Hi Destiny.
You are recieving good advice here. You need to listen.
In your opening post you said...
Quote:As for me, I have no more hope to live for. I had a tough life from childhood...big family with me feeling always neglected. As I go to school and college, it's the same. I am never good enough no matter how I try.
In my family, I have the worse looks and teeth and just not the favorite of either my mom or dad or aunt or other sisters itself. I do all sort of housework and extras to get the attention of my family members. But yet, I am never the first they remember.
In school and college, I was always nominated but always never get elected for important roles. Even in terms of education, I study really hard but I'm always the second position...over the years.
In a nutshell, I'm always the first loser for all things that matters to me. I'm tired of living. The only hope I had was this man I met who gave me some light of living. Now...that's probably going too. I'm again the first loser compared to his wife.
Now yu are saying
Quote:Why dun I have a choice? Why can't I have what I want at anytime in this life? All I had ever ever wished for is to settle down and have a family.
Since young...that's all I ever wanted. Am I to settle for less yet again in life? Is that too much to ask for? I have to accept the reality now that I've missed it and failed myself again.
I really dun see the point in life...I really dun.
Many times, I dun see who would miss me when I'm gone...I can't think of anyone. Life goes on for everyone else...I dun mean a thing to anyone..not even myself.
IF you didn't mean anything to yourself, you wouldn't be in pain right now. Pain is your souls way of saying that you need to grow, that you need to make changes in your life and your way of thinking. Pain is your "self" crying out to you to think and act differently because your thoughts and actions are in conflict with what your "self" or soul really wants and needs.
Believe me, you have no claim to being the only one that has been the least perfect child in a large family. You have no claim to being the one constantly overlooked, or working hard and not getting the credit deserved, or always being second best. There are millions that have walked in your shoes, including myself. You are trying to claim to be a victim, but you aren't a victim at the hands of others. You are doing exactly what you want to do in order to BE the victim.
Your soul or "self" is tired of your way of thinking. It's tired of being second best when it knows it is number 1!!! That's why you are in pain.
Why do you like being the victim? What does it get you? What benefit do you get from it? Does it allow you to not have to work as hard? Does it get you sympathy? Does it allow you to put responsibility for not being your best on others? (Kind of like "destiny." Claiming destiny or fate is at work means you are totally not resposnible for what is happening in your life when in fact you are completely in control.)
Can you see that by claiming a married man is your soul mate / destiny for six years you were NOT taking responsibility for your actions? Can you see that YOU set yourself up for certain failure from the start? Can you see that YOU, not destiny put yourself in second place?
Figure out why you continue to want to be a victim. What do you get out of it?
For today, all day, you need to stop listening to that little guy sitting on your shoulder telling you that you are worthless, won't be missed, will always be alone, etc. EVERY time you hear a thought like that coming into your head today I want you to reach up and flick that creeps little butt right off your shoulder. He has no idea what he's talking about. He's a fool.
Then laugh. Yes, laugh even if it's forced and you really don't feel like it. Laugh even if it's only inside. And, replace the negative thoughts with good thoughts about yourself even if you don't believe them right now.
Your soul mate is YOU. Your destiny is what YOU make it.
Now chin up, girl. What are you going to do today for your self?
