84
   

A good cry on the train

 
 
High Seas
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 10:12 am
@CalamityJane,
If mediation was not agreed a priori (as evidenced in a prenuptial agreement) then you don't have to agree to it; talk to a couple of friendly lawyers first, by all means. Separately, am getting on plane to go holler at folks 12 time zones away....try to survive without too much white noise until I get back Smile
Foxfyre
 
  1  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 10:20 am
Speaking as one who has gone through a messy divorce with a close family member, I recommend strongly getting advice of counsel before any kind of formal agreement. In that case it started out amicably enough. At one point there was even consideration of using the same lawyer to draw up the final, mutually agreed agreement.

In the end, she wound up with virtually everything plus he was obligated to pay some of her debts. He was lucky to get out with his own clothes and he wound up losing a lot of personal stuff just because he was too tired to fight and wanted to get it over with.

This is the worst case scenario which most aren't. But it is a testimony for why it is wise to have your own attorney watching over your interests.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 11:45 am
@High Seas,
High Seas wrote:

If mediation was not agreed a priori (as evidenced in a prenuptial agreement) then you don't have to agree to it; talk to a couple of friendly lawyers first, by all means. Separately, am getting on plane to go holler at folks 12 time zones away....try to survive without too much white noise until I get back Smile


In principle I agree with you, however, Joe Nation mentioned that skilled negotiations are the forte of his soon to be ex-wife, I am afraid he could be "ambushed" into an agreement that will hurt him in the long run.

It is one thing to write everything down what should be addressed resp.
how things should be divided, but sitting down with his soon to be ex-wife
and a mutually assigned mediator to negotiate over the fate of his future financial life while he's still emotionally raw, is not something I would advice.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 03:42 pm
Jane makes a good point -- an area I neglected -- jointly owned items. These may in some way be easier, e. g. if the condo (for sake of argument) is worth $500k then perhaps you get it and pay her half or vice versa. That is, you buy her out. And then for the car she buys you out or whatever.

More liquid assets (checking and savings accounts) could be split down the middle. More long-term stuff will require more effort, plus you may need a trained professional to look at not only current value but purchase value, etc., if it's stocks and the like.
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  5  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 06:35 pm
Ten things I Like About Living Alone

10: No empty ice cube trays.
9. The magazine in the bathroom is right where I left it.
8. I can have plants.
7. Dinner is always on time.
6. There is always a Diet Coke left.
5. I don't have to be anywhere.
4. I get any pillow I want.
3. No paying attention.
2. No sorting of the mail needed.
1. The tv clicker mine mine mine.

Ten Things I Don't Like About Living Alone
10. The Silence
9. Not having anyone to gripe at for the crap everywhere
8. Making one omlette
7. Trying to think of enough STUFF to order from the grocer.
6. Still thinking a cat may appear.
5. The Silence
4. Every once in awhile the whole thing sinks in, that's never good/
3. Being chipper during conversations with neighbors.
2, The middle of the bed is a vast uncharted sea.
1. Realizing that this condition is one that might last until the end of your life.

Joe(Not ignoring your posts, just listening to myself for the moment)Nation
devriesj
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 06:50 pm
@Joe Nation,
We're here, Joe ( you go right ahead) Nation.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 07:07 pm
@Joe Nation,
Quote:
1. Realizing that this condition is one that might last until the end of your life.


Don't think that! When one of my neighbors moved into a retirement community, he soon moved out again, as the ratio women to man was 20: 1
He longed to be by himself again.

0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 07:31 pm
@Joe Nation,
There was an early a2k thread, who knows what the title was, where a bunch of us posited a good thing might be to have contiguous houses or apartments, however small, or some similar deal going.

Osso(we worked out a complete remodel together with no flames, but that takes concentrated listening from both, additive when it works, which it did, but what a relief now, except for the silence)buco
0 Replies
 
spikepipsqueak
 
  4  
Reply Thu 4 Sep, 2008 08:56 pm
@Joe Nation,
7 other good things about living alone.

1. When you have a change of plans there is no one else to consider.
2. No compromising on food.
3. No compromising on temperature.
4. No compromising on entertainment.
5. Never walking that tightrope with the friends your spouse doesn't like.
6. That vast, uncharted sea has cool spots on hot nights, and nobody else is sleeping on them.
7.The chance to remember who you are, without the veneer of all the compromising.

2 downsides to living alone.

1.Alcohol can start to look like your best friend.
2.You can descend into an insular sod (don't like smileys but would have used one here)
0 Replies
 
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Fri 5 Sep, 2008 07:46 am
@Joe Nation,
Joe Nation wrote:

Izzie: My very best to you and your family. May your future be full of love and sweet sweet happiness.


Thanku hun... thanku.



Hey Joe (many lists in your head) Nation

Been reading your lists...... lotsa Iz(has silent yeps in head right now)

Strange izzn't it... the numero uno of the ugh list.... kinda creeps in, hangs around and settles down in the head - no matter how POSITIVE you are... it's there. Being on one's own... it's a not a bad thing... just.... sometimes! a?

So...... deep breaths - Ima kinda going against the crowd here with all the "things to do" - I just feel you maybe need to do the essentials (safety nets/ joint bank & credit card stuff bleugh) ... and then just breathe on your own for a little and see where you're at. There's no major hurry with the divvying up - you're just realising things about yourself that you hadn't realised before... like silence deafens you.... I'd give yourself a break on the "what I gotta do to end this right now" for a little bit - just my opinion tho... everyone has to deal in their own way and does it differently finding different things to prioritise.

Oh.... did see something today tho that made me smile... kinda made me think of you.... being a story writer and all....

http://i277.photobucket.com/albums/kk41/LzzieIzzie/everystory.jpg

errrrr.... maybe not your thing, but nem'mind.

Iz (which chapter am I on now) zie Wink x
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  2  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 06:20 am

Robert Cray Band. I played this this morning, and guess who I thought of?

Her name came up today
To my surprise
My eyes watered up
But I didn't cry

I pictured our good times
And I almost had a laugh

I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back, yeah

Fall and winter's gone
I've made it through the cold
Shivered through some storms
Rained all night all alone
I didn't like that

I could see that silver lining
I can see it now at last

I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back

(Saxophone solo)

Last week I took her name off my mailbox
Threw out some shoes and clothes she left behind
I even took her picture off of my dresser
I believe these are very good signs
I believe these are very good signs
Yeah, yeah, yeah

(Horn solo)

I've got the urge to sing again
I've got the urge to dance
I can see myself again
Giving love just one more chance

I've been away too long
Way off track

I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back

I've been away too long
Way off track

And I'm finally bouncin' back
I'm finally bouncin' back

I've got the urge to dance
I believe that I'll give love just one more chance
[ Bouncin' Back Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

Play it here. It's good.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZw5bBWRSdk
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 05:51 pm
@McTag,
Why is it that the Brits understand Rhythmn and Blues far, far better than the average American? Are we somehow dense? I am, of course, going to download this cut onto my player and turn it up loud, my brothers and sisters, I am going to turn it up loud. I've already got "Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow" as a cool down song, this will be another.... .
Joe Nation
 
  3  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 06:10 pm
sorry. two posts in a row and all that, but ... .
I have things to say :
to spike:
I made a little post-it note and put it on my frozen vodka. "Who is your best friend?" it says. Who indeed.

Quote:
women to man was 20: 1
He longed to be by himself again.

some days (and nights)
he recalls some days (and nights)
when names were not exchanged as often
as fluids of the bodily bawdily kind and
he muses.
thus.
So.
How many times can 61 go into forty five fifty five or so?
Quote:
I'm not as good as I once was,
but I am as good once as I ever was.
sorry
Everyone is safe for the moment.
At some point in time sooner or later
no one
no one
no one will be.

===
So, today I ran a four mile race and did well. I put a plan in place to get all the bills paid and still have fun. I had a lovely lunch, a bit of quiet and decided not to get the sleeping aid perscription filled. Yet/

(Had a fantasy moment where I pictured myself playing a tape of party revelers as background every time I needed to call L.

SORRRRY> SO LOUD HERE WITH ALL THESE )) Hey! I'm ON THE PHONE!!!!!! what were you saying??????)
She wouldn't fall for something like that.

Joe(too bad)Nation
Izzie
 
  2  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 06:15 pm
@Joe Nation,
((((JoeNation)))
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 06:26 pm
@Joe Nation,
The cool thing about pleasure is it retains.. even heightens pleasure, however diminished on somebody's biomed curve.

run, run, run awaaaaaay...
0 Replies
 
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 06:29 pm
@Izzie,
Did I mention that I am having this
EVERY STORY... .
made into a pin???

Joe(hugs for everyone!!!)Nation
devriesj
 
  2  
Reply Sat 6 Sep, 2008 07:06 pm
@Joe Nation,
dev (((hugs for Joe Nation))) j
0 Replies
 
McTag
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Sep, 2008 12:25 am
@Joe Nation,

Bless you Joe, you're very welcome.

And I'm glad to see that somebody actually reads my posts.

Smile
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Sep, 2008 05:12 am
Joe, I've saved some worry time for you. Worrying.

Enjoy your solitude, your independence, your not having to answer to anyone but yourself.

Easy for me to say--and I just did.

Glad you had a good run and a good lunch.

Ro(hang in there, kid)berta
Joe Nation
 
  2  
Reply Sun 7 Sep, 2008 06:05 am
@Roberta,
McTag: It is a well known A2k Factoid that we all everyone of us hang on your every word. Each one is read and savored.

Now try writing something knowing that. J.



Right back at you, Roberta.

Be not afraid.
A Guy from Palestine once said that to a bunch of other guys in a boat that was on the verge of sinking. He didn't have to be afraid because he could walk on water, but still.... . The point is we all go through stuff, bad stuff and stunningly awful stuff because we are all in that same boat called life.

So today, tonight and tomorrow,
Joe(Be Not Afraid)Nation
 

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