Dating Two Girls at the Same Time (Should I Start?)

I agree that there are a few different questions here.

Date someone you've known for a while and with whom you share friends immediately after a Major Breakup? Hmmm.

Date someone you work with? Eek.

Date in a loose, fun, no-commitment way for a bit? Sure!

Totally agreed about being generally honest ("Are you dating anyone besides me?" "Yes") without giving gory details.

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Re: Dating Two Girls at the Same Time (Should I Start?)

Gargamel wrote:

I just left a difficult, exhausting three-year relationship.

Sorry, G -- Sorry that it's been difficult and sorry that it didn't work out. At least you ended it before she moved to Chicago.

Gargamel wrote:

Two weeks single now, I've been out twice with Girl number 1 and enjoyed the company, but have reservations about her intentions (we met while I was still attached). I'm not ready to commit, but could be if we take it chill.

So chill. Call her occasionally and let her know that you want to take things slowly. She knows you were recently attached, right? She should be cool with slow. If she's a one man at a time kind of gal and expects you to have blinders on then she's too much too soon.

Gargamel wrote:

Taking it chill would mean hanging out with Girl number 2 from time to time. Let's forget that I work with her and am basically on the verge of ruining my life. I would like to be open to each girl about my attitude toward committment right now. I would like to feel each one out, literally and figuratively. And I want both of them to be okay with that.

Gulp! The ice is thin in this heat, G. Tread lightly and slowly with blending work and social. It can work, but depending on the people involved it can get very, very ugly.

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mushypancakes wrote:

Gargamel wrote:

Okay. Please heed this addendum.

I'm a good guy who's never been interested in whores.

But also, it would be pleasant if both of these really nice, totally cute girls let me have sex with them.

Sorry.

I thought even nice guys liked whores, a least a little bit and sometimes and some whorishness.

Backing away slowly....now..

Lol!!!

Speaking poisonally, I would sleep very quickly with someone I was attracted to, but knew I would not get really involved with.

Different with someone I knew I was really attracted to.

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I ended a long term love/hate relationship when I was in my late 20's. Spent about a year and a half just casually dating and having fun.

It was great.
I loved it.
Didn't want to do it forever, but it was fun while it lasted.
I never had a conversation with any guy to make sure we both knew this was just fun and games. When I went on a date, it was just that. Didn't get them all involved in the most important part of my personal life.

Dinner, movies, going skating...got woken up by the phone one Sunday morning with "Hey, want to go for a plane ride? Be here in 1/2 an hour." Didn't even know he owned a plane.

That was 20 years ago, and I still, when reminded, like now, look back on that time as wonderful.

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Dating and Courting are--or used to be--two different animals. "Dating" is not an exclusive relationship--courting is.

Dating used to be "playing the field"--no strings.

Fornication complicates both situations. Some women feel that love-making creates strings. Some don't.

Honesty is essential.

I'd be worried about the work/play overlap--very worried. You might be able to handle a fizzle here with no problems, but would she?

Bachelorhood is heady stuff. Hold your dominion.

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Be straight up with both women, let them know that you're not interested in commitment, and then let the panties fall where they may. Things still might get sticky, especially with the woman that you work with, but at least you've been honest.

What's that going to be like, having to see your co-worker daily after you're no longer seeing her socially? Shocked

Surely you've heard the old saying, don't **** where you eat?

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What JPB said; make every effort to 1) be honest, 2) take it slowly, and 3) the girl at work shows all red flags popping up.

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Gargamel, You dawg :wink: I don't have any great advice. I don't see any problem with dating several (as in more than 2) girls at the same time. Just know that you cannot control the way they feel about it. Dating two girls exclusively kind of gives the impression that there is a contest for your affections. or maybe not....what the hell do I know. I haven't had a date in 35years.

<Did Noddy say fornicate?>

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The most important thing is to be upfront, and not hide the fact you're not looking for an insta-realationship. Your instincts may tell you that telling a woman you don't want anything serious is going to drive her away, but you may be surprised...might actually work to your advantage(she may be looking for the same, even if you think she's too "nice"). If anything you're covering your bases upfront and don't have to worry about an akward situation later.

Also, if you tell a woman that you don't want anything serious, and she walks, that's a great thing. You don't want to deal with the headache a few months down the road. Especially if you work with her.

In my experiences, casual relationships usually mean someone will have feelings for the other given time. That's another situation.

Lastly, if the chick you're throwing game at seems hesitant, just tell her you're a jet pilot. Chicks love pilots. And if that still doesn't work, tell her "I will call you after using you as a sex doll, because I respect bitches."

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I have good news and bad news.

Bad: Just spent hours talking with Girl 1 at the bar, and I kinda sort of like her more than I thought.

Good: Girl 2 (work) is suddenly irrelevant in comparison.

It makes sense to just CHILL with Girl 1 for a while and see what happens.

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Phew. That sounds good. I was worried for about 3 minutes there (while reading the thread)
I gather it's normal in this country, and probably elsewhere, but I never liked the multiple people dating, especially if it involves, as Noddy says, fornication.
For me it would be an icky factor rather than creating strings. I wouldn't sleep with a guy if I knew he dips his dipstick elsewhere.... It would be like she's right there, watching, I'd be thinking of her diseases.... no can't do.

...but that's just me, I know it's commonly done. Carry on. And good luck with Girl #1!

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I just act like everything is normal all the time so good that that people actually beleive it. Then when the **** hits the fan I split for three days and when I come bake I act like everybody else is crazy.

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Gargamel wrote:

I have good news and bad news.

Bad: Just spent hours talking with Girl 1 at the bar, and I kinda sort of like her more than I thought.

Good: Girl 2 (work) is suddenly irrelevant in comparison.

It makes sense to just CHILL with Girl 1 for a while and see what happens.

Awwwwww!

Youall have fun together now.

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That is sweet.

Still, you only *just* broke up, right? It seems like it'd be healthier to hook up with someone with no pre-existing attachment (esp. the part about endangering other friendships if it goes pear-shaped) for the rebound romance, and maybe save girl #1 for later?

Er, if she's still available later.

Yeah, that won't work, I know. This stuff is never very rational.

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Gargamel wrote:

I have good news and bad news.

Bad: Just spent hours talking with Girl 1 at the bar, and I kinda sort of like her more than I thought.

Good: Girl 2 (work) is suddenly irrelevant in comparison.

It makes sense to just CHILL with Girl 1 for a while and see what happens.

The bad news doesn't sound so bad and the good news is good news indeed!

As to rebound relationships... you've spent the past year plus in a long distance relationship. Difficult at best and probably not surprising that it didn't work out. I'm not so sure you're rebounding when you haven't been 'bounding' for over a year. Have fun, just keep it sane 'til you get your bearings.

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JPB wrote:

Gargamel wrote:
I have good news and bad news.

Bad: Just spent hours talking with Girl 1 at the bar, and I kinda sort of like her more than I thought.

Good: Girl 2 (work) is suddenly irrelevant in comparison.

It makes sense to just CHILL with Girl 1 for a while and see what happens.

The bad news doesn't sound so bad and the good news is good news indeed!

As to rebound relationships... you've spent the past year plus in a long distance relationship. Difficult at best and probably not surprising that it didn't work out. I'm not so sure you're rebounding when you haven't been 'bounding' for over a year. Have fun, just keep it sane 'til you get your bearings.

I agree, J. I've felt like a bachelor for the past year.

But Girl 1 left a two-year relationship a couple months ago. I think we're both intent on just kicking it and not taking anything too seriously.

Though I did just by her a horse, which I have named after her. I'm going to stand with it outside her apartment all day until she comes home. That's not coming on too strong is it?

Dating Two Girls at the Same Time (Should I Start?)

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