Cancelled the wedding 4 weeks beforehand!! Help!!

Hello

I never thought I would be writing this problem on here. My fiance and I have been planning our wedding for the past 5 months, living together for 4 years and just bought a very nice house together in December with the plan of filling it with children and he called the wedding off on Sunday. I am heartbroken!!!! I've been so distraught about it words can't explain. I've had to see the doctor for anxiety tabs and couldn't stop crying etc. I begged him not to and was out of mind to him but he still cancelled it. I'm pacing around all the time, wringing my hands because everything is just soooo out of control and I can do nothing about it. It has basically sent me out of my mind. I moved away from my family etc and sold my property 4 years ago to be with him and all on the intention of us marrying one day. I left my job and went through the struggles of finding a new job etc.

Since we've lived together we've had our problems first it was what I can only explain as teething problems and getting used to eachother and living together. I have found it difficult living with him because he runs his own business and it gets very hard/busy for him. I adjusted to this as best I felt I could but wasn't used to a man not being able to go food shopping for instance with me or do any cooking for dinner. I always do that for him so he can work in study. At times though I have become very frustrated because I've felt like I'm just his sort of maid. Although he says he's busy with work I'll see him playing on computer games for hours. So then I think why can't he help me with the dinner or something. If I question it he says he's having a break.

When I first moved in he criticised me for the way I spoke because he had a public school education and I went to comprehensive school we are different in that respect. I feel like he's really put me down. He called me a blunt c**t in the past because I'm not eliquent enough for him. If I sit at the dinner table and lean my arm on the table he scowls at me, if my glasses are slightly down my nose he scowls, if I blow on my hot food i'm in trouble. I've tried not to do all these things because I thought well maybe he's teaching me good ,manners because that's what I lack and I've never been told these pointers before. He mocks my parents because they eat their food on their lap and goes on and on about other people doing it. He tells me he's going to turn me into a southern lady rather than a northerner (ie rough).

I'm trying to tell you all how it is. I hope I'm not going on. He says he cancelled the wedding because I blew my top at him. I did, I admit. I pushed him and hit him across the head recently. I let go of all my inner frustration and couldn't stop. I've found that just lately I've become quite physical and I'm feeling repressed and dominated totally by him in my life. What sparked it was that some friends came round the day before who were also getting married and they tried their bridesmaids dresses on. I didn't want them round really because I wasn't having any bridesmaids and I suppose I behaved in a spoilt way and through a tantrum. I've had a few people let me down on the invites and when I've phoned them they haven't got back to me. It hurt me and even my best friend didn't want to come. I don't have a lot of family and I think the wedding has been very difficult for me. Well I through a tantrum because his friends were what I felt criticising our honeymoon. We were planning to go to Borneo trekking. His friend kept asking me if I was really allowing my husband to be to book that as it's not relaxing after buying a house. It's been said several times and I kept it in and said I was looking forward to it. It was all his idea mainly his view that we won't be able to do it with children. It ket winding me up because I felt it was what he wanted again. Anyway his brother phoned while we were arguing and my bf said he would tell his brother how I was behaving I asked him not to as it would escalate me further. He did and said "it's nice to talk to someone who's not shouting and screaming all the time" This infuriated me more and felt like he was humiliating me and I pushed him and slapped his head. I let go..............God I wish I hadn't.

My bf has been very reluctant to help with the planning of the wedding at all. Admittedly he has helped but he's criticised what I've done or huffed and puffed in a big way beforehand if he's had to check something etc.

It all got to me but I loved him and wanted to marry him and he's called it off. He says I'm not very nice at times but I feel we're bitching at oneanother and done it more since the planning of the wedding.

Well to top it off even though he's cancelled the wedding he still wants to give it a try and for us to stay together and even suggested we sell the current house and rent another or buy another cheaper one. I don't know if he's crazy or I am??? I was hysterical begging him not to cancel, yet he did. I feel sooo humiliated. I feel i've put up with him and his business and tried my best but all he does is take. If I suggest to his family that the business is too stressful and has caused all this he denies it, yet said in the past it did.

Please tell me your opinions. I can't fit in everything that has happened. When I try to talk to him and tell him about the way I feel he has put me down over the years he says I'm being over sensitive or bringing things up from the past. He's really made me look bad because I blew my top and that's the reason he cancelled. He says he hasn't had cold feet and was eager to marry me until then. My parents think he bottled it and it is an excuse and all he keeps doing is making me feel to blame.