Divorce - Does It Have to Be Bad?

well, it will put both your lives on hold as you readjust. Sorry to hear. You guys seemed like so much fromage and trsicuits.

No, in my opinion it doesn't.

Divorce doesn't have to be bad. It shouldn't be taken lightly, but not because it's innately bad.

Divorce is a change. Like all other life events the people involved make it "good" or "bad".

<sigh>

Well, I haven't come across anyone (myself included) who found it an easy process to go through, squinney.
In my humble opinion, if any divorcing couple can avoid the nastiness (usually about access the children, money or the "other woman/man"), then they've done really well. (I realize that none of these factors may apply to you.)

Good luck to both of you. If you can remain civilized throughout, that's really something!

I find disussing it on an open forum extremely distasteful and would prefer to let it be a discussion reserved for pms if no one minds.

Then don't discuss it. I don't find it distasteful to ask if divorce is supposed to be bad, ugly, etc. when it seems like everyones reaction on and off line to such news is to offer sympathy.

I'm asking if it has to be a bad thing.

knock yourselves out then.

I have to agree with Bi-Polar Bear.

You both are well known and loved here and even in the best situation... separation is awkward and sensitive.

Given this, trying to have a detached discussion about a personal situation is very uncomfortable and there is a real possibility that someone will cross a line that will cause undue embarrassment or pain.

Bi-Polar Bear has expressed discomfort at a public discussion... and his feelings are understandable. I think that they should be respected. I know I would feel the same way.

I will join everyone at wishing you both comfort and the best of luck.

I think men and women have very different responses to talking about such things.

Because both Squinney and Bear are well loved members of A2K I'll trust that nobody does cross the line. Squinney hasn't spilled any personal details about the decision and everyone has respected their privacy by not asking for details.

I missed whatever thread this was announced on but should we expect them to keep it secret? Would that be fair to them? I think Squinney did an excellent job of raising a sensitive issue without making it personal.

That said, it is a good topic and one that many people who read these threads can learn from.

And that said, yes, I absolutely do believe there can be good divorces. When Mr. B's parents divorced back in the 60s things started off very nasty but over time they were able to come to grips with the issues. I have said many times how much I admire them for behaving like adults and putting their differences aside so that the whole family could celebrate holidays and family milestones together without making it awkward for the kids. I know it took a lot of work for them to do this and I admire and appreciate them for it.

I hate to see couples I know and love break up so I too offer my love and support to both of you. Only you two know what is right for you. I know you will continue to be friends and that is so important.

I agree with SQuinney. I agree with BPB, I agree with e_brown, and Boomer, and....... aw crap.

I love them both, and I'm gonna stay the hell out of it.


(hint, hint)



(Sometimes it's okay to have a thought, and hold your tongue.)

Hmmmmm.

Well, Christ! I thought it was a simple question.



I agree with Boomer.

I certainly wasn't asking anyone to take sides.

I'm outta here.

I still think it was a simple question.

There is nothing wrong with a small announcement to friends and family.
Details should be reserved for family only, however.

And yes, there are amicable divorces practiced. It's not that one person
has fallen in digrace or the other has done something terrible, they're
terrific people individually, just cant live together anymore. That's all!

One of the hard facts of divorce that is difficult for separating spouses to absorb and implement is that there is no longer any rationale for presenting a United Front to the world.

People in love make compromises to spare the feelings of the Beloved.

People out-of-love have no need to do this.

This independence of action can create very hard feelings.

Noddy- I agree about not having to present a united front to the world. The problem is, that many divorced couples foist their animosities on the kids, thereby causing much unnecessary conflict in the minds of the young ones.

For what it's worth, I think it's a simple question that doesn't have to be about personal stuff at all. Squinney was (IMO) merely confirming a fact that a lot of people were buzzing about and were questioning whether it was a joke or not, and then asking a general question about divorce.

Re: that question, I certainly think it can be done in such a way that everyone ends up happier than they would have been if they'd stayed in the marriage. I think it's pretty hard to make it entirely free of acrimony though.