Is there such thing as destiny and soulmates?

Hang in there Destiny. It takes time.

Destiny--

We're here if you need to vent.

Hi there. It's been over a week since the last posting. I'm still in major pain.

Everything in my life now seem to have come crashing down on me.

At work, it's a very crucial time of the quarter and I'm majorly stressed out to achieve targets and are being questioned by my management on my current performance on handling situations.

On the family side, found out on Monday my niece of age 6 had been admitted to the hospital and is currently in ICU. They are about half the world away and all we can rely on is calls and sms. She was born the time I started my affair with the married man and many times before I look at her and it marks the time which I thot how great it was to meet him. Now when she's in danger, it makes me think how much I could've been with her before when their family was visiting us.

Can't help but question myself what have I done with me? My life? I feel so alone and I feel that I no longer know what to do. I've always put all I had at work and now even that area is being challenged and I wonder if I was wrong to put so much into that with nothing left on my personal side?

Instead of getting to know the more available ppl back then, I was hanging around ppl at work and mostly attached. What mattered then was to know ppl I will and can work with. I never really thought of going out to meet someone for myself to start a life hence I never did.

Now, I look around and I'm all alone. I kinda regret what I've done and I just dunno what to do with me at the moment. There has been thots of resigning and hide away from the usual ppl I hang our with for awhile hopefully I can find myself and know what I want to do with me.

Some of my friends have asked me to go back to church, some have said to believe in a religion and have faith. But I believe, I really need to find what I want with myself first.

The last 4 days have been the worst ever. I've been sleeping about 3 hours everynite. Too many thots on my mind but at the same time I can feel it's my emotions coming in. Too may different directions thots were going I can't feel the strength in me. I can't seem to find anyone to support me.

This morning as I was lying in bed...I wish there was someone to just give me a warm loving hug to say everything will be fine and that I am a strong woman who will be able to handle the current challenges.

The trouble with putting most of yourself into work is that it is mostly mission, very little connection. accomplishing the mission is wonderfull for the ego, but is not much food for the soul. Unless your mission is ending hunger, world peace, curing a deasese and such, work alone is not likely to leave you feeling like you made good use of your time alive.

Ok, so you miscalculated...you recalibrate, regroup and try again. What does the heart want? Feed the soul a little something, you'll feel much better then.

But what does the soul feed on?

I'm trying hard to go out with friends to avoid going into depression. Actually I just wanna hide myself from everything and everyone but I know that's not a solution. Yet...how do I get out of this?

Many times as I go out and observe ppl, I feel even more depressed looking at what a failure I have been. I wonder why do I live many times.

What do you love? What ever it is, find a way to do more of it. If you don't know, experiment. If you have a job that takes 60+ hours a week you might consider finding the way to a less demanding job over the next few years so as to free some time up. Find a way to put you first a bit of the time, not always what others want you to do.

BTW- you only fail if you don't learn from the experience...if you do its a lesson. Besides, you have lots of company. My wife for instance was a workaholic, twenty years later after some setbacks a light bulb goes off. It is never too late.

Yeah, what Hawkeye said.

DestinyBeliever--

Hang on. Change is painful.

Church may not provide you with Illuminating Spiritual Answers, but it would provide opportunities for socializing and practicing how to be Single Again.

You haven't been a Failure--you've been a Damn Fool--and we've all made Damn Fools of ourselves at one time or another.

The hardest times for me is when I'm in bed or when I wake up...still thinking of the times with him. I stop myself consciencely but I know in my heart I still yearn for the affection and love of a man.

I feel so alone, unloved and lonely. Watching shows on tv also makes me feel depressed and I feel as if I've just lost all directions in life. I also fear growing old and dying alone. Perhaps I should explore being a single mother either by adopting or having my own.

I know it takes time, but isn't there a faster way of recovery? I can't work or live like this.

I honestly want to resign and go into isolation for awhile but is that a good idea? With the economy slowly going down and talks of retrenchment, I'm worried that may not be the best of plan.

What do I love to do? Nothing really..I really dun have much hobby or interest. Currently, I play pool but that's about it...been doing alot of that for the last 2 months now.

DestinyBeliever--

The winter is half over. The days are getting longer.

How much exercise are you getting?

Sick animals huddle in a corner to conserve their fading strength. Obviously you don't feel particularly social right now, but if you're hiding away like a sick animal, your body is going to start believing that something is wrong.

Can you find ten minutes every day for a walk? Outside is good, but if the weather is vile and you spend ten minutes climbing up and down the fire stairs in your office building, this is also good.

First off, snap that thought out of your head that he was the "perfect" guy. Your perfect guy wouldn't have had an affair while married. He would have done the same thing to you.

You need to realize you're not emotionally going through anything unique, and that your life is not that bad. You're just convincing yourself of it. There are people far worse off than you, and plenty of people have gone through the same things as you.

You can either sit in the corner and do nothing, or you can motivate yourself to do something that makes you happier. Stop with the "woe is me" attitude, and do something to build your confidence. Nobody can tell you exactly what to do, but there's some good ideas, especially excercise. Join a gym, go get a makeover, join some social groups, take an improv class, ect. Push yourself.

I try and hang on to the idea 'be kind'. Even if its just one thought or one comment to someone, anyone. It helps me to think outside myself, and takes me back to the fundamentals of life.

Would that it were so that the power of positive thinking and hitting the gym did the trick here, and i am Zen so I am fully aware of the power of both, but whatever is going on with you is more profound than all that.

Pain is your friend here, it is telling you that something is wrong, and when it starts to go away on its own you will know that you are on the right track. Generally, putting your effort into lessening the symptom (pain) is a bad idea. Pain is what will drive you to change and it will also point the way to solutions, and without pain figuring out what is the right solution for you is difficult. That said however, at two points you must manage the pain. The first is if it incapacitates you, the second if you begin to feel that you could harm yourself or others. I went through a very painful period during my early twenties, it was incapacitating me, and I settled on self medication, mostly POT but also coke, hash and acid. I do not recommend illegal drugs because the legal drugs are better, the point is that if exercise and mind control don't take enough of the edge off there are the chemicals. There is also therapy.

I don't know what is going on with you. I do know that you feel empty-alone-unloved, you are a workaholic, you don't think that you are good enough and you chose a man who is unavailable. I also you that you are currently in a lot of pain, which can only mean that something big is going on with you.

I also know that your situation is by no mean hopeless. Many people have been through traumatic painful periods in their lives and they come out the other end much more aware of their strength and living a much more rich life than would have ever been the case with out the trauma and pain. This is why guys like me can say that pain is your friend, tell you "don't despair". That is why people who have healed from childhood sexual abuse will tell you that they are not sorry that it ever happened. Listen to yourself, use that well honed brain of yours to assist you in becoming whole. I said somewhere else that solutions are fully a function of the boundaries of your imagination......all of that work you put into training your brain for school and for business can and will be turned to doing something much more important...creating a healthy, happy you.

Step one: follow your bliss...what do you love?

I am trying to push myself. I believe many ppl have lives probably far worst then me and I am appreciative but what use is my life in all it's good form when it's not going anywhere? Can I give my years away to someone who have more contributions to others?

I do exercise. Minimum 3 times a week on stretching and warms ups before work and once or twice a week brisk walking or jogging at the park.

What is my bliss? Currently I've not figured that yet. I know that I'm low on the esteem side because I felt that I've failed myself. I trusted what my intuition was and all I put my all into it. But instead of a netting there to catch me...I fell right thru smacked on my face and all bruises everywhere. I have a trust issue with myself and almost everyone around me...I suspect them and can't help but think what is it in for them to tell me this or pose as if they are helping me?

I know I will recover but meanwhile what am I to do when I do recover, what do I do while I recover?

I need to know what I want of me and what makes me happy. Currently I dun have a clue...I really don't. What I know is that I dun like doing things alone either do I like doing things with too big a crowd. And I get bored easily...things have to keep changing for me.

I enjoy working out but I also find it no fun to do alone..at times. I've been going to the gym alone for a number of years actually but after awhile, I decided to go jog in the park instead of going to an indoor gym.

I got a chuckle out of this...I've certainly seen a number of posts from people who offer opinions based not on your needs, but on their moral perspective / their prejudices etc.

Still, it's almost impossible to keep personal philosophy/perspective out of a forum answer - often even the type of questions we ask (while trying to help others) is rooted in our own person philosophies.



Keep the end goal in mind, take one step at a time, acknowledge and reward your growth along the way? And know it will get better...

(see what I mean about personal philosophies?)

See how you claim that you don't have a clue, and then you roll right over and start talking about things that get you excited and things that don't? You have clues. eventually you will find things that you not only like but love, and in the process of finding these things you will if you pay attention figure out what makes you tick. once you get that far you will rarely or never majority mess up your life again so long as you stay true to what you know about yourself.

I think a lot of people of a certain age got screwed-up with the brain washing "if you dream it it will happen" What utter BS. You gotta do the work, you gotta master yourself before you can master the world around you well enough to make your dreams come true.

Don't worry about not trusting people just yet, they can't help you right now anyway. You have to do this by yourself and for yourself.

Excellent post hawkeye!

I remember the days when I use to try everything to try and remove that same kind of pain your having, but then I realized, after enough of those experiences, that time was the only thing that took that pain away, so I stopped trying so hard to fight it.
I'm hurting right now over a man I can't have as well, but I just let myself hurt and I know that it will eventually pass.

There are some things that help a little, which is pampering myself. I treat myself with things I enjoy whenever I can and as much as I can.

I wish we could wish our pain away, but since we can't, we just need to ride it out until it finally passes.

I've had more times in my life where I've felt hopeless with pain, thinking I would never recover from it, but then I did recover and I learned that this pain would not haunt me for the rest of my life. Now I know that it'll pass and I just let it take it's course without trying so desperately to bury it.

Hawkeye covered all the bases where pain is concerned and I agree completely that this pain helps us learn and to become stronger.

I have major trust issues as well and maybe I always will, but one person I know I can always depend on is myself.

Best of luck to you Destiny.

Thank you fellow traveler.

BTW- the way I deal with the trust issue is that I give everybody one shot..I will assume that each person is worthy of my trust until they prove otherwise. On very rare occasions i will give somebody two. Most people prove to be unworthy of this trust, and i get hurt, but I am always going to be ok. The only person who gets more is my wife, but then love is divine madness, so what can i say about that!

I'm pretty much the same way, but since I'm not married, it's my mother that gets the "more" trust.

Destiny, have you a read a little best-seller book by Elizabeth Gilbert entitled "Eat, Pray, Love?" I believe it would be extremely helpful for you.
Soul mates are around us to expose our problems, teach us lessons...

32 is not old!