WTF Kiwis are not australian

By the way NZ has about twice as many registered union players as Australia - that's a better measure of over achievement.

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.

He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "And I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot.
Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."

God continued, pointing to different countries. "And over there, I call this place America.
North America will be rich and powerful and cold, while South America will be poor, and hot and friendly. And the little spot in the middle is Central America, which is a hot spot. Can you see the balance?"

"Yes," said the Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then he pointed to a large landmass and asked, "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's Australia, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, rainforests, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people are good-looking, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world.
They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.

I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable cricket, rugby and hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then exclaimed - "But you said there would be BALANCE!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the ugly, whingeing, sheep-rooting, Kiwi bastards I'm putting next to them."

There was no mention of netball!

Sydney Swifts defeated Waikato Magic in the final!

Thanks Margo, somehow that had gone underneath the rainbow.

I didn't think mentioning the Rabbitohs 18-16 win over the NZ Warriors on Saturday would add to the debate, but it makes me all warm inside.

I'm going over to Brisbane in November for the Black Craps test against the Baggy Greens.

Fully expect us to get a bit of a whipping, but it will be a good piss up.

And....you never know

Bet my cat could beat up your cat!


:wink:

Yeah OK. yOU GOT A DISHLICKER?

If that's a dog, no.


But my cat could beat up your dog.

Might bring him over with me.

Too true, they've done it often enough in the past....

50,000 Kiwis meet in Eden Park for a "Kiwis Are Not Stupid" Convention. Helen Clark says, "We are all here today to prove to the world thet Kiwis are not stupid. Ken I hev a volunteer."

Carlos Spencer gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. Helen asks him, "What uz fufteen plus fufteen?"

After fufteen or 20 seconds Carlos says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then all 50,000 Kiwis start chanting,

"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Helen says, "Well sunce we've gone to the trouble of gitting 50,000 of you un one place end we have the world wide priss end global broadcast media here, I thunk we ken guv hum another chance."

So she asks, "What uz sivven plus sivven?"

After nearly 30 seconds he eventually says, "Ninety!"

Helen is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh - everyone is disheartened. Carlos starts crying and the 50,000 Kiwis begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,

"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Helen, unsure whether or not she is doing more harm than good, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance...What uz two plus two?"

Carlos closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four!"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 Kiwis jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream...

"GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE! GUV HUM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The Pope was touring Australia & took out a couple of days from
his itinerary to visit the northern tropics and the outback. Deep
into his visit, his 4WD Popemobile was driving alongside a river, when he
heard some splashing up ahead.

As he drew close, the Pope observed in the river, an Aboriginal
man struggling frantically with a crocodile, who had grasped the
poor guy in its powerful jaws.

At that moment, from around the river bend, a speedboat roared
into view, containing three people - Bruce Ruxton, Arthur Tunstall and
Pauline Hanson.

As the speedboat neared the struggling figures, Pauline Hanson
took aim and fired a harpoon into the crocodile's hide. Then Ruxton and
Tunstall pulled the man from the jaws of the crocodile and using long
clubs, beat the crocodile to death.

They bundled the semi-conscious man onto the speedboat, as well
as the dead croc and then approached the riverbank. The Pope was impressed
by what he had witnessed, so he went up to greet them. I give you my
blessings for your brave actions, he said. I had heard that there were some
racist xenophobic people trying to divide Australia's community - but now I
can see that your society is a truly enlightened example of racial harmony
and could serve as a model for other nations to follow.

As the Popemobile drove off, Pauline Hanson asked the others:
Who was that? Ruxton answered That was His Holiness the Pope. He is in
direct contact with God and has access to all God?s wisdom. Pauline
remarked, Well, he knows sweet f*ck-all about crocodile hunting!

What condition is the bait in?

The pope was touring New Zealand.

Nothing happened.

lol that hit rock bottom

We've been watching Motorway Patrol. I assume you know it.

I'm sure there are just as many DH's in Aus but you have some doozies.

If we have as many per capita, which makes sense, we have more!

Actually what might tip the balance once way or another is if the kiwis who migrate are more like to be DHs than the ones who stay....

That is the question.

I worked with a kiwi in a forest.

One day it began raining, Within minutes we were soaked.

He commented " jeez your rain is wet."

My reply:

but he was from the south Island so.....