My ex is an a$$

Then mention it again. In writing. Build a paper trail.

Listen to your Auntie jes.

You need paper (as in, letters and return receipt requested and the whole nine yards). It's a damned site better than he said, she said when it comes to court. Paper is unbiased (mostly). It will make your case for you.

Treat this like a business. Leave the emotions out of it. He's a dick, you're hurt, I'm sorry but that's the state of affairs and it's not going to change too much but what you can change is how you deal with it.

Get mad. And get businesslike. Stop being sweet and nice about it. Courteous, sure. Nothing in front of the kids, absolutely. But you're entitled to your emotions and your children are entitled to support from their father. Even for glasses and braces and the like.

Line up the ducks. They don't line up themselves.

Yes, what Jes said! No room for being nice here. That gets you what it got me, which is nothing at all.

Get mad and get your kids what they deserve. Like Jes said, this is business ;-)

Stock up on that paperwork, marty. The courts want to see paper ;-)

Marty--

To my mind your ex-husband would have been better to share a room with the boys instead of with paramour and daughter. Face it, he's not a man with a lot of social sophistication.

By all means, get out of the middle. Encourage both kids to ask whether girlfriend will be included in visitation and under what circumstances. They can't dictate their father's decisions, but they can decline to participate.

What a prick.

I just had this talk with my son last night and my daughter this morning. My son listened and nodded but my daughter got emotional. It breaks my heart. She said that she loves her dad and he's fun to be with but he just doesn't listen to her.

After 16 years of marriage I got 2 years of spousal maintenance and the 3rd year half of this amount for the remainder of the 3rd year. After that---nothing.

Marty--

Your daughter is probably all wrapped up in her own emerging sexuality and not willing to deal with Dad the Stud. Really, she shouldn't have to but he's the only father she has.

Hold your dominion.

Wow, 7 months later....nothing changes. My ex dropped the kids off this evening as I was heading out. I'm standing in the driveway and notice an adult male in the passanger seat. The kids aren't even to the front door and he is pulling out of the driveway as his passanger waves to me. I look at my daughter who tells me that was Uncle R.
I haven't seen Uncle R in 10 years. When my ex and I were still living back in the mid-west we spent a lot of time with his extended family. I was extremely hurt that he didn't wait in the driveway long enough for me to say hello.
It just makes me feel like he doesn't want any connection with me and his family.
I'm pissed at myself for allowing his actions to upset me. I disappoint myself by expecting more from him than he is capable of giving.

Marty--

I hope you're going to enter your Ex in the Former Spouse Contest at the A2K International Fair. He could bring home that gaudy "Best of Show" ribbon for your trophy wall.



Yep. You said it.

I'd offer to put "Uno" in the contest, but no way he would behave that way.

You're right, though Marty. At least you are able to recognize that it's your expectation of how one should behave rather than his actual behavior that bothered you. He will continue to be who he is. Let that be okay now that you don't have to deal with it daily. Do so for yourself and the kids will also be better equiped to separate his behavior from their self worth.

I'm not sure what the contest prize is, but Congratulations! YOU are fabulous!

Wait a minute.. Is Uncle R an invalid incapable of picking up a phone and making a call? Has Uncle R (or any of the rest of your ex's extended family) made an effort to keep you in their lives? I understand that you're angry at your ex for peeling out of the driveway, Marty, but his family members are capable of letting you know they're in town themselves and arrange a way to touch base with you if they choose, right?

Yes, I agree that Uncle R is just as capable of phoning. It's so much easier to be pissed at my ex. I just didn't appreciate this happening especially in front of the kids.
The ex later phoned to apologize and say that Uncle R did in fact ask if he'd be able to say hi to me before they arrived. My ex says he didn't see me standing in the driveway until he had already backed out.
But he's still an a$$

I forgot to mention that Uncle R was in town from the midwest.

Oh.

Okay then, it's settled. Your ex is definitely an a$$.






Does that mean your married name was Mrs. Marty Ass?
(Sorry, I couldn't resist. )

Good one Eva.

If I were you, I would've kept that name!

Oy. Only reading through this thread now.

What a punk.

How is your daughter getting along these days? Have things got easier between her and her dad (him showing her more respect)?

He is an a$$, and you should consider yourself happy to be rid of him.
It took him years to show his true colors, but now they came through
loud and clear. Don't even waste a minute more on this jerk!

Yeah, yesterday I was pretty steamed. I think I'm over it already.

I haven't heard of anymore sticky situations that involve the kids.

Issues regaurding marriage, kids, divorse, and custody are beyond me. But I'll offer my condolences all the same.

That sucks.

I somehow feel skeptical that a 24 year old like me can offer that emotional validation you deserve though.

Next time you buy juice at the store make it grapefruit. It will be from me (even though you are buying it). Try and convince yourself that by time you've drank it all, you'll have the calrity you desire.

Grapefruit juice is so awesome, it might just do the trick. If not, at least you wont get scurvy.

Trying hard to make light.
K
O

Can I make it Pink Grapefruit? I don't like the regular.