Should Potential M-I-L Step In?

Life is too short for "doing always the right thing". What's wrong with
playing match maker?

If I were in your shoes, eoe, I'd call her up. There is nothing wrong
with having a great lunch together, and feel her out along the way.
I also trust your sensitivity level to say the right things to her, and
act objective enough to not make her feel uncomfortable.

If she's interested in getting back together, you could help with another
family dinner, if she is not interested, you could help your stepson
jump the hurdle and close this door behind him. Either way, you'll
help them both to see things clearer.

doesn't it seem that your previous invitation did not work out for them?

I'd say leave 'em alone. They're grown-ups. She does not seem to be seeking you out as someone to talk to.

Leave well enough alone.

~~~

And really, it's their business.

~~~

My personal instinct would be to tell your stepson that you don't want to hear any more about it. You don't need the drama that isn't going anywhere. That might help shock him into smartening up about her and their ongoing "messiness".

I'd agree that it didn't work if they hadn't been together since then but they have been so maybe it worked and maybe it didn't.



I've thought about that too. If he wants to stop playing games, take it to the ultimate level, maybe he should just flat-out propose, huh?

Or maybe he should get on with his life and leave her alone.

They might both benefit from that.

If he didn't have you to talk to about this ... (guys don't usually talk about this stuff with other guys) he might realize that he needs to move on. Wallowing isn't as much fun if there's no one to fuss about it.

hmmm....I remember bitching for years about a boyfriend until I knew, without being told, that everyone was tired of hearing about it. Although I wasted another year with him, I did stop bending everyone's ear about it.

I wish he would move on. Or she moved on. Someone needs to make a move.

As we get older, IMO, there is a need for normalcy, for having things go on a peaceful, steady basis. It is uncomfortable when we see someone that we love unsettled. What might be high drama when we are young, just becomes a nagging annoyance as we age.

My son was divorced for over eleven years. I really thought that he would never marry again. I was content with that, because his first wife put him through the wringer. All through his life, since he was a teenager, he had the tendency of choosing women who were really nutjobs. They were "exciting" to him.

He is now married, has a stable, peaceful existence, and is blissfully happy with a wife who adores him. And all this, without my help!!!

I say leave your stepson alone. He is an adult. You certainly don't want to regret him having made a terrible mistake because of your pushing.

You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

Threaten to find a young, gorgeous man to throw at him....

Please.
Out of my husbands' three kids, the oldest is the only straight one. I've told the other two that being gay does not let them off the hook either, though. Lots and lots of gay people are adopting now and I just heard a few months back that a friend of mine in NYC, gay, had a biological child with a lesbian couple so, it's open season. There's all kinds of ways to satisfy potential grandmas and grandpas.

Another one chiming in with a NO, don't do it!

Poor eoe!

You're right, you're right, i know you're right.

(Mother in Law) Mother In Law
(Mother in Law) Mother In Law

The worst person I know
(Mother-in law, mother-in law)
(Mother-in law, mother-in law)
A she worries me, so
If she'd leave us alone
A we would have a happy home
Sent from down below

Mother in Law Mother in Law

Satan should be her name
To me they're bout the same
Every time I open my mouth
She steps in, tries to put me out
How could she stoop so low

I come home with my pay
She asks me what I made
She thinks her advice is the constitution
But if she would leave that would be the solution
And don't come back no more

Mother in law
My......mother in law, ah
....oh yeah

I may be in the minority, but if stepson agrees a Ladies' Lunch dedicated to finding out what is going on still seems like a good idea.

Eoe wouldn't be throwing them together--she'd be clarifying the situation.

There you go. That's all I'm trying to do. Help these two reach some clarity. I believe in letting people live their lives and staying out of another's personal affairs. That's where my indecisiveness comes in because although I have great respect for handling your own ****, I can't stand to watch people, especially people that I care about, fumbling and bumbling around with their lives. For years. Unable to get out of their own way.

No, you cannot stand to not get your hands dirty in the mess.

Stay away.

Excuse me? Do you know me?

You do realize you are posting a question on the Internet?

Very much so. And you realize, of course, that no matter how many posts, you don't really know anyone here, right?

cjhsa, why, oh why are you such a brat?

eoe, I hear you. It's tough, really tough sometimes, to stay out of other people's issues, but the questions I ask myself before taking any action are:

1. Why am I really doing this (or wanting to)?

2. Who's going to benefit, if anyone?

3. Is it really "necessary"?

4. What will happen if I don't interfere?

5. "What's it all about, Alfie? or "Who Wrote the Book of Love?" (answers: I don't know, and I don't know)

Usually the answers to one (or more) of the above stop me from making a nuisance of myself. I generally find it's best if I stay the heck out of it. Not that I have a lot of problems, but I have my own stuff to live with, never mind anyone else's, y'know?