He Hit Me

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We have been married for 8 years. We have two daughters. Our marriage has not been hot and heavy...ever. We stopped having sex 7 1/2 years ago because I stopped initiating it. The only times we had sex was when we were trying to make a baby. He has always been very nice to me. If you met him you would think that he was the nicest man in the world. I have talked to him about the lack of sex in our life. Several year ago, he started to take Viagra the very few times we had sex.

Again, 5 months ago, I told him that I thought our relationship was not right because we were not intimate. He cried and told me he loved me. But, still no sex. He is a great father, so I stayed...even though I don't feel like I am really living my life.

By the way he is a Doctor.

He prescribed some pills for me because I asked him to...to help me loose weight.

This past weekend, my family came to town - including family from out of the country. They commented on how great I looked. When I was not around he told my Father, in front of everyone else, that I was taking diet pills against his advise. HE WROTE ME THE PRESCRIPTION.

When my family asked me about it, I lied and said "no diet drugs". Who wants to tell everyone that they are taking diet pills?

The next day, when I realized that he had betrayed my confidence by telling my family I was taking diet drugs I was really mad. Doesn't he, as my prescribing doctor, have a responsibility to me to keep things confidenntial? Shouldn't he, as a husband, respect my privacy.

I was so mad that I brought up the situation about him taking Viagra. I told him that him telling people I was taking diet drugs is the same as me telling people that he takes Viagra. I was so pissed.

He told me that the reason we don't have sex is because I am a bitch. And then, this man, who barely even raises his voice, starts hitting me. And I don't mean once.

He kicked me after I fell. He slapped me. He punched me on my body.

Then he said he was going to make sure I did my wifely duties and tried to rape me. In the end, he was unsuccessful...I think mostly because I could not stop crying.

I don't know what to do.

If a week ago, someone had told me that he was capable of this, I would not have believed them.

I know that the things I said were mean, but, did I deserve this?

I can't tell anyone.

I am so embarrassed.

I don't believe in divorce.

What should I do?

I can't even look at him.

We are staying in separate bedrooms.

The morning after he hit me, he tried to act like nothing happened. I don't think I can ever forget how I felt when I was on the ground and he was kicking me.

Even though him and I have problems, I have never discussed them with anyone. I alway tell people how wonderful our marraige is. Most of my girlfriends turn to me for help on how to revive their relationships. I alway make up stories about how we "make it work"

Please help me.

Who did I marry?

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this is exactly the sort of reason why divorce exists. you say you don't believe in it, what if it was someone else?

not that these things can't be worked on, but not from where you are now. mind you, i'd be out by now, and for good, if i was in your situation, but this is also why they have women's shelters.

i'd find one, and take the kids there until this is sorted out. and don't trust him when he puts a good face on things. no matter how nice he seems, if he won't admit things, if he blames his actions on other people, he's not okay yet.

and as i mentioned, i wouldn't hold out for "yet" to ever come. time to find a good lawyer, is what i think. you better believe that he'll have one, no matter what he says about that.

p.s. you can't afford not to tell anyone. you *need* to find some people you can tell.

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What was it that made him flip like this on me? He does not even raise his voice at me most of the time.

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you might not be able to figure that out right now, but it's *not* your fault, and it's not even important right now.

all that matters right now, is the well-being of yourself and your children. that's what you need to tend to at the moment. when you have taken care of that, and you're trying to fit the past few years together into something coherent, then bring that up here and we'll go over that. better yet, find out with a professional. (some of them are quite stupid, so maybe you'll have no luck there, but it's almost certainly worth trying first.)

i spend a lot of time arguing that reason isn't the only useful kind of thinking. emotions are very useful in gathering data to be used later by reason.

but people are still right when they say that emotions can prevent reasonable thinking. what i mean is, you're probably going to be too upset to figure it all out right now, and that's natural. figuring it all out will wait. for now, just tend to your safety. for that matter, don't expect to be able to figure this all out right now, even if you're perfectly calm.

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The man definitely has issues. He needs to figure out what they are and if he can change. In the meantime, get away from him, whether you go to a shelter or to a relative's or friend's house. I was in a situation like yours. Once they hit you, it won't stop unless there is counseling - and probably long-term counseling at that. Take care of yourself and your kids or you could end up dead (as I almost did).

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Lawyer??? She needs to go the states attorney and have sexual assault charges filed against this monster. He doesn't belong in a separate bedroom. He belongs in a jail cell!

Please, get help fast!!!

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Pack and overnight bag for yourself and one for your kids. Grab the car keys, your purse and the ATM card and get out of the house.

This relationship is looking very toxic from where I'm sitting. Do you really want to play Russian Roulette like this?

See, here's the thing: by prescribing you the drugs himself, then telling your family all about it, the guy's already proven that ethics don't really mean that much to him. And now he's hit you. You honestly think he's good for a promise, spoken or implied, that he will never, ever do that again?

He will. And it will be worse, because he will have seen what you can take and will go farther. Would you like to be one of those women who wears sunglasses and heavy makeup in order to cover up a black eye? Would you enjoy telling your doctor some cockamamie story about why your arm is broken because you don't want to say that your husband twisted it until the bone cracked? Would you be interested in telling your dentist a lie about biting into a hard candy and losing a tooth, rather than the truth, that it came out because of a hard slap? Want to miscarry (if you become pregnant again) because you were kicked in the abdomen? How about wearing turtlenecks in hot weather so that you don't have to explain to someone why there's a hand print on your neck -- from him trying to choke you?

No? Then go, and understand that you've got to get out, and you've got to tell someone, or else any or even all of those scenarios could come true. Plus, what about your children? Do you want them to hear you begging to not be hit again? Or your screams of pain and fear? Want them to see your husband raise a hand to you, or take off his belt and whip you with it? Want your children to grow up thinking that women are for beating and men are for putting them in their place? That the way you work out a relationship issue is with bloodshed or with silently allowing pain? And, if beating you doesn't give your husband satisfaction, don't you at least want to be strong enough to make sure he doesn't try this with your children?

Divorce may or may not be in your future. Personally, I think it's the acme of foolishness to want to stay married to someone who hits just because you "don't believe in divorce". Even staunch Catholic couples will get an annulment if there is abuse -- talk to your clergyman if it's a religious objection, and I'm sure you'll be told something rather similar to what we're telling you.

Get.Out.Today.

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read what jespah just wrote.

then pack.

Joe(now)Nation

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I agree with all the other people who have posted. As a doctor, to discuss what he has prescribed, to other people, even if they are relatives, is not only unethical, but illegal.

It sounds to me that this man has a lot of issues that he has bottling up over the years. Whatever it was, it finally came out, and the result was the battering. One this has happened, it WON'T STOP. Get out, while you can.

As far as divorce is concerned, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a wife beater?

Quote:

Even though him and I have problems, I have never discussed them with anyone. I alway tell people how wonderful our marraige is. Most of my girlfriends turn to me for help on how to revive their relationships. I alway make up stories about how we "make it work"

I think that there were probably signs along the way. You have not been completely honest with yourself, or your friends. I think that you need to find a mental health professional to help you work through your own difficulties.

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Agreeing with Jes and Joe. This will only get worse and you must protect yourself and your kids from the day when he goes totally mad.

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I'm probably going to get jumped on for saying this, so I'll just state it and dodge out.

You don't communicate like any wife of a doctor I've ever met. They are either physicians themselves or some other professional. If they are stay at home moms, they are very savy of the options available to them.

Also, your choice of words seems off. Not as articulate as the wife of a physician would be.

But....I could be totally wrong.

ok, I'll leave now.

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Lets accept her as she communicates. One must agree that shes in a potentially hazardous relationship. My neighbor is a successful psychiatrist and he has a "trophy" wife about half his age . She's a knockout in her DAisy Dukes, but is abaout as well read as my catahoula.

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Agreeing with others, once he's started this he won't stop it by himself. You asked what could make him flip like this... I wonder, if he takes Viagra, what else does he take?

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Good point.

There could also be some deep shame of some kind -- that he can't "be a man," and your comments triggered it -- or maybe there's something deeper yet, like he's actually gay. It sounds like you come from a rather conservative milieu (as in, that there could be more shame and denial about that, if it's the case, than in other circumstances).

Those are idle musings though and your case calls for something much more concrete. I agree, you need to get moving. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

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Thanks for turning this into a conversation about my writing skills.

I am sorry if you have some preconcieved notions about a person's writing skills. I may not be a good writer, but it may be difficult to write about your down when you can not stop crying. Especially, with a 2 yr old pullin at you arms.

As I said, I don't talk about my husband or family to anyone and I turned to this forum just to unload my heart.

I hope I was able to articulate myself properly.

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You were.

Are you packed yet?

JN

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Momof2--

Welcome to A2K.

Evidently you did not marry the man you thought you married.

Unfortunately while he is humiliated by his sexual disfunction and ashamed of taking Viagra, he's choosing to blame you rather than trying to solve the problem.

When a man decides that his problems are due to his wife being a bitch and that because she is a bitch he is entitled to mistreat her physically....

Everything is out in the open now. Your marriage is a mess. Your husband is hiding from reality and you are in physical danger.

Neither one of you should go on pretending that everything is just hunky-dory. You can't control his actions, but you can control yours.

I'm not sure that you'll have to pack up and flee with your daughters in the dark of the night, but you need to take action.

Tell your husband that you want a legal separation. If you fear confronting him, do so in the presence of a third party.

Pretending isn't working any more--for either of you.

This is your life. Take action.

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momof2 wrote:

Thanks for turning this into a conversation about my writing skills.

I am sorry if you have some preconcieved notions about a person's writing skills. I may not be a good writer, but it may be difficult to write about your down when you can not stop crying. Especially, with a 2 yr old pullin at you arms.

As I said, I don't talk about my husband or family to anyone and I turned to this forum just to unload my heart.

I hope I was able to articulate myself properly.

Seriously, from your account, this guy sounds like he is really sick, the attempted sexual assault would have done it for me. Get in touch with a women's crisis hotline now!

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Just because you dont believe in divorce does not mean it isnt there so please remember that. Divorce itself can be a safety zone if need be.

And, if you dont believe in divorce , then lets start by laying down some ground rules with this man by calling the police.
You dont have to divorce to call the police and have them stand behind you.
You dont have to divorce to take him to court
Nor do you have to divorce to make our point.

If you call the police, he will see that, even if this was a fluke behavior, he is not to do it again.
Frankly, if you only let this go and brush it under the rug, you are laying the ground work for him to do it again no matter what you think.

just like a child, if here are no consequences to actions, they will continue.

Do yourself a favor and create a safe zone. Someone you can run to if you need to.
Stash some cash+ atm card in a small box by the door in the event you need to run, you can grab it ,box and all, and go. Maybe stash it outside of the house so that,if you have to run and dont have time to grab anything, you can sneak back in the night time and grab it safely.

but CALL THE POLICE
Do not let him think that is ok.
You dont have to divorce to that. You dont have to seperate to do that. But if you want him to respect you, YOU HAVE TO DO THAT.

And I have to ask why, since someone tried to rape you,you wont call the police?
If it were anyone else, you would have called them right?
So why not him?
Would you allow another person who attempted to rape you, stay in your house as well?
Taking care of yourself does not make you a bitch. It makes you a powerful woman. DO IT.

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First I would like to say how sorry I am for you. And second you have no reason to feel bad, embarrassed or anything. We all say mean things when pushed, but we don't all hit. Hitting was wrong and there is no excuse.

I also do not believe in divorce and think many people divorce as an easy way out rather than try to work things out. BUT this is an entirely different situation - this is abuse. I would recommend talking to a lawyer immediately and/or an abuse counselor. By flying off the deep end like he did, it seems he may have some really serious issues you are not aware of.

Is it worth risking your life because it may not happen again? Will he stop at kicking and raping you next time? What would happen to your daughters if something happened to you? Do you want your daughters to grow up in an abusive household? Just remember these things to give you strength to get the assistance you need.

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He Hit Me

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