Major family feud

Hi A2K'ers,

I am new to this forum. Looks like lots of interesting subjects.

I don't see one about this problem, although I am sure it's come up before somewhere.

A few years ago, our elderly mom was placed in a nursing home. I had been in charge of her checkbook for a number of years and never spent a dime that wasn't approved by her or for her. She knew this and appreciated it.

A couple of years ago I had to give the monies - via the checkbook- over to my sibling because I had to move from the area. Husband got transferred. Said sibling assured me that he would take care of her money and 'if you can't trust family you can't trust anyone'. He seemed solid financially, so I looked him in the eye and handed it over.

Well, lo and behold, I get the bank statement a few months later and sibling had relieved my mom of over 1/2 her money! This money was supposed to be kept in place FOR HER use, to take care of whatever needs she had, like getting a good dentist for her which sibling didn't bother with, or whatever she needed to make her comfortable. I went ballistic and phoned & asked what the hell he thought he was doing. He says he asked mom and mom was ok with letting him have the money, which he used to buy a motorcycle! Now, mom had dementia and was not able to care for herself at all (why she was in skilled nursing facility). Asking her for money was like asking a child. And he knew it.

I took the next plane and demanded that my brother be required to have two signatures on the checks, one being mine, before he (or we) could cash them. I should have done this in the first place but I never thought he could be so low to do this. Ended up that I took back the checkbook completely (with the 2 sigs required, which was what I wanted) and kept a tight rein on what was left. He said he'd pay back what he took; never has. Mom was worried about her money and actually mentioned it to me a year before she died. I didn't tell her what he did, but I did tell her not to worry about it. She seemed relieved to know that I had the financial reins again.

Sadly, mom died in 2006 (creepy sibling could have waited just a year he would have gotten his lousy approx 1/2 the money anyway). I really railed on my sibling and let him know what I thought of him and his wife a year before mom died. Found out that his wife had used quite a bit of cash for her custom kitchen. I did this by letter, I was so angry at what he had done and how he had scammed me & mom. He let me know that 'when mom dies it won't be an expensive affair'. Excuse me? I am the eldest and that is my decision as well, not his. He was resentful in years past at my giving mom and dad a 50th wedding anniversary party, which wasn't expensive and was paid for by me - and also resented money he had to come up with for mom's 80th birthday party! It was a family/old friends affair at the assisted living building where she lived and was not 'expensive', just a cake, etc. Not a huge event with a hundred people at all. Just something to make her smile. Why would he resent her having these events? Mom was a loving, sweet person and I can't believe she raised this spoiled person.

The point of all this rambling is that I cannot forgive brother for this behavior. This is my only sibling. I have received no apology from him or his wife; we barely spoke to one another at her funeral. I guess what pisses me off the most is that he didn't even talk to me before he nearly wiped out her account, he just took it like he was entitled or something. Should I have it out with him again? Or just let things sit? His wife is behind much of this. What to do?