Should Potential M-I-L Step In?

He's not nearly as independent as I wish he was. Yes, he's working and living on his own with his girlfriend.

This applies to most of the people I see around me....

I think it's pretty clear that you'd like to get involved in this.

cjhsa's analysis is making more sense all the time.

~~~

Does the woman in the equation call you, keep in touch, ask for your input on anything? Your earlier posts don't suggest this - more that you once had a decent relationship.

If she was interested in your input, she'd likely have been in touch.

I hear ya. But that would be ridiculous and highly presumptuous.

I want you guys to know that although I started this thread on a jones for grandkids, that is not what this is all about. I'm watching two people who I care about jerk each other around. And my stepson wants to talk with me about it. Sure, I could tell him that I don't want to hear about it anymore and I've thought about that, putting pressure on him to DO SOMETHING, but the fact that he chooses to share it with me is flattering in itself and I appreciate our relationship. I'm not looking to shut it down.

But, it may be coming to a head anyway. I spoke with him last night and guess what? She called late Monday night, just to say 'goodnight' and he knew that it was yet another booty call and didn't answer. He spoke with her yesterday and told her just what I told him a few weeks ago. That after being together for two years, breaking up but still hooking up for another two years, it was time for them to either get married or leave each other alone for good.

He never made it clear to me just how she responded. He seemed to say that she hemmed and hawed but never really responded at all. This is why he feels that she's playing games with him, not saying yes, not saying no, and he's still too weak for her to demand anything like a definitive answer.

So, what do you all think of that? Is she playing him?

I didn't mean that in a derogatory way eoe.. maybe inserted would have been a better term....oops.. freudian slip

you are the nastiest thing.

Not so much "like" to but feel that it may be necessary, as a voice of reason. But no, she has not been in contact with me. She knows how close my step and I are. It would really be foolish for her to try and stay in touch with me. About as foolish as if I'd tried to stay in contact with her after they split up. Now that's what I'd call unsuitable behavior.

I'll tell you one thing though. If she had been in contact with me, this mess would have been resolved by now.

Not necessarily though, eoe. That's what DrewDad was getting at too, I think. I completely understand, I have the same sort of personality -- I see a problem, I want to fix it! But this kind of stuff doesn't take well to fixing by an outside party. If you were able to do all the things you want to be able to do, there still aren't any guarantees that things would work out the way you want them to. Just more likely that you'd be frustrated and that everyone else would be mad at you.

I don't think I have the power to fix anything Soz. I'm just talking advice. The woman just might appreciate some but if she chooses to ignore me, what the hell could I do about that? Nothing. If he chooses to ignore me, same thing. But I'm thinking that maybe they could use it. I don't know who she's talking to. Her girlfriends? Her mother? (who's not a big fan of my step. And rightly so but that's another story) But he's listening and that's good. That was made obvious to me when he repeated to her the words I'd said to him. He is listening and processing.

Well, I was responding to this:



That sounds like you think you could have fixed it, given the chance.

only around here. In real life I'm Ward Cleaver.

Wolf cookies. That's all.

Stepson just got word today that he's getting a generous raise next year. He's very happy about it but believe it or not, last year his raise was somewhat bittersweet for him. I remember it like yesterday, he and I were sitting in the kitchen and he laughed kinda sadly and commented that he was finally earning enough to support a family. Ten years ago, maybe even five years ago he wasn't.

What movie was it with the line "Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with"? I think that's how he feels.

Aww.

Sounds like there might be some sort of maturation process going on with him, though...

"Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with"

I wouldn't mind pulling him aside to have a little chit chat with him about this quote, however.

My greatest successes in my life was when I was without love. To me, success and love are 2 different things.

But when you are successful in an endeavor of any kind, it's nice to have someone to share that success with whether it's earning a fat raise or snagging a new account or losing ten pounds. I've been on both sides of that fence too. I completely understood where he was coming from.

If you have success and you happen to make a wrong choice in love, that success can also be ripped right out from under you.

Not to sound negative, just putting it out there.

If he told her he was ready to settle down and it's not what she wants, the only thing he can do is let her go or continue the way things are.

Yep. Those are his options.

It'll be ok ((((((((eoe)))))))).


<deep breaths>

Eoe--

Hold your domionion.