My ex is an a$$

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

If you all don't mind reading this I'm going to vent a bit. Rolling Eyes

Some of you already know some of my story. Soon after my divorce was final my ex picked up the kids for his weekend with them. They arrive at his one bedroom apt. and his girlfriend is there with her son. The kids had no warning that they were spending the weekend together. This is 2 adults and 3 kids in this small space. My daughter was pissed. (Although she doesn't share this with me directly)
I talked to him and told him that the kids were uncomfortable and he assured me that he wouldn't do it again.
So 3 weeks ago, he planned a trip back to the midwest for a family reunion. On the way to the airport he informs the kids that his girlfriend and her son would be meeting them at the airport. Again, no prior warning. The get 2 adjoining hotel rooms. Here's the thing, the 2 boys shared a room and he and his girlfriend slept in one bed with my 15 year old daughter in the next bed. How inconsiderate is that!
So my daughter tells a friend that the girlfriend is wearing a big diamond on her left hand and family members are congratulating her. All this to my daughters surprise. He claims that the ring was simply a gift but no explanation to the kids.
What an A$$

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 4,864 • Replies: 82

No top replies

Marty- I think that calling this man an ass is a kindness. I think that it bordered on abuse that he slept with his girlfriend in a room with your 15 yo daughter.

I am appalled by this man's behavior. IMO, you need to set down ground rules for him, and stick to it!

0 Replies

How do I do that though? I've tried talking with him.

0 Replies

Quote:

So my daughter tells a friend that the girlfriend is wearing a big diamond on her left hand and family members are congratulating her. All this to my daughters surprise. He claims that the ring was simply a gift but no explanation to the kids.

I am sure that that was hurtful to you, but that is not the issue. He is exposing your kids to an unhealthy environment. I would tell him that if he ever pulls that deal where your daughter sleeps in the same room with him and his girlfriend, you will take it up with your attorney.

0 Replies

I hinted towards that and asked him to assure me that it doesn't happen again. I just can't believe how different our beliefs are on raising the kids. We always seemed pretty close on this matter when we were together

0 Replies

Marty- IMO, it would be better if you made it very clear to him that you mean what you say, and will put "teeth" into it, if he forces your hand.

It must have been awful for your daughter...............and he is either too stupid, or too uncaring to understand that.

0 Replies

That's horrible, marty. Your husband shows very little consideration for
blending "his" two families together. I would put my foot down and
tell him if he ever pulls a stunt like this again, he can visit the kids at your house only.

Having your daughter spend the night in one room with her father and
his new girlfriend is in very poor taste. That poor girl must have felt
so awkward.

How old are you children again?

0 Replies

That must have been pretty nasty for your daughter. He should've be more mindful of the situation rather than put her in such an uncomfortable spot. He's not only an asshole but a pretty selfish one at that.

If he can't inform the kids ahead of time who will be joining them on these little excursions, they should simply ask him. He knows how raggedy he is, that's why he doesn't offer up the info beforehand so, unfortunately, your kids have to take that small matter into their own hands, ask him outright if anyone will be joining them and then they have the freedom to decide whether they want to participate or not.

0 Replies

eoe wrote:

That must have been pretty nasty for your daughter. He should've be more mindful of the situation rather than put her in such an uncomfortable spot. He's not only an **** but a pretty selfish one at that.

If he can't inform the kids ahead of time who will be joining them on these little excursions, they should simply ask him. He knows how raggedy he is, that's why he doesn't offer up the info beforehand so, unfortunately, your kids have to take that small matter into their own hands, ask him outright if anyone will be joining them and then they have the freedom to decide whether they want to participate or not.

I agree. In fact, your daughter should have raised a stink right there that night in the hotel room.
From now on when he picks up the kids, you should ask him right then and there - in front of your kids - what his plans are and who will be joining them for the day or weekend or whatever.
I don't know how old your youngest 2 are, but the 15 year old should definitely be allowed to make the decision whether she wants to be included, or stay home with you.

0 Replies

My son is 13 and my daughter 15.

0 Replies

martybarker wrote:

My son is 13 and my daughter 15.

whoops, I see I made a mistake. 3 kids minus her 1 = 2. Embarrassed

Well at 13 and 15 I'd say they're old enough to speak up and make their own decisions about when, and where, they go with their father.

My 14 yr old has no problem with saying "NO WAY!" to me when I suggest things.

0 Replies

I just think that they are so glad to spend some time with him that they don't want to cause problems. I'm the custodial parent.

0 Replies

That's all well and good, but can't you sit them down and have a heart-to-heart about speaking up when they're put in a situation that makes them uncomfortable?
They may as well start now, because they're going to be subjected to more "get-togethers" if he gave this woman a ring. Especially at holiday time.

0 Replies

wooboy! Sorry, MB, but I would pick a different anatomical part to describe your ex. My choice is fairly close in proximity to yours but it's on the front of his body. I usually try of avoid bashing folks that I don't know, but it seems as if this man is a true dick.

Now, what to do about Mr Penis.... I guess my first question is to ask about what your divorce decree stipulates about his behaviors while having custody of the kids? If it doesn't stipulate what behaviors are and are not acceptable then is it possible for you to go back to court? There is NO WAY IN HELL that your children should have to share a hotel room with their father and his girl friend.

Common sense aside, if your ex doesn't have the brains not to share a bed with his girlfriend (I don't care what she's currently sporting on her finger, she's still his girlfriend) in front of his children, then you may want to consider some outside intervention.

Sorry for coming on strongly, but this is waaaaay outside the behaviors of a responsible parent.

0 Replies

I'd speak to the attorney in any case.

On your ex, I have been sympathetic all along to how you felt on his leaving.

Now it looks like a good thing. You may have come to not doubt that in your head, but being left is hard to get over sometimes, no matter what your brain says. This is sort of clarifying. He really is a dick, whether out of insensitivity/ignorance or misplaced familial togetherness or sheer basic dickiness.

I know parenting classes exist, but I'm not sure if they exist as a special class for those who are divorced and have visitation rights.

0 Replies

In our state only one parent is required to attend a parenting class. I opted out simply because of my emotional state at the time and work committments.
When he left he kept justifying his actions to the point that I started second guessing my beliefs. When I heard that he put my daughter in this situation I was really upset but then wondered if I was over-reacting.

0 Replies

No, you weren't overreacting. It was poor judgement and poor taste on his part. You don't put your teenage daughter in such a predicament.

0 Replies

If he only wanted to pay for two rooms, then he should have shared a room with the two boys, and let the girlfriend and daughter have the other room.

The buttface dickwad asshole surely could have thought of that solution on his own if he's made it to this age.

IMO, your kids are at the age of deciding when and where to go with him, and are going to have to be the ones to speak up since it is their relationship with him. It may not be an issue your daughter wants to have to deal with but if nothing else she can tell Dad he made her feel really uncomfortable and she does not appreciate being put in that situation.

On your side you can talk to them about it in a non-judgemental way so that it doesn't sound like you are bitter, while providing a sympathetic sounding board for them.

Did they mind as much as you do? Have they expressed their feelings on the travel arrangements with you? If so, did you feel like they were really bothered by it or were they trying to word it in a way that would fit with your values? (Mine do this, that's why I'm asking.)

0 Replies

The kids saw how devastating his leaving was for me so they just don't talk about what they do with him much. They pretty much just make general comments. So, I overheard my daughter telling her friend but she didn't come to me with this. I need to figure out how to approach this without loosing her trust and without pissing him off so much that he becomes even less civil towards me and our situation.

0 Replies

Ah. But you can't help what you overhear, but never mind that, you have reason to inquire about the sleeping arrangement anyway, as a thoughtful mother.

Kids will go back and forth in the complex power struggle of life, but...

the room situation is sucky. Parental comfort over common sense.

0 Replies

My ex is an a$$

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know