My ex is an a$$

And what eoe and happycat said! Generosity has nothing to do with it. Those kids are his as much as they are yours and that's his responsability as a parent. He's not giving you money for you, it's for the kids!

Giving you money to provide for his own kids doesn't buy him a ticket to do whatever he pleases with them.

Well, what I mean about the money is that it is beyond what was decided by the courts. If my kids financial needs increase then I am allowed to update child support every two years. I'm not sure how that works. My lawyer took me for a lot of money. My divorce exceeded 6000.00 and I don't want to give him any more money. Does anyone know if this can be done without a lawyer?

keep good communication with the your kids.
Get them to open up and express their feelings.
Encourage them to stand up for themselves.
Make sure they know that they should never accept feeling uncomfortable in a situation, that it's important to speak up.

Don't bad-mouth the prick in front of the kids, don't try to sway how the kids feel.

Just let them know that they do have some control. That they shouldn't go along with anything at anytime that they are not comfortable with. Whether it's with their Dad or in RL


Hang in there.

I had a lawyer who convinced me to settle for much less than I was entitled too because he and my ex knew eachother from AA. I dumped a lot of $ into him and jack, so then I finally decided to go to probate on my own to get my sons support increased from $80 a month to what I was entitled to, which was more than double that and I got it all by my lonesome, with my lawyer strongly advising against it saying "since you now live in Canada, you could lose the support you're already getting"!

Ha! he was so wrong! Another azzhole!

Anyway, my ex quit his job figuring they can't squeeze blood out of a stone (he said this to me) and I get a call from the courts one day saying that since my ex continued to refuse to pay, they would throw him in jail right then (my ex was sitting right there), I was told by the PO on the line if I just said the word. It was my call
I said no to throwing him in jail, but they said they would give him one more chance but then it was out of my hands. They would lock him up if he refused.

My ex always told me I'd never see another dime from him and he was right. He died from a massive heart attack in his sleep from a drug overdose, right after that. My son loses again

Anyway, my point was that the courts go by your exs income. If his income increases, your childrens support increases and you don't need a lawyer for that.

Daaamn.

If my dad had done this to me when I was fifteen, I'd have been horrified. Sleeping in the same room with a parent and their s.o. --brrr!-- that's just off the charts as far as ick factor is concerned, IMO...

So you've overheard her talking about the sleeping arrangements, but not talked directly to her about it yet, right? I'd definitely want to bring it up at some point, just to let her be able to talk about it if she's feeling uncomfortable about it, and to make sure she knows that it's okay for her to set boundaries in the future.

Like some others said. Keep the kids as far out of it as possible. This was a major problem my ex had. He kept throwing our son in the middle and I just wanted to strangle the bastard.

My ex was so twisted that his reason for doing what your ex did would be to make me jealous! No joke!

2 weeks after we split, my ex and his new girlfriend took our son and her 5 kids to McDonnalds and made out at one of the tables while the kids played in the play area

My poor little 5 year old comes home crying and angry, asking me why daddy was kissing this stranger woman? I have to say that I was totally lost for words and had no idea what to tell my son.
I don't really remember what I told him, but it was something to the effect that I wasn't sure and I'd have to talk with his father about it.

My blood still boils!

What if the ex's income decreases and the kids needs increase?

I'm going to post that question in legal too, just to see if anyone else that's not reading this has an answer.

They take all into consideration. Just make sure you have all your paperwork in order when going into court.

I had a big folder when I went ;-)

Yeah, so just bring all proof you have of increased expenses and they'll take it from there.

It was the easiest thing for me to do when I did it without a lawyer. Child support is mandatory. You already have an order in place which states it is to be reviewed every 2 years, so there's nothing more a lawyer can do other than take your money ;-)

That's not a bad idea! I did just that before I went to court with my ex and I got some great advice here.

He was required to send me copies of his W2's and hasn't done so yet. The divorce was final 2 years from Sept. My spousal maintanence decreases next month and then none next year.

Bastid, I can make it on my own just fine but I helped him get to where he is today. The first 5 years of our marriage I was the sole income provider. 2 of those years he had zero income and now he make 3 times as much as I do

I guess that is a little off topic.....but wait a minute, this is my vent thread about him being an a$$.

Thanks for all the listening and input so far guys. It helps me know I'm not insane.

Gosh, it sounds like you guys have a much better system for getting Maintenance money than us in the UK. We've had countless letters from the child support agency (who are supposed to force the absent parent to pay maintenance) saying that my dad SHOULD be paying such and such and that he hadn't paid anything.

They once offered my mum the chance to take him to court, but he said he'd start paying, so she gave him a second chance. And then a few months after he hadn't paid again the same thing happened.

They do sh*t all about it. I've missed out on school trips etc because of my father paying us jack-sh*t. The letters now tell us he should be paying £18 a month!!! That's like $36 a month to raise a child...it's pathetic. They also tell us so far he has paid £0... Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?!!!!

He's moved to Spain now, so no chance of getting the money he owes out of him.

I'd imagine, as long as you stick to your guns and have some rock hard evidence to take to court, they'll be on your side.

Yeah, sometimes I feel bad about griping because it could be worse.

You are not insane, Marty.
He's a prick.

Rant away!

What do you mean when you say your spousal maintanence decreases next month?

My ex was also suppose to send me a copy of his W2's and never did. Well, the courts would order him to hand over those W2's and that's that!

[quote="martybarker']Bastid, I can make it on my own just fine but I helped him get to where he is today. The first 5 years of our marriage I was the sole income provider. 2 of those years he had zero income and now he make 3 times as much as I do [/quote]

Same here, except I supported my ex for a few more years. I put him on his feet and the bastid made more than I was!
I had to fight mine for every dime I got, and that's not a whole hell of a lot of dimes

Trust me Marty, It's not you! You're one of the normal ones, so rant away and I will rant with you

Never feel bad. It could be worse, but it could be much better, too ;-)


We all need to gripe every now and again. It's good for us :-D

When was he supposed to send you the copies, Marty? Has he given you any reason why he hasn't sent them?

He hasn't sent them and I only mentioned it once a year ago.