dant wrote:But JPB, you say here that 'us kids worked through it'. That implies a desire you and your siblings had to work things out. My bother doesn't want to. He won't even contact me to see how I was after major surgery. What kind of brother is that? Yes, there are two sides to every story. I said things that should have been said a long time ago; he can't handle truth too well, being a spoiled brat all his life. He's said hurtful things to me many times in the past but I let them go. This time he got it back full force and mommy wasn't there to smooth things out for him. I've kept a copy of the letter I wrote him and in reading it again, there isn't one thing I would rewrite or remove. I'm afraid it's a standoff. And that's ok.
BTW I'm glad you worked things out in your family! That's wonderful when all sides want a solution. Was it a process that took years? Did one of you initiate it?
Neither, really. My mother's death was a surprise. We all adored her but didn't think much of the rest of the troop. In fact, we tended to avoid each other. As we gathered for her funeral and to clean out her house we each went out of our way to swallow whatever bitterness and bile that would historically creep into all of our conversations. We did it for her, even though she wasn't there (or maybe she was). At the end of a long week someone noticed that we'd managed to be in the same time and place for more than a few hours without taking the gloves off - a first. We decided to get together the following year to honor her memory. What began as a memorial has become an annual sibling reunion. We gather for a long weekend (three or four days is still our limit of good behavior) and keep in touch throughout the year.
Dant, you're entitled to whatever feelings you have. I'm not trying to tell you otherwise. Only that you first posed a question on a dilemma about not being able to forgive your brother.
dant wrote:The point of all this rambling is that I cannot forgive brother for this behavior. This is my only sibling. I have received no apology from him or his wife; we barely spoke to one another at her funeral. I guess what pisses me off the most is that he didn't even talk to me before he nearly wiped out her account, he just took it like he was entitled or something. Should I have it out with him again? Or just let things sit? His wife is behind much of this. What to do?
It seems to me that the current situation is a concern for you. I don't get the sense that you're ok with the way things are. Yes, it will take both of you to move beyond your current relationship, or it will take some effort to really let go of the anger you're carrying. I too have carried deep bitterness and I know how much energy its takes away from what could be positive enterprises. I hope you find a way to do one or the other.
