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Tue 17 Jul, 2007 07:02 am
I've heard that when one spouse accuses the other of having an affair, it can be a hint that they are having one themselves. Sometimes I travel with my job and I get ten to fifteen calls a day from my husband. Most if not all of those calls are just to ask what I'm doing, not to relay any information. After returning from a trip a few months ago I got a vaginal infection. He accused me of having slept with someone while I was out of town. He told his friends about it. He called and asked his own doctor about it. He convinced himself that I was sleeping around. He has always been this way about calling me, wanting to know everything I do, where I go and all of that even when I'm not on a short business trip but this time he went through all of this as if he was was setting up his friends to believe I was having an affair. Now I'm wondering if he's doing that to cover his own cheating or do you think its just him wanting to control me? I have not slept with anyone but my husband. I would let it go but now he is saying things to our teenagers to suggest I am cheating. When I tell him to stop he says he is just kidding. What are the chances he is the one being unfaithful?
Sweetart--
Welcome to A2K.
Your husband may have his mind set on Infidelity because of his own behavior.
He also might be a terribly insecure person--or a person without inner resources who is bored much of the time and given to meaningless activity.
He could also be working up to an overtly abusive relationship.
Dragging the kids into his fantasies is a disturbing development.
Hold your dominion.
You know your man.
Has he always been so insecure or is this a new development?
Thank you for the welcome, Noddy24.
He has always been that way about the phone calls. Before I got a cell phone he would call the place I said I was going and have me paged and make up something like don't forget to get milk. The accusations have just been over the past year.
Sweettart--
I've found in Matters of Love that Mr. Noddy frequently thinks I'm much nicer than a really am--and much dumber than I really am.
He has periods of Masterful Organization at the Last Moment--frequently when I'm heading out the door with a deadline. "Don't forget to get milk," is his way of proving that he's in charge, completely on top of the intricacies of modern life.
Eoe has a good point. Did something happen a year or so ago that changed his life or threatened his ego?
I did switch jobs but this started a couple of months before that. I cannot think of any thing else that would have changed. He travels more than I do and would have more chances to cheat that I would never know about so that was what made me think that maybe he was the one being unfaithful.
It's an interesting theory, to be sure. But you have to have more to go on than that. Do you?
sweettart wrote:Thank you for the welcome, Noddy24.
He has always been that way about the phone calls. Before I got a cell phone he would call the place I said I was going and have me paged and make up something like don't forget to get milk. The accusations have just been over the past year.
Oh lord.
You should have gotten out the minute this started happening.
Re: When I'm Accused Does That Mean He's Cheating?
sweettart wrote: After returning from a trip a few months ago I got a vaginal infection. He accused me of having slept with someone while I was out of town. He told his friends about it. He called and asked his own doctor about it. He convinced himself that I was sleeping around.
This is absurd!
Does he know infections can happen just because? I would be SO PISSED if my husband ran to his friends and told them I had a vaginal infection because I had slept around.
You need to get out and get out now. Either that or tell him to stop or you'll leave.
This is distructive behavior and you should not tolerate it.
to answer your original question. yes. the guy is f**king everyone.
all men are transparent pigs, either serial rapists and cheaters or bumbling Dagwood Bumstead like incompetents or both.
Don't you watch tv or read?
Except for me and your Dad.
No. I have not paid attention to check his collar for lipstick or that kind of thing. It would not have crossed my mind but that he is accusing me more and started saying things to the kids even when he knows I can hear. Maybe he isn't cheating and I'll just keep telling him to stop saying things about me.
if you keep doing what you have always been doing, then you will keep getting what you have always been getting....
Bella Dea, I didn't think it was right for him to do that but I have three teenagers so I've just been trying to not let it bother me.
Bi-Polar Bear, I do not know what you mean. I do not think that is true about men.
Shwolfnm, I know. I have heard that before. I can not make him stop except to keep telling him to.
sweettart wrote:Bella Dea, I didn't think it was right for him to do that but I have three teenagers so I've just been trying to not let it bother me.
Bi-Polar Bear, I do not know what you mean. I do not think that is true about men.
Shwolfnm, I know. I have heard that before. I can not make him stop except to keep telling him to.
And you think it's ok to teach your teenagers that it's ok for people to behave this way?
Sometimes, the best thing for kids is to not be with parents who don't trust and love each other.
sweettart I was just messing around. I'm one of those azzholes who thinks everything's a joke.
Bi-Polar Bear wrote:sweettart I was just messing around. I'm one of those azzholes who thinks everything's a joke.
And such a fuzzy, loveable azzhole you are. :wink:
Bella Dea wrote:sweettart wrote:Thank you for the welcome, Noddy24.
He has always been that way about the phone calls. Before I got a cell phone he would call the place I said I was going and have me paged and make up something like don't forget to get milk. The accusations have just been over the past year.
Oh lord.
You should have gotten out the minute this started happening.
Oh boy, is she ever right! Honestly, it's time to look to you options. Wait. Tell him the problems he is causing you. If he can't or won't change (and he won't) starting planning for the future - with someone else.
No this is not what I want my teenagers to learn. They know this is wrong and sometimes apologize to me. I tell them they have nothing to apologize for but I know they are saying that because they want to try to make me feel better.
It does not hurt my feelings. It just makes me mad that I think he says it to make me stay home. He does not like me to have female friends either and says negative things about anyone he thinks I might make friends with so it is easier for me to just stay home than have to answer all of his questions. That's why I did not know if he was accusing me because he is cheating or just to control me.
I will have to figure something out. Thank you for your ideas.
So do you have any ideas to " figure this out" or need help?
I'll gladly help anyone who wants it, and so will the people here.
Gotta say you have taken the easy road to hell, on this one. A good start would be to look at what is his poor decisions and behaviors and which are yours.
Your kids can be a good thought in your head for perspective on where things have gone wrong.
Don't understand people who allow themselves to be controlled. Your own choices are all you have in this world!
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