach things!!

Firstly, grab the facial washer thingy, & the condom stuffed with playdough. Next, go out, buy a proper vibrator. Then sit your daughter down for a 'talk'. Tell her, and explain WHY & HOW those things could be bad for her. (I'll put it simply; Imagine if the condom breaks. That's one hell of an embarrassing trip to the doctors. Not to mention, imagine the infections she could get from the face cleaner. Once again, an embarrassing trip to a doctors to get antibiotics for her infection.) Give her the vibrator, under the condition she cleans it properly with warm water & soap once in awhile.

You're probably asking yourself 'Isnt that encouraging her?' and I'm sure some people could argue that it is encouraging her, but let's face it; Better to know what she's doing, and that she's doing it safely, then let her mess around with **** that could be bad for her, or scold her for something the average teenager gets into.

Next, have a nice day out with her. Go get your nails done, or your hair, or go to a spa, or just go get a nice lunch. Just you two. BOND. At some point, bring up guys CASUALLY. I will promise you this; you ground her & say 'DONT DATE', she will cling to the person she's dating even more or want a relationship more.

Ask her why she didn't choose someone her own age. Ask her if next time if she'd mind trying someone closer to her age, as it might last longer, and the person might have more in common with her. Instead of being upset she went for someone 18.

Saying 'No' only urges her on. Instead, let it be known you're okay with her dating, but you want her to talk to you about it. If she wants to be with a guy, he has to be introduced to you. If she wants to go on dates, you get to drive her there & back the first few times. Set some kind, but fair ground rules for dating.

Make relationships & physical things, something you both are comfortable talking about.

Next, lets be honest, average girls lose their virginity between the ages of 14-24. It happens. You probably did too. So talk to her, casually, as her FRIEND, don't scold her for wanting to try things. Just make sure she knows to respect herself, don't get pressured into things she doesn't want. Teach her to know her own boundaries & how to respect herself. Make it known that when she feels she's ready to become physical in a relationship, that you're ready to listen with an open mind.

Realize this; It's better if she has sex on her bed, at home, with condoms you gave her, with the boyfriend you've met, than in some creepy guys basement, the one who you said she couldn't date, the one you've only ever seen a photo of, with no protection, where she gets pressured into more than she's ready for.

Next; Computer history can be cleaned out. There are ways to remove specific sites from history, and even ways to set things up so no history gets recorded. Teens grew up in a technical age. They know what they're doing computer-wise a lot more than you probably do.

Lastly, focus on her dishonesty. Ask her why she lied. Did she figure you wouldn't let her go there, especially if boys were going? Find out WHY she's lying and make a deal with her. If she wants to go to say target and hang out with some friends and a couple of boys, remind her of the penaltys of shop lifting, explain the concept of 'accessory', that even the 'nice' friends can sometimes shop lift, that she should know not everyones always honest, and that if they steal, she'll go down with them. Then drop her off at target. If after target she wants to go to the movies with them, and walk there or catch transit with them, let her go.

I figure you're thinking 'What if she lies again?!' The best solution; Check in on her occasionally. Tell her every so often you're going to meet her at a check point, so you KNOW shes where she says she is. Tell her that the more she is where she says, with the people she says she's with, the less check points there will be. Let her know you're okay with her hanging out with a few friends and a few boys, out in public, as long as she's honest. If she breaks check points, up the # of check points, or lower the # of times she's allowed out in a week.

You need to focus on building an honest relationship. You may not always like what she has to say, but if you learn to be open minded, realize she's young and looking for a little freedom, and help her to find it in a way you can both live with, you'll quickly find the house is a more pleasant place, and your daughter, is a lot happier to come to you. It may take weeks, but it'll probably take months, if not over a year.

Your business of snooping, & not saying anything to her? That's all building more distrust. You just grounding her cause she lied; more distrust. You are just building on this distrust, which will only make **** worse. You need to build a trusting, open, relationship. Open confrontation? Won't help. Having open ended conversations, where you keep an open mind, will. Asking questions rather than using accusations, gets BOTH of you talking. Not you screaming, and her storming off to her room.

Unfortunately, if you lock her up in her room, for her entire teenage years, and deny her the ability to socially experiment, you'll quickly find that the moment she has freedom, she'll over-go on it. She'll be that 19 year old woman, up on a table, drunk out of her mind, stoned, and completely naked infront of a bunch of guys at a strip-poker match that got outta hand in some 28 year olds basement, who ends up pregnant and with an std before the nights up.

However let her have a bit of freedom, while teaching her how to have it responsibly, teach her that she can come to you without being scolded for everything, and you might just find you have the ability to have a beautiful relationship with her.

I know this is old, but to anyone who has had a similar experience: she's exploring her sexuality, deal with it, give her $5, send her to planned parenthood, tell her to pick out 24 condoms (they're $2.50 a dozen here)... maybe if my mom did that for me in grade 9, I probably wouldn't have had unprotected sex, and give her some privacy, her room is supposed to be her sanctuary for god sake!!! a place where she can relax, do what she wants, don't ruin that! seeing this, my first reaction was "wow, you're a bitch" because you go through her room, and as for the Target thing, she's growing up, deal with it, she's not going to be your little girl any longer!!!

"Realize this; It's better if she has sex on her bed, at home, with condoms you gave her, with the boyfriend you've met, than in some creepy guys basement, the one who you said she couldn't date, the one you've only ever seen a photo of, with no protection, where she gets pressured into more than she's ready for."

I DID THIS!!! I was 14, I went to my 18 year old boyfriends house during my lunch hour, and we had sex, unprotected, and got high, I left, finished my school day in a daze, went home, ate, did homework, slept, woke up, got ready for school, grabbed smokes, went to class until lunch, and repeat... it's a wonder that I passed grade 9... that boyfriend later lit me on fire... it's been four years since then, and I'm now 18... I have a horrible second degree burn scar on my stomach and can not wear a two piece bathing suit... I learned the hard way, don't make your kids, buy them condoms and let them be open with you about sex... hell, put your daughters on birth control if you are comfortable with that...

All teenage girls have their own sexual urges that she has to deal with. In my personal opinion I find it better to find a condom filled with playdough than with sperm. But I think you should talk about the over aged boyfriend of hers. Maybe take her to get a real vibrator to be sanitary. I would suggest you go in the store for her or buy one or two online but let her pick in private (rechargeable batteries would be best it would be easier than to ask for more). Try not to limit the amount of them too much but let her have a variety so she doesn't want to do hardcore. This will help her control her urges until she is the proper age. If she still has urges, get medication for it to help her control them. Would you rather your step daughter have vibrator or have sexual intercourse? You can't stop a growing girls urges with just will power and patience.

My age: 16
Female

hi,

I'm a 17 year old girl and I masteurbate and I have been since possibly 7 or 8 years old, maybe younger, and it's nothing to be ashamed or sad of, but, let's face it, many young females are.. I even am, even though I know its pretty standard at this age. my friends have told me they have and I was shocked but that made me feel so much better. but still, I would probably die of absolute embarrassment if my mom knew (which who even knows if she does.. she possibly could lol). it's just so private, and I think that you should be quite proud of your daughter for actually doing the safest kind of sex- sex with herself. she's young and experimenting, but do not condone promiscuity and speak directly and realistically to her about sex. be an open book- you don't want a pregnant 15 year old. trust me, I know what it's like being in this generation. take my word for it good luckkk!

It boils down to one issue: why are you concerned? If it is because 'nice girls don't masturbate' then forget it!. If you are embarrassed yourself then get over it!. If you fear outside encouragement and abuse then listen to yourself - all the items were from the home. If you are concerened your little baby is growing up then join the club! If you are concerened about health then speak to your daughter. Yes her dildo could become rather grubby and covered in bacteria or yeast which could introduce infection. Maybe just leave a silicone or pyrex dildo in place of her condom/playdohher storage space for her on the basis that if she is going to do it then at least do it safely. As for the scrubber, it could cause skin damage and soreness so maybe advise agains it and if you can be a 21st centry mum give her a safe non sexual massager such as a Wahl to use instead. Remember what she is doing is not wrong but it has dangers. Protect her from the dangers not some screwed up idea of morality.

Your so stupid. Really? You gotta go snooping around your kids room? I swear if my mom took 30 min outta her life I'd surly tell her about all the horrible things I've done but unfortunately she's as ******* retarded as you and goes "snooping" around and doesn't find ****. Why? Because I don't want her to know. When your kid gets older she will be the same, if she doesn't want you to find out you simply won't.
My point, just talk to your ******* kid spend some time with her.

Um they probably did. 97% of people do at least 2 times a month