My first first date in 3 years.

Well, in a very small development, she has made an attempt to make a small amount of contact. Additionally, the ex GF is on my case about getting back together.

I'm just trying to hide from the world until my May graduation at this point. I spend my time searchng fro apartments in DC. It takes me far away from all this drama.

I pride myself on being a gentleman. My mentor is a former supervisor of mine. I sat down and talked to her about it, and she told me that she was worried that I'd lose my sensitivity from this kind of thing and that I should continue to embrace it.

One day I'll be appriciated.

Of course, the last time I really got my heart broke, about 5 years ago, I spent the summer being kind of slutty. I don't see a repeat with the whole long distance girl coupled with the pressure from the ex.

I just need a break.

T
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(DC?)

Yeah.

I'm getting ready to make a big move to the capitol. More accurately, I'm working in VA, but I plan to live in Arlington or Alexandria.

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Hey, first I want to say the thrift store date idea was awesome. Taking pictures with stupid outfits on..perfect. Nice no-cost way to have fun and connect.

It's not her fault, nor is she the "kind of girl" who put you up to anything. When you showed up, there was some initial attraction already in place from her end. It is up to YOU, to take that small bit of attraction and build more sexual tension on top of it, to where you naturally progress to the end game, whether that's a kiss, or sex...9 out of 10 times, the woman wants a guy who will take some control and lead the way.

When I was in college, there was an attractive girl I was friends with. One night, she calls me to come over to exchange backrubs. I didn't try anything other than the backrub. So it happens a few more times....I never tried anything. Finally one night I asked her to kiss me...just guess her response. Back then, I thought she was a tease. Looking back, it was my fault for not leading the progression of physical contact. And I was too nervous & scared to take any logical steps in the right direction...overcoming that is another topic in itself.

It's a juggling act. You need to continuously push buttons...pushing the flirts, and building up one small physical contact after another until kissing is just part of it, not to the point where you have to ask to hold her hand. At the same time, you have to do this without coming across as clingy.

It's push-pull. Constantly gauge her feedback from your actions. Playfully tease, how does she react...does she punch you on the arm, does she turn away? Big difference. If she punches you on the arm, pinches you, ect...you 'reward' her by returning the physical contact...then back off, tease some more, have 'normal' conversation, then push some more buttons. You need to constantly try to build sexual tension. If early in the weekend, you could have just grabbed her hand at one point...if she squeezes back, that's an indicator of interest. Then let go and tell her girls have kudies. Next time, ask her if she's good at hugs and hug her...then tell her that was a 6 out of a scale to 10. After that, you have her laughing about something(because you're being funny), lean over, point to your cheek to make her kiss it. You're at the club, drag her on the dance floor, and sell her a lapdance for a $1, all while pulling her into you...next thing the kiss is easy. Just stupid, fun sh!t that's flirty but not, "I really like you and want to kiss you" attitude. And mix in a little "you have to chase me" attitude" with your body language, actions, and conversations.

However, if while gauging her reactions, and she's cold to your small advances the whole time, then you would have just had to given up, and enjoyed your time there. Maybe start talking to other girls...if anything that could have built some jealously on her part to cause her to chase you. Either way, I hope you were leading conversations with the whole group with her there...ocassionally paying attention to her guy & girl friends to take your attention away from her.

Also, she's that far away, AND you're that into her? Seriously, you need to date multiple women until you find one that's worth your time in a relationship...not, meet one girl, not sure of her attraction to you, and get super into her all while setting yourself up to the possibility of disappointment. Especially where she's that far away.

You're scary, Slaps, scary.

And for the most part correct. He forgot to add though the moves in the game can not look manipulative. Ya gotta be able to read the girl to a void that land mine.

slappy, i gave you $5 and got no lapdance. what sort of double standards are these?!

I guess I have to reread the date. I see cowboy bar #2 and all the sleep ins as hideaway time. Talk avoidance.

Well duh, that's because the $5 was for me to wear spandex.

Uh, I wasn't arguing with the Slappy Doo Hoo tease instructions, per se, though that's just one way.

I think I'm going to draft an amendment for the bylaws of my dating rule book when it comes to bars.

WHEREAS dates should be a time for individuals, and

WHEREAS friends of either person can easily be a distraction, and

WHEREAS local venues full of people that may be familiar with either person.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED THAT dates should not end in a place where either person is surrounded by peers.

FURTHER BE IT RESOLVED THAT attendance at a country bar requires a unanimous vote from both individuals.

Respectfully submitted,

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Well said, TeeKay.

I'ld like to post up some photos form the weekend. any suggestions on hosting sites that A2K will let me link to?

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Most, I think.


Imageshack, for example.


Er...if its people, you're sure they're ok with it and all?????


Of course you are....you're a gentle-diest.

Hmmm.

After some long thought, I've decided to veto the photos. At least here. She told me she wants them on my facebook page, so I'll put them there sometime.

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Well friends, sad news. I talked to her. She "isn't interested in having a boyfriend."

Don't worry ladies, I know what this means in code.

I thought I was prepared for this answer. I wasn't. Rejection sucks on all levels, even small ones.

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I am not sure this has anything to do with you, TKO.

Of course it might, in which case, I dunno. Had you followed Slappy's moves d'jour (I don't know french, please fix spelling), would you be better off? I read her as immature, with some sympathy to her re the fact of immaturity.

But, as I see it, don't go chalking this up as some kind of big loss.
Stop picking twits.

No, no, I didn't say that.

What I will say, is, don't think less of yourself.

Ya, you rolled big (four days on one! girl) and you crapped out. Rolling big is respectable, getting mopey about not being successful is not. Maybe you picked poorly, I don't know, but everyone agrees that you have good moves. The question is were you too passive? If so that can be fixed.

Some people (me for one) say that dating is all about trying to sell yourself to the one you want. Good salesmen are always trying to close the deal. I think you had a great presentation (planned date) but that you never tried to close, you never went in for the kill.

Not winning the girl, or at least some good sex, sucks. Learn what you can and See if you can do better next time. You have a lot to be proud about this time though.

and I question that he should have.

Practice in the face of non interest? Nah. I might have to work up a soliquy re the concept of "he's, or she's" practice. Not that you suggested that, indeed I don't remember, but it has come up fairly often recently on a2k.

Hawkeye, you and I will agree often and disagree often, I predict. On this matter, I think learning to be smart is useful, but that one doesn't enter all the best relationships as Mr. or Ms. Smart. I trust we disagree.

I hate that I'm mopey. I don't like it one bit. I can let go of her, and be resolved about it, but it's the rest of my life which has now become confusing.

I am in limbo. I am in a state of existance prior to a big move. Being single for any amount of time isn't terrible, but being in limbo for any amount of time feels insane. I live in a place that is 75-80% male, and I'm not very hot on the market with the fact I'm moving. I'd really just like someone to go out and get a drink with, but that seems to hard to find.

I feel altogether helpless to change my imediate situation. I feel I won't be able to change anything until after my move.

Grrr. I hate feeling pathetic.

I'd like to be at peace with being alone, but it's hard when I feel like that is out of my control. I'm sure that is a natural feeling, but I still don't like it.

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